Rewatching the Merlin finale a whole 10 years (!) later reminded me that Arthur actually apologizes to Merlin twice in 5x13. “I’m sorry for how I treated you” usually comes to mind first, but we also had this dialogue:
Arthur: I thought I knew you
Merlin: I’m still the same person
Arthur: I trusted you
Merlin: I’m sorry
Arthur: I’m sorry too
What is Arthur apologizing for here? We’ve seen an exchange with a similar structure in 1x05 when Arthur breaks Lancelot out of jail:
Arthur: I should have known. How could I have been so stupid?! You don’t sound like a knight, you don’t even look like a knight!
Lancelot: I’m sorry
Arthur: I’m sorry, too. Because Lancelot, you fight like a knight.
Here, even as Lancelot apologizes for breaking the rules to become a knight, Arthur is apologizing for having those rules in the first place. Even as Arthur may be angry about the deception, he recognizes the underlying unfairness of the situation for Lancelot and apologizes for that.
In the same way, even as Merlin is sorry he never told Arthur about his magic, Arthur is sorry that Merlin never felt he could tell Arthur. Even as he is upset about Merlin’s deception, this is him seeing past his own hurt and recognizing how it must have been for Merlin too. Merlin, who didn’t feel safe enough to be honest with him, who had to live hiding who he really is in Arthur’s kingdom (which he helped build).
And just. Arthur trying so hard to see things from the other POV and be empathetic and humble enough to apologize even while angry (and dying) really gets me. And shows that he’s so much more emotionally mature than he’s usually given credit for.
