wrong choices not always lead you up to something good
It's been a while since I've been here. But lately I'm not feeling great and I just wanna talk (or write).
Lately, I feel like I've made all the wrong choices in my life. Chose to not study enough. Chose an easy college degree. Chose to push every possible love interest away. It really sucks cause now I feel like I'm in a place of no return and I am absolutely sure if I had chosen differently I'd be happy today.
Honestly, that's the point. I'm not happy in my life and I'm struggling everyday to keep living, cause tbh I don't really want to. I just want to end this and then start all over. My chest is so full of sadness and regrets everyday... It doesn't even make sense to me try to start over now. It kind of doesn't matter if I can finally feel good in 5 years cuz I don't really wanna try today.
Today I just want to lay down and cry.
I feel like I have no dreams anymore. All I have are ideas of what my life could be if I hadn't chosen to hide myself. If I hadn't chosen the easy path.
But I think the worst thing about it is I don't have the courage to end this. I just keep on trying to fool everyone and myself. And it just makes me feel even worse... I feel like my days here are really coming to an end. And that's good. At least I won't be suffocating anymore. Maybe I'll even be able to finaly breathe.
If you're reading this, don't bother saying nice things... I'm not expecting to be noticed or loved or get any advice. I'm just trying to put some of my sadness away before I can't handle it anymore.
Jr.
