lost: one lemon

Crystal Ball Surrogate. Fake it until you make it.

Claritin and Kleenex. Awkward valentines.

SuburbanGypsy: now open for business.

included in BULIMIA brand starter kit: hair ties (5), lavatory tissue roll (1), set of one inch fake fingernails (2), step-by-step illustrated “how to” guide (1), official LavatoryLunchClub member ID (1).

Lemons.

It's still bonding if they never see your face, right?

The catch part is always too easy, to the point where certain almost describes it accurately. Got her out of my apartment with what my friends would call my release phrase. Probably, it’s that she passed my main girl in the lobby. Not proud enough to smile. Not broken enough to employ a cursing campaign—starring my name and apartment number—before she gets into the cab that I didn’t, haven’t ever, pay, paid for.

You have a good time refinishing the vanity in your bedroom last week? - Yeah. The one you bought from a secondhand furniture store. Paid in cash. Exact change. - What do you mean, Am I following you? - Cigarette butts outside your window? Ma'am, do I look like a smoker to you? - Oh, I do, do I? - Then how about this; could I have kept pace with you for this entire four mile run you enjoy every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday before grabbing your iced latte with soy milk and chai and a double shot of espresso in the cafe below your office where you work as a receptionist for some big shot lawyer whom you'd like to sleep with but don't think enough of yourself to try, could I have kept pace if I was a smoker? - Well, okay then. Those are some pretty harsh words. But it's not like I've never heard restraining order come out of a female's mouth before. See you next Tuesday, even if you wont see me.