marblez

Many people are inclined to believe Simon has an aggression disorder. Maybe it's true! I've seen someone ( @lxcke ) point it might be intermittent explosive disorder, which, his behavior in the movie really matches what I've read up on, almost like it was tailor made. I wouldn't be surprised, Simon grew up with all kinds of trauma and that shit has lasting effect on the mind. But, this post here also points out that people get really weird when they're cornered and scared. Simon is in an extremely stressful, painful and scary situation, and he knows it.

That's what I wanna talk about. He knows it. He's bizarrely self-aware of his responses and reactions through the entire movie. One scene that comes to mind is, when chasing for the location of the skeleton, he apologizes to Ava for the radiation blast. Those are his words:

Like ctrl-shift-alt-9 pointed out, his past history implies aggression was likely encouraged and a safe emotion to feel. While I believe this kind side isn't new to him, Someone with this possible track record being this self-aware of his emotions while in the Situation That Makes You Lose The Plot is fucking commendable. Not only that, he's admitting vulnerability and fear to his captors. He's confessing guilt and apologizing to people he knows might not want to pull him out of the blood ocean, might just execute him in there. Like, yeah he insists several times to Ava that he'll be free, but that's a normal response especially with his agreement with the COI. We're looking at what he's like when in touch with his emotions.

In several times in the movie, Simon lashes out, and then immediately feels bad about it and tries to ground himself. When he breaks the speaker and sobs afterwards, when he hits the panel and says sorry to it. When he tries to get the computer to work after finding the SM-8 the first time - he hits the mouse but moves on and says it's not his problem. Even when he's talking to the eel's speaker voice, he hits the panel again, then sighs tiredly and cries.

This man is extremely aware he's inside the Torment Nexus, and he's trying to remain focus and not crash out and lose his entire shit so he can survive. I'd say he's focused on beating his own aggression, has been deconstructing it for a while, in order to, like he said to Ava during the hangar scene, make amends. I think it's a fair assessment to say, based on such observations, he doesn't want to be violent, not anymore. Someone who automatically says sorry to an inanimate object is someone whose first intention is to be kind. At least, kinder. I always think your second thoughts on something (saying sorry) are your real ones, cause the first thoughts (hitting shit) are usually the ones conditioned into you.

Hell, I'd say Simon is way more in touch with his own emotions, way more aware of his own responses to pain and punishment, than anyone in the COI, definitely more than Ava. He's probably been dealing with his guilt and what he wants to do about it since Filament Station and prison.

And, why, why in the fuck is he so self-aware? How can he be so adjusted in the Makes You Crash Out And Lose Your Shit Death Box? It took until the end of the movie for him to unleash the Butcher again and hit every teeth in the submarine. Is this bad writing? Did Markiplier, in all his complexities for Simon, made someone who irrealistically reacts to life or death situations?

Nah. I honestly, genuinely believe it was that or dead. Simon needs to ground himself and focus on survival, and that's part of how he does it. From locking in and making his own map of the AT-5 tunnels, to apologizing and admitting out loud that he's scared, to try and make peace with his imminent death when he was down to the last light of his oxygen. If he didn't have those qualities, he wouldn't have survived long enough for us to see him in the movie. He died from circumstances outside of his control (aka GIANT FISH eating the submarine that was coming to get him), and until then, he survived on his own wits and by coping any way he could. Learning how to grow and recover from his violence.

He'd be dead long before the movie started if he didn't try, and the voices even try to use insecurities based on that against him. Half measured. Half commited. Never enough.

Well I think he was pretty damn committed. And that's how an eel eats shit.