Strife

Perhaps things were different where Cloud came from. Perhaps in his home world, the dead would indeed find a way to remind them that they were happy for the ones they had left behind. But it did not work that way in Spira. In Spira, once you died one of two things would happen to your spirit. If you were lucky enough to be Sent by a summoner, then the Farplane would be waiting for you. But, if there were no Sending and you had not accepted death in life, then your spirit would twist and change into something filled with anger and hate. Fortunately for Lulu, Chappu had found his way to the Farplane and so she could take comfort knowing that at least some part of him was at peace.

Cloud let out a sharp laugh at her question, and couldn't help but smile as he made eye contact once again and his body jerked a bit more upright in his chair. His hand lifted up to brush his mouth with the back of his fist, and his smile shifted to more of a smirk. "I meant it sarcastically... His name being LEONhart, the whole Griever thing, the 'mane' of hair... When I realized how much it annoyed him, it became a bit of a joke between us.."

"What…do you think you need to do there?" Hadn’t he done enough? Been through enough? Between being bullied, nearly killed, and experimented on there, what else could that place hold for him? 

"...?" Her sudden alarm caught him off guard at first, and he looked at her with concern as she clarified.He nodded gently, accepting her concerns and giving them some thought as he lifted his mug once more, this time taking a long draw to finish off the beverage and then gently set the mug down and push it slightly away from him on the bar. 

REBLOG THIS if are you are perfectly fine with roleplaying with multiple of the same character.

And Cloud wanted to go there again. 

"…Why?" she asked quietly, worry flooding her vision as she looked at him. Why did he want to go to the place of nightmares? Of such horribly bad memories for both of them?

"Honestly? ... It's hard to explain." Cloud was never the best at putting his thoughts or feelings into words in a way that others would be able to fully understand. Nibelheim was where it had all started. He was born there, for one, but it was where he had made his first promise to Tifa about always coming back to save her after he became a famous SOLDIER. It was where Sephiroth had started his charge down the path of madness. It was where he had first truly stood up against the man in an effort to save both Tifa and Zack, as well as avenge the deaths of his mother and all their neighbors. It was where he and Zack had been held captive for all those years, causing his first dose of Mako poisoning and fracturing his mind, leading to all the major events of his life in Midgar and in saving the planet with everybody.

All the memories came back to him in one tangled mess. Most where bad, some were good, but it was still where it had all begun. He hadn't been back to Nibelheim since their trip through those years ago, discovering Shinra's charade and discovering Vincent in the basement of the mansion. He felt a draw there, as if it were somehow fitting that they start a new adventure in the same place as before. It was a slight feeling of nostalgia, mixed with wanting to face the bad memories down in person to move past them. 

So if your muse misses mine, don’t be afraid to show up with a random text message or mini-para or sentence or question or whatever. I promise I won’t get mad at you.

Learning to let go, it was one of the hardest lessons a person could learn. The trick was knowing how to fill that void that person left behind; but it was more than that also. No one could ever truly be replaced, because no two people were exactly alike and to try to find someone like the person you had lost was folly. No, you had to learn to forgive yourself for the things you didn’t say or do, for the things you did, but more importantly, you had to simply accept that they were gone and nothing could bring them back. That didn’t mean you forgot that person, far from it, it just meant that you could remember them without it causing pain.

"Guilt is a terrible weight to carry. A person could drive themselves mad wondering if things could have been different if they had just said something, or done something different." Of course she was referring to herself and her own guilt over Chappu. "But wondering what would be different can be equally cruel. You would ask yourself, would I be happy? What sort of person would I be now?" But those questions stopped being asked some time ago, when she had realised that there was something more in the way she felt about Leon.

She may be referring to the events of her life that Cloud knew nothing about, but he couldn't help but wonder if she could somehow read his thoughts and was actually talking about how he had failed Zack and Aeris. He sighed once more as his gaze drifted away from her, and his eyes seemed to shimmer faintly and focus in on something back towards the doorway of the kitchen.

His body kept a somewhat rigid posture for a moment, before easing noticeably as he leaned back in his chair and smiled softly once more, with a firm nod to himself. "I know what you mean. The guilt never fully goes away, but every now and then you get a subtle (or not so subtle) reminder that they're happy for us, and how far we've come, despite everything that's happened and we've been through."

"Well yeah!  I ain’t gunna deny I sure as shit did m’ part.  Wha’ with sweet talkin’ th’ Highwind crew t’ help us steal her."

"They sure were." Cloud smiled in reminiscence of past events he had shared with Cid and the others.

Lulu listened in quiet contemplation, her own feelings mirroring the blonde’s. She knew what he meant when he said that fighting was the only thing he thought he was good at. Truth be told, it was all she had ever known. From a young age, she had trained herself knowing that one day she would leave the island as a Guardian, to protect a summoner and face Sin. Of course, this didn’t mean she was the only one, but it seemed many Guardian’s had been able to lead a normal life once the Eternal Calm had been brought to the people. Many now had families, homes and a sense of normalcy to call their own. But not her, she felt… agitated, like she was on the outside looking in on someone else’s life. “I think it is to be expected. A life spent in battle always leaves you expecting more. I do not think it is a habit we will be able to break.”

As she spoke, he nodded knowingly and bowed his head, avoiding her gaze for the moment. "Everybody's lost somebody... I know the guilt of blaming yourself for not being able to protect the people you care about."

His chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. It seemed like no matter how their conversation went, they always settled into the more depressing memories of their pasts. "It's...a hopeless feeling. I've been fortunate enough to have some great friends that have helped me through it, but... It never completely goes away. I understand where Leon is coming from and can't blame him, either, but at the same time... You have to let go, sometimes, and learn to let people take care of themselves."