Day 1 - I woke up feeling numb. My eyes hurt from all the crying last night. I miss you. I hope you come back. Please come back.
Day 7 - It’s been a week and I still haven’t heard anything from you. I’ve sent you a lot of messages but they either get unread or unanswered. I hope you’re hurting right now too, just like me.
Day 14 - two weeks apart and without you in my life felt like a lifetime. I took out all the letters and poems you’ve written me when we were still together. It still seems so unreal. Your letters sounded like you really loved me. When did that love begin to fade?
Day 20 - My friends keep on telling me that it would get better. But my response would always be “when?!” I am so tired of feeling like shit at night because I still can’t understand why you fell out of love. Don’t I deserve a decent explanation? Or maybe you think I am not worthy of it all?
Day 32 - I stopped stalking your facebook profile and unfollowed your twitter and instagram accounts a week ago. It’s not much but at least I am now starting to accept how things really are between us right? My mom has been telling me to take a breath of fresh air. I can tell that she’s worried about me. And sometimes, I hope you feel the same way about me too.
Day 40 - I burned the letters, deleted the photos, and threw away the teddy bears. It’s about time to get rid of the things that remind me of you, of us. You are a part of my past now and no matter how difficult it is to move forward, I know I have to try. My best friend told me that she saw you in 7/11 today. You were happy, genuinely happy. I hope I get to that point too.
Day 55 - Time stopped when I saw you standing in front of the bookstore yesterday. All the memories that I had a hard time forgetting came flooding in. I missed you. I missed you so, so much that I had the urge to run into your arms and just hug you. I remember all the kisses. I suddenly longed for one. I took one step towards you. That moment, I was so ready to beg again. Until I saw how you looked at the girl that came out of the bookstore. I know you love her because you used to look at me like that. Why do people from your past always haunt you just when you believed that you are already doing okay without them?
Day 60 - I still can’t accept the fact that you have replaced me. But I hope she takes care of you and loves you so, so much. I hope you don’t leave her ever. Maybe this time, she is worth it. I’m going to be okay. Yes, everything’s going to be fine.
Day 75 - I’m feeling better right now. I went to church yesterday and cried my heart out. I cried for what we were, what we are now, and for what we could’ve been. Maybe you weren’t really meant to stay in my life permanently. Maybe I needed to be taught a lesson that school can’t teach me. And maybe you were meant to be my teacher. It still hurts sometimes and I still miss the memories but unlike before, I don’t miss you now. Maybe I’ve become stronger, more mature.
Day 86 - I missed smiling and laughing heartily like this. I never thought I could be this happy without you. But look at me now. There are no fake smiles, no pretentions. I am really okay. And right now, I hope you are just as okay as I am or even better!
Day 82 - I received a note from you yesterday through my best friend. I thought the letters stopped altogether when you decided to leave. But look, you wrote me one again. You used to write me a two-page letter every time we have a big fight. But right now, it’s just a one-half piece of paper you obviously tore out of your notebook. And only three words are written: I AM SORRY.
Day 90 - I’ve been thinking whether I have really forgiven you for leaving me. And know what? I already did. I’ve forgiven you for all the lame excuses and all the stupid alibis and for not putting up with my mess when I have always put up with yours. I have forgiven you for all the pain you have caused me. I have forgiven you for keeping distance when all I wanted was to keep you close. I have forgiven you for choosing to leave. And I have forgiven myself for all the wrong choices I have made which could’ve been one of the reasons why we broke up. However, please know that I won’t ever regret meeting you.
Day 100 - I left an envelope at your doorstep a while ago. In it was a letter I wrote last night. Mind you, it had been tough writing to you my last letter ever. I reminisced our happy and sad moments and I realized that regardless of how we ended up, I would still choose to make those memories with you. I never regret any of them. Instead, I am glad we made them. I am glad that every time I look back to what we had, I can still see happy faces and hear sincere i love you’s. Yes, it had been painful and difficult toward the end but the happy and romantic memories ruled. I am glad I have met you, fallen in love with you, and have finally let you go. Thank you for making me stronger; for helping me realize that I need to love myself first before falling in love with another; for making me see the importance and the worth of the people who have always loved me; for helping me acknowledge the fact that sometimes, I need to be my own hero, that nobody could save me unless I choose to save myself. Thank you for making me see the beauty in hellos and the good in good byes. It would always be a privilege to be loved by you. I hope you have a great future ahead. Thanks for the memories.
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