Collaboratively Gay

what if phil is having so many medical emergencies because hes secretly an ao3 author and the curse got to him?

ooh im phil lester im the hottest funniest most interesting guy in the world i have sexy blonde hair and perfect comedic timing and the house and job and man of my dreams and said man is also the hottest funniest most interesting guy in the world and looks at me like the sun is shining out of my perfect ass girl fuck you

Ilya pulling Shane into his lap when he’s fresh out of the shower, still in a towel that’s knotted at his waist and his skin is half covered in water droplets, all warm and damp and red flush, pretty skin strong lines of muscle and freshly shave. smooth stomach and pelvis leading to the base of his cock that Ilya is keenly eyeing. Shane had been reaching for the Advil he knew Ilya kept in the side draw, his hip twinging from practice. Instead he gets the greedy hands of his husband dragging him into his lap, on top of him, leaving damp spots on Ilya’s flannel pyjamas pants and a tongue in his mouth. It’s better than the Advil, that’s for sure. Turns out it’s a ploy anyway, Ilya kisses him soft limbed and loose, and hard, in his towel. And then Ilya rolls him, gets Shane on his back and Shane is moving to lock his thighs around Ilya’s waist when instead Ilya’s hand is catching his hip and it’s wet and icey hot. Shane shivers and the familiar smell of deep heat muscle rub, lets out a grin as Ilya’s thumb finds the exactly aching spot. He rubs at it till Shane is slow blinks and soft mouthed against the mattress and he’s wriggling his toes against Ilya’s hip where his foot is resting on it so that Ilya can get the right angle. He’s still stupid hard in his towel, gazing at Ilya who is gazing down at him, the bulge in his towel. “If you touch my cock without washing your hands I will completely kill you” Shane mutters and Ilyas laugh makes his stomach go warm

I love Dan and Phil's dynamic where Dan tries to make a classy and subtle dirty joke and Phil just steamrolls by bluntly saying the thing. Honestly that makes it funnier

Shane’s “I have to end this” is comical to take part in but Ilyas is funnier. “I hate him so much. he’s actually perfect. he’s what the nhl wants. maybe I should just fuck him? I think it would make me feel better. I guess im actually doing myself a favor. yeah let me just fuck him a couple 3700 times.” he really has internalised that his I HATE SHANE HOLLANDER will get fixed by fucking Shane. the brain process Ilya has is unreal because that is probably the best solution I could think of