Collaboratively Gay

ilya definitely has a thicker russian accent the more comfortable he is so it’s thick at home and thickest in the bedroom and shane is getting pavloved. so they go to a russian bakery and ilya is ordering stuff in fluent insanely charming russian and shane abruptly announces “ACTUALLY UH I NEED TO LEAVE ILL BE OUTSIDE”

sometimes ilya just gets the “oh my god i can literally kiss shane hollander whenever i want” and he goes to kiss shane like mwuah mwuah mwuah mwuah and shane giggles and asks what’s this and he goes “what? i cannot kiss my husband?” and shane pulls him back to kiss him shut up

ok but ignoring the fact they just forgot to cover hudsons lil gun hip tattoo let’s actually say shane has that tattoo. he got it when he scored his first hat trick and got so fucking wasted with the team for the first time ever that they convinced him to let one of their girlfriends give him a tattoo to celebrate and he’s like okey in his lil drunk haze of being around so many people but so happy and full of adrenaline and when this girl asks what he wants he goes “a gun” and someone calls out “why!” and he smiles coly and is like “because I’m a good shot” and everyone’s hootin and hollerin and someone grabs his shoulders and is shaking him and messing up his hair and he’s laughing along and then after a minute the girl comes with a little sketch of a gun and goes “where do you want it?” and he starts to freak a bit because oh is he really going to do this and then the girl is like “what about on your hipbone? that’s hot” and she obviously flirting even shane realises that but then an old timer on the team (bros like 29) that shane secretly has a crush on is like “hell yeah rookie, girl is right that’s hot as fuck” and shane just nods in agreement and then he’s being positioned by the girl and suddenly his sweats are pulled down below his hipbone and a stencil of the gun is pressed to his hip and he doesn’t really remember much after that but he does remember waking up with it and thinking i wonder what Rozanov will say and then pinching himself at that thought.

hate it when you see something in media that has great kink potential so you skedoodle post-haste to ao3 only to discover there's none fic left beef and then you have to sit there going oh I see I'M the pervert weirdo I'M the problem with society and everyone else in the world is going to heaven with a hundred innocence dollars preloaded onto their ole fashioned wholesome funtimes themepark fast pass card like fuckin oath man

hayden getting annoyed by ilya and insisting on a ‘who knows shane better’ game with shane and jackie as judges and he gets completely wiped by ilya. “boohoo pike you should know how many goals your captain scored last season” “pike how do you not know his favourite protein powder i thought you were best friends” “you’re taking too long pike you should know shane’s favourite cities”

I love the everyone wants to fuck Shane Hollander agenda so picture like, Ilya at a team member's bachelor party and the whole Raiders team is there and everyone is drunk and they're playing games and just yelling out answers at the same time to questions like what's your favourite position and age you lost your virginity and giving each other shit for the answers but then there's what player you would go gay for and suddenly the whole team yells Shane Hollander at once to stunned silence afterwards and Ilya has the worst fucking night of his life

ilya is in one of his depressive episodes and shane tries to cheer him up by telling him about all the things shane loves about him. ilya is quiet for a moment and then mumbles, mainly to himself, "noo don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy aha" before bursting into laughter and shane has no idea what’s going on but it’s the first time he‘s seen ilya even so much as smile in days, so he‘ll take it