Ollie

Almost immediately, the tension in the air dissipates. A quiet sigh of relief slips from the executive’s mouth as the biggest adversary he’s faced since college plagiarism checkers steps into the hall. 

Several paces from the closed oak door, Yvonne turns to face Zayne, wringing her hands out with nerves. “I’m sorry to pull you away, but there’s been an emergency,” she whispers. 

Zayne squints slightly, dark eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Dr. Greyson should be available right now. Is there a reason wh—” 

“Your partner, Dr. Li.” It’s a rare interruption. “She was just in an accident.” 

The stairs are a blur as he rushes down them two at a time. Still, it isn't fast enough. 

“What’s happened?” Zayne demands. “Tell me everything.”

Yvonne follows closely behind him, her clogs hitting the floor on the offbeats of his heavy steps. “It was a collision with another vehicle. The other driver had only minor injuries, but hers are more serious.”

“How serious?” Careening around the corner, he nearly plows through a gaggle of interns heading toward the fifth floor. 

Typically, the sight of calm, collected Dr. Li is enough to make the younger staff gape in wonder. But frantic, distressed Dr. Li? That’s a new concept entirely.

However, as Zayne flattens his body to pass by them without hindrance, their gawking goes even less noticed than usual.

“They can’t tell the extent of the damage,” Yvonne explains. “We tried to evaluate upon arrival, but she won’t accept treatment until she sees you. When I left the ER, she was thrashing around and calling out for you.” 

“She’s afraid of hospitals,” he responds robotically.

Just a few steps farther.

The searing burn in his legs reminds him of the hike he’d gone on with you just a few days earlier. The way he tripped on a well-camouflaged branch, and you caught him with an ill-concealed snicker. The way you paused under a maple tree to catch your breath after, oblivious to the bustling beehive ten feet above you. 

“EEEEEEgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!”

As you permanently damage the hearing of the bee on your tank top, a retaliatory snicker escapes Zayne’s lips.

“You think this is funny?” you screech, holding deathly still lest you provoke the beast on your shoulder. “I’ve never been stung before! What if I'm allergic?”

“All right, all right.” He cautiously waves the insect off with his hand, and it flies onto a nearby flower. “See? You’re safe now.” 

While you catch your breath, a dramatic hand plastered to your chest, he curls an arm around your lower back and guides you away from danger. 

At the base of the mountain, you’d stopped at an ice cream truck, gifting each other compensatory snow cones for your troubles.

That memory of you, smiling in the sun with sweat-slicked skin and blue-stained lips, won’t leave his mind. What kind of state were you in right now? Would you be able to go out like that, to laugh like that again? Would you want to?

A chill creeps through the sterile air as he finally reaches the bottom of the stairwell. With an anxious breath, he bursts through the ER doors, eyes scanning with urgency unknown.

Zayne is used to seeing people bloodied and bruised—too used to it, if you and his parents had anything to say about it. After years of stitching the broken back up again, he's grown desensitized to the most off-putting aspects of the human body. When he sees blood, he can’t afford to panic. He's got a job to do.

Now, at perhaps the one moment he can afford it the least, there's a delay in his actions. It’s immoral for him to think this way, and he'd never say it out loud, but it's not a patient who's hurt. It's not just anyone. It’s you.

You, who demoted lonely from a frequent feeling to a foreign one. You, who showed him, for the first time, how to love and be loved.

So when he sees you frenzied and bleeding, swatting at several nurses’ hands like a cornered stray making its last stand, he freezes. And in that moment, your eyes meet.

Your tired, broken whimper is what finally springs him into action. 

He rushes to your side, forcing the metallic tang of your blood a step down from salience. The nurses clear a path for him immediately. 

He tries to examine the extent of your injuries, but your attempts to cling to him make it difficult. More than once, he has to beg you to stay still. 

“It hurts,” you mewl, weakly clutching his left arm.

“I know. I know. But I need you to stay still for me, all right? Just while we figure out what's wrong.” So much blood. “Here, give me your hand.”

Your palms meet with identical iron grips. You squeeze him in pain and fear, he squeezes you in simmering panic—as well as to keep you still.

Needing to be heard but not wanting to startle you, he calls out his observations with the steadiest voice he can. “I see abrasions on the right temple and significant bruising on the upper body. The arm and shoulder lacerations will likely need staples.” 

Slowly, he lifts your lolling head to examine your unfocused eyes. “What’s your full name, and where are we right now?” 

“We’re in…” Through slurred words, you blink slowly, pausing to take in your surroundings. It’s like you’re seeing it all for the first time—the somber staff, the sobbing families, the lifeless bodies on the beds—and your face is the picture of panic. “Why…why are we here? I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”

Zayne grimaces, shushing you and smoothing your hair down. “She may have a concussion as well.”

Your swollen face contorts in panic. “I have what?” 

“Shh. I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable,” he whispers. Gathering you in his arms, he rises to full height and nods swiftly to the surrounding staff. “I’m going to set her down slowly. Ensure the gurney is stable.”

Your sense of smell is the first to return to you. 

At home, you keep diffusers scattered throughout the space; it brightens your day when your favorite fragrance fills the room. 

Here—wherever here is—a piercing sterile scent burns the inside of your nose. 

Bleach and artificial lemon.

Something is wrong.

In your ears, the high-pitched hum of equipment.

On your tongue, the aftertaste of iron.

When you finally manage to crack your eyes open, blinding light forces them shut. You try again a moment later, gradually processing the thin blue gown hanging loosely on your sore frame.

It all comes flooding back. 

A sickening crash. A crushing impact. Flashing lights, loud voices.

Screeching sirens. Fragments of motion sickness.  An abrupt stop. 

A big, bright Akso sign. Shining like a beacon.

Not here. Not here. Not all alone.

Your own voice, crying out for Zayne. 

Zayne.

Where is he now?

The hospital bed groans under your thrashing body. It hurts, but it won’t be for long. He’s here somewhere, and if you can just get to him, he’ll make it better like he always does. 

Zayne. Zayne. Zayne. 

As soon as you manage to plant one foot on the ground, the door to your room swings open. 

When Zayne steps through, face weary and teal scrubs more ruffled than he’d usually allow, your body melts in relief. 

His dim hazel eyes lighten a bit when he sees that you're awake. Then, they zero in on your injured form hanging precariously off the bed. 

“Going somewhere?” His voice is flat, unamused. He crosses the room in four long strides, gently lifts your errant leg, and repositions you properly on the mattress. All the while, he expertly dodges your weakened attempts to pull him down with you. “You need to stay here. Movement can exacerbate your injuries.”

“Okay.” You swallow thickly, eyes brimming with unshed tears. This time, when you reach for him, he wraps you into his warm embrace. 

Zayne shifts to hold you as best he can, avoiding the wounds and gauze on your head, arms, and shoulders. In the silence, your breaths and heartbeats slowly start to sync.

Clutching his shirt in your fingers, you speak softly into his skin. “You weren’t here when I woke up.” It’s not an accusation, but more a lamentation.

“I’d planned to stay with you, but a patient needed an emergency operation not long after they brought you here. I was in surgery for the last five hours. I came as soon as I could.”

You start to nod into his shoulder, but he stills your head to limit your movement. Instead, you give him something between a hum and a grunt. 

“What happened?” he asks after a moment.

“I tried to take the interstate on my way to work. The one we used to practice since I was so scared of all the traffic here. But when I went to merge…I barely even saw the other car. I just remember the crash, and the ambulance, and I knew they were taking me here—I saw the sign—and I panicked. I haven’t been in the hospital since I was a kid. Every time they’d let me out of bed to walk around, there was a new family crying in the halls. I didn’t ever want to go back.” Your voice is hoarse by the time you finish—barely more than a whisper. Pulling back slightly, Zayne cracks open the bottle of water on the bedside table and holds it to your lips. You drink gratefully, wrapping both hands around his wrist.

Once you’re done, he leans in close and presses a kiss to your hair. “You’re very brave for trying that by yourself. But should something like this happen again, you can't delay getting treatment because of me. Let them help you.” 

“You know I don’t—I’ve never felt comfortable in places like this. There’s so much pain and grief here. I don’t know how you handle it.” Your throat constricts, and his hold on you tightens as wetness seeps into his shirt. “I was so scared.”

“I know. But I was, too. Not knowing what I was walking into, what kind of state you’d be in when I arrived…I was terrified.”

You bite your lip, discovering an undetected cut at the top. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course you didn’t. Just promise me that you'll always make your wellbeing a priority, whether or not I’m within reach.”

“I want to. But it’s hard,” you mumble. “You’re really responsible, you know. And kind. And nice. And smart. And—”

You’re ready to prattle on, but you cut the praise short once you spot his pink-tinged cheeks. “You’re a lot of good things,” you pivot. “Most of all, you make me feel safe. But…”

“But?” he echoes, threading a hand through your hair.

“I get anxious without you,” you admit. “When I’m with you, I feel like everything will be alright, but when I'm not…it feels like the world is ending sometimes. And I'm there in the thick of it, lost and alone.” Your self-deprecating laugh worsens the ache in your chest. “I just feel like I depend on you a lot. Maybe too much.” 

He’s quiet for a few beats, constructing his response with the utmost care. “You should be able to depend on me,” he begins softly. “That's my job as your partner. But you lived many years before we met. Your agency isn’t reliant upon my physical presence, though you may feel it is.” He clears his throat. “I’d never be opposed to spending every second by your side. But when I can’t, I hope you’ll still feel me right there with you. Cheering you on, supporting you. That’s when I feel most at home.

“I could never stray too far from the one I love. So, although I may not always be present, I’m in your heart, as well as your thoughts. Even if you have to ask yourself, ‘What would Zayne do?’ to find your way forward, I trust you can come to the right answer. He would do whatever he could to keep you safe and healthy.” 

If you weren’t certain he’d scold you for moving, you’d duck your head under your blanket in embarrassment. Instead, you simply whine and avert your gaze, heart fluttering at his words. 

“You understand, don’t you?” he coaxes. “Can you take care of yourself for me?”

You purse your lips, still clutching his scrubs tight despite his ask. When you answer, your voice wavers in uncertainty. 

“I’ll try.” 

For the first part of the afternoon, Zayne keeps you company. He reads to you from Yvonne’s romance novel, supervises while you switch between games on his phone, and opens the blinds so you can people-watch from the comfort of the seventh-floor window.

When boredom strikes, you put on a game show on the midsize TV, guessing most answers wrong while he gets them right. 

When a staff member brings you a snack, you urge Zayne onto the too-small bed with you and share a tapioca pudding cup, tactfully ignoring the healthy serving of carrots on the side.

Soothed by his warmth and steady heartbeat, you feel your eyelids grow heavy after a while. In his arms, the room’s oppressive white and whirring machinery become no more than a quelled threat. But when the shrill beep of his pager cuts through the quiet, your body goes rigid with fear forgotten.  

“There’s another operation soon. I'll have to leave in a moment.”

“A-Are you sure?” Your eyes widen in dismay. “Can’t Greyson—” 

Recalling your promise from earlier, you reel yourself in and take your bottom lip between your teeth. As you lower your head and prepare to apologize, Zayne cups your warming face in his hands. You nuzzle into him greedily. 

“Greyson has already done all he can. His selflessness this afternoon is the reason I’ve been able to stay with you for this long. I suppose I owe him a coffee for that.” He curves his lips upward slightly, hoping your frowning ones will follow. “On the bright side, it’s the last surgery of the day. I'll be back here to see you once it’s over.” 

“Okay,” you whisper. You know he hears your voice break. Even if he doesn’t, you can't blink fast enough to stop the first few drops from falling.

Regret quickly takes the place of his smile. His face contorts into a grimace as he racks his brain for a solution, eventually nodding to himself resolutely. “Wait just a moment, all right? I’ll be right back. There’s something I need to do.” He kisses your hair once more, then waits for you to nod your agreement. Then, he walks briskly out of the room. 

The temperature seems to plummet. 

You curl in on yourself as best you can, the last round of painkillers wearing off fast. But Zayne brings you a warmth that’s unreachable alone.

You try to wait for him, you really do. But maybe it’s a miracle that sleep tugs at you in a place like this. 

When you pry your heavy eyelids open, the sun is just beginning to set. You’re certain you were out cold whenever Zayne returned to your room earlier, and you can’t help but groan. From the looks of it, he’s still in surgery—no telling when he’ll be back to help you spend the night in your least favorite place. 

Desperate to pass the time, you start to reach for the TV remote, only to nudge something soft tucked into your side. Upon further inspection, you recognize the hospital’s gift shop logo stitched onto a black paw pad. 

Beside you is a grinning polar bear plush, a pair of lensless spectacles sitting on its short snout. On its blue bib sits a get well soon message; between its outstretched paws is a brief note. That paradoxically legible handwriting…you’d know it anywhere. 

I’m here with you always. Take care of yourself. 

Astarion pinched the tip of his nose. “If we should meet again… We will have met again.” His voice came out nasally and ridiculous, a silly imitation of the deep gnome you just rescued from a group of restless goblins who had tied him to the slat of an old windmill.

A snort escaped your nose and you threw a hand to your mouth, holding in laughter. 

“Come on, Astarion,” Gale scolded, taking the lead back through the crumbled wall your team emerged through to arrive at the windmill. 

“Yeah,” Shadowheart agreed. “He sounded much more proper than that. More like-” She raised her nose in a judgemental fashion and added a high class lilt, “‘If we should meet again-’”

“Oh, come now,” Gale huffed as you, Astarion, and Shadowheart attempted to keep straight faces. “I think it’s rather noble that he’s set off in search of his friend. One can only hope he makes it in time…”

Now was your turn to pinch your nose for a silly voice. “One can only hope he makes it in time…”

“HA!” Astarion guffawed, pointing at the object of ridicule. “She nailed you just then, wizard.”

Gale tilted his head at you, a look of disappointment in his eye. “That didn’t sound anything like me.”

“Sorry Gale,” you walked forward and playfully punched his arm. “Didn’t mean for you to catch friendly fire. We’re just having some fun.”

The wizard humphed flatly. Then, after a moment: “He was rather rude, wasn’t he?”

Agreement buzzed between the four of you.

“You’d think he’d be more grateful,” Shadowheart looked back towards the windmill, in the direction where the gnome set off on his journey to the Underdark.

“Never expect anything but nuisance from a gnome.” Astarion sneered.

“He was probably just having a bad day. I mean, he was tied to that windmill for who knows how long,” you attempted to defend the poor guy, choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Besides, he offered us his pack-”

Astarion let out an elegant laugh. “You’re right! It’s mine, none of you can have it.” He turned on his heel and stalked back towards the windmill, his head ducked down and his arms thrown out to his sides like wings as he moved quickly.

The remaining three of you watched him go.

“Rather aerodynamic, isn’t he?” Gale remarked. You and Shadowheart snickered.

“He does look quite ridiculous like that,” Shadowheart agreed. “He’d better be quick, though. My feet are killing me.” She bounced lightly from foot to foot.

You smiled over at your companions. “You two go ahead,” you nodded your chin off in the direction of camp, “I’ll go wrangle the problem child.”

Gale stepped closer to you and pointed a stern finger in Astarion’s direction. “Make sure he stays out of trouble.”

“I’ll do my best,” you responded, trying to match his serious tone, but couldn’t help the grin that wormed its way onto your face.

“Works for me,” Shadowheart stretched her arms above her head. “We’ll save you some gruel back at camp.”

You waved them off just as you heard Gale begin to argue that his cooking could NOT be considered “gruel.” Hiking your own pack up higher on your shoulders, you started back towards the windmill. 

There was no sign of the vampire, save for an open hatch beneath the stone of the tower leading into what you presumed was a cellar of sorts. Off to the side was a discarded set of Thieves’ Tools. Yup, that’ll be him.

Rolling your eyes affectionately, you began to descend into the basement below. 

Before you could even make it to the bottom, however, you heard Astarion’s voice tinged with annoyance. “Don’t bother, darling. I was just coming back up.”

You paused on the ladder and looked down at him. “That bad?”

“Eh, a few coins, some food. Nothing worth risking one’s life over. Foolish gnome.”

“Shame,” you pouted down at him, not an ounce of real sympathy behind the word.

He smirked as he met your eye. “Go,” he said, indicating you should climb back up the ladder. “There was a rather large amount of smoke powder though. That could be fun.”

When you emerged back into the early evening air, you turned to help Astarion out. “Maybe you can blow up a quaint little gnomish village.”

Astarion’s eyes glittered with delight. “Oh, do you think there’s one around here? That would be- Oh. You’re joking.”

You nodded.

“Gods, you’re no fun.” He sighed dramatically and then started back towards the Blighted Village proper. 

You scoffed in mock offense. “I’m a lot of fun!”

Astarion tsked. “If you have to say you’re a lot of fun, odds are, you’re lying to yourself.” He shot a challenging half smile at you from over his shoulder.

“How dare you,” you laughed.

“Such a pity, too,” he went on. “Aren’t bards supposed to be entertaining?”

You made a sound of agony, which had Astarion fully turning back to look at you. You threw a hand to your heart and staggered towards him. “You wound me, Astarion. Look upon me with pity and remember me fondly!” You set an arm on his shoulder and let your body weight go, as if collapsing from a killing blow. 

Astarion was quick to catch you under your arms. He made a show of groaning about how heavy you were now that your body had gone completely limp. After you’d hung loosely from his grip for a few seconds, he finally yielded. “Alright, enough.” 

You resumed control of your body and stood up straight, a smug look on your face. “I’m fun.”

“Dramatic.”

“Theatrical.”

“Annoying.”

“Endearing.”

“Loud.”

“Enthusiastic-”

Just then, a loud howl came from a barn a little ways off. 

You and Astarion eyed each other.

“Was that you?” Astarion asked.

“‘Was that me?!’ I’m not THAT loud.”

“Could have fooled me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Come on.” You started in a light jog towards the barn.

Astarion groaned. “You can’t be serious.” He caught up with you easily. “Haven’t we done enough heroing for today?”

You looked at him thoughtfully. “One more act of heroism probably won’t kill you.”

“It might!”

“Oh, now who’s being dramatic?” You came to a stop at the double doors.

“I-” Astarion floundered, then pursed his lips and crossed his arms.

“That’s what I thought.”

Approaching the door slowly, you pressed a finger to your lips to signal Astarion to stay quiet. He followed you, creeping closer. 

A guttural scream and a succession of quick bangs rattled the door. Then, a low moan rumbled from within. 

Behind you, Astarion let out a quiet gasp of glee and brought both hands up to his mouth, suppressing a smile. You lifted an eyebrow at him, then turned back to the door.

“Hello?” You didn’t falter when you heard Astarion’s airy giggle behind you. “Anybody in there? Are you hurt?”

An angry, booming voice yelled a response: “Go! Away!”

Your eyes widened at the stranger’s strangled tone and you looked over at Astarion who still appeared elated. 

Why was he so thrilled? Somebody in there could be hurt, and here he was, laughing. It sounded like there was more than one person inside… Was it possible that one person was hurting the other? That somebody was in danger? You supposed it did make sense that Astarion would take pleasure in the pain of someone else… Him and his twisted sense of humor.

Just as you were about to reach for the door, Astarion stopped you. 

“Wait! Don’t interrupt them.”

You narrowed your eyes. Did he really think he could stop you from helping them?

He frowned at you, then cocked his head and smirked. “Let me do it. They sound disgusting.” He chuckled and faced the door. 

Oh! So he wanted to take the lead on this rescue. You smiled and bowed, sweeping an arm towards the door. “Please, do the honors.”

Astarion grinned and rolled up his sleeves. He brought his arms out in front of himself and wiggled his fingers before connecting them with the doors and thrusting them open.

You inhaled a sharp gasp and averted your eyes. “Oh my gods!”

Inside, a bugbear was leaning over an ogress from behind. It was suddenly very obvious to you that no danger was taking place here. Just a mystery. How did their parts even-

“W-WHAT THE HELLS ARE YOU DOIN?!” The bugbear roared as he stepped away from the ogress and covered himself.

Beside you, Astarion laughed. Meanwhile, the ogress bared her teeth and growled.

“Apologies,” you said, eyes still averted, “I didn’t mean to interrupt!”

“I most certainly did,” Astarion clarified.

The ogress began to stand. “Ruined! Smash!” 

Both you and Astarion took a step back as she reached her full height.

“I’LL SMASH YOU!” Both the ogress and the bugbear lifted weapons.

“Dammit to hells,” Astarion muttered, then quickly made a break for the left, jumping behind some hay bales. The bugbear pursued him but Astarion was able to fire an arrow at him that connected with his shoulder.

“Astarion!” You called out, breaking right and drawing the ogress towards you, “Don’t kill them!”

“What? Why?!” He ducked behind another hay bale as the bugbear made a swipe for him with his mace.

“This is my fault! I thought they were in trouble!” You quickly reached behind yourself for your lute, strumming a tune that made the ogress stop in her tracks to listen.

Astarion laughed in disbelief. “You thought they were in trouble?”

“You didn’t?”

“No, darling, unlike some people, I can actually tell the difference between when someone is deep in the throes of passion versus when someone’s life is in danger. ” His tone in the latter half of the sentence was laced with irritation. He hopped over the hay bale and swiftly avoided another swipe from the bugbear. 

“Stop talking about us like we aren’t here!” The bugbear growled.

The ogress, on the other hand, was swaying slightly to the music emanating from your lute. 

“Listen to me,” you turned your head towards Astarion. “I need you to reach into my pack and get out a Scroll of Sleep.”

“You don’t just know that off-hand?”

“Astarion.” 

“Fine, fine.” The vampire drew out his daggers and slowly circled around the room, drawing the bugbear around so he wouldn’t be able to attack from behind. Astarion looked up at the rafters and saw a hay bale hanging precariously over the edge of a beam. If he angled his daggers just right…

He let the blades fly and when they connected with the hay bale, it fell from above, landing right on top of the bugbear. Astarion looked over at you with an excited grin to make sure you’d witnessed his victory.

“Yes, yes, you’re very good at knives,” you quipped. “Now get over here!”

“As you wish.” Astarion weaved his way across the barn and positioned himself behind you to look in your bag. You felt his cold breath on your ear. “Hello,” he purred.

Your fingers stumbled on a few notes and the ogress suddenly looked around, as if waking from a trance. 

“Wha-”

You scrunched your nose and kicked behind you at Astarion’s shin. 

He laughed out in pain, but you could feel him rummaging through your bag. The song you were playing resumed its hypnotic tones and the ogress seemed to calm down. 

“Remind me to never have you organize my wardrobe, darling. It is a mess in here.”

“I know where everything is!” You argued. “The scrolls are in alphabetical order.”

“My gods, you’re lame.” Astarion squinted into your bag, trying to read the titles of the spells in the dim light. 

“ASTARION!” You shouted and twisted as the bugbear suddenly reappeared, apparently having been able to push the hay bale off of himself. He was running like a madman around the right side of the barn, towards Astarion. 

Astarion reached for his daggers, only to come up empty. They were still in the hay bale on the other side of the barn. Swearing, he looked up just in time to see-

WHAM!

Your lute connected with the bugbear’s face with such force that he went down instantly. 

As a result, however, your lute was now shattered. Which meant there was about to be a very angry ogress on your hands.

Astarion quickly shuffled back to your bag and filed through your spells.

“Astarion…” You said hesitantly. Your body tensed as the ogress blinked a few times, growled, and began stomping her way towards you two.

“I’m going! I’m going! A HA!” Astarion pulled out the proper spell and leaned forward over your shoulder to shove it ungracefully into your hands. “Read it out read it out read it out!”

“Shut up shut up shut up!” You uncrumpled the spell and shouted “SOMNUM,” just as the ogress reared back to swing her club.

Instead, she went down heavily, instantly asleep.

You and Astarion stayed frozen in place. When it was clear the ogress was truly out cold, Astarion chuckled against your shoulder, still leaning into you from behind. 

You smiled. Then you joined in his slight chuckle, which turned into laughs, which turned into the both of you doubling over in wheezing delight.

“Have you ever seen anything so ghastly?” Astarion looked between the two unconscious creatures.

“Love finds a way,” you continued laughing.

“My dear, love had nothing to do with that,” Astarion wiped a tear from his eye and went to retrieve his daggers from across the barn. “That was all lust. And probably a bit of morbid curiosity to see if it was even possible.”

“Clearly it is,” you said. “Shows what we know about inter-species relationships.”

Astarion sheathed his daggers and came back around to see you picking up the broken pieces of your lute. You sighed and took off your bag, carefully making the pieces fit inside. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Thank you.”

You looked up at him.

“For knocking out that bugbear. And for sacrificing your lute in the process.” He bent to pick up a piece that had slid across the floor and brought it over to you.

“It’s just a thing,” you said. “I can replace it. But I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I would have been fine,” he said quietly.

“Suuure,” you teased, aiming to lift the suddenly serious mood. 

“Eventually,” he amended.

You slipped the last piece of your lute into your bag and turned to face the doors, still ajar from when the two of you busted in. “You ready?”

Astarion nodded and trailed after you. 

A moment or two of silence passed on your way back to camp before you turned to look at your companion. He seemed lost in thought. You bit your lip.

“It’s not your fault, by the way. There are plenty of lutes in Faerûn,” you said. “I’m sure I’ll find another one in no time.”

“Hmm?” Astarion looked over at you. It was clear he hadn’t really been listening. 

You stopped short and turned to face him fully. “You okay?” When he didn’t answer right away, your eyes widened. “Did you get hurt and I didn’t see? I have a few healing spells-” You lifted your hands and aqua healing magic began to spark at your fingertips.

Astarion chuckled and reached for your hands, lowering them for you. His touch was ice cold on your clammy hands. You were still reeling from the fight.

“No, darling,” he said softly. “I was just thinking about you.” 

“About me?” You narrowed your eyes in confusion. “Why?”

“I was remembering our time together, the things we’ve shared - and I don’t just mean that lovely neck of yours.”

You dipped your head a little in embarrassment. 

It had been at least a tenday since you awoke in the middle of the night with Astarion hovering over you, his fangs bared in preparation to strike. Once he’d explained himself, you were more than happy to help him out with his hunger.

And the process hadn’t been entirely unpleasant either. The initial sting hadn’t been great, you’d admit, but the pleasant numbness that overtook you? Finding yourself being held so intimately by one of the most attractive men you’d ever seen? The act of helping your friend with something he needed that you could so easily give? Worth it. He’d fed from you a few times now, and while you needed Shadowheart’s help to feel better the next day, you kept returning to him.

“Aw shucks,” you said finally. Stupidly.

Astarion looked a bit thrown off by that response, but took a single step closer to you.

“I’m… starting to like the whole package, honestly. And you clearly like me too, so…”

You blinked at him. Of course you liked him. You liked all of your traveling buddies. What the hells was he getting at? 

“So..?”

He smiled at you and leaned a bit closer. “Come now. Don’t be coy. Your body’s already given you away.”

Your body? In what sense? You looked yourself up and down. Maybe something had come loose on your armor. Maybe Karlach had stuck a dumb sign to your back.

Astarion cleared his throat to bring your attention back to him. “I can feel it. Whenever I get lost in your neck.” He moved closer and brushed your hair away from your neck, revealing the fading puncture wounds from his previous feeding. You shivered as his knuckles grazed your throat tenderly. “Your little shakes of excitement…”

Blood roared through your ears as your heart picked up speed. 

He leaned in even closer to whisper in your ear, “You enjoy it, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you breathed out before you could think. If he wasn’t careful, you might get the wrong idea. You opened your eyes, not realizing you’d closed them, and cleared your throat. “I mean, obviously I enjoy it. I keep coming back, don’t I?” Before Astarion could respond, you quickly added, “I also like that it’s helping you.”

The vampire pulled back to look you in the eye, his expression unreadable. Then a sly smile crept onto his face.

“I enjoy it too. More than words can say.”

“Good,” you said, holding his gaze. “I’m glad.”

Astarion hummed in thought. “You deserve a reward. I am so very pleased with what you keep giving me.” His eyes flashed down to your neck, then lingered on your lips, and finally landed back on your eyes. 

“Oh, I don’t need anything,” you shifted your gaze away, looking up at the sky turning pink above you. You laughed and looked back at Astarion, shifting your shoulder towards him to indicate your backpack. “I mean, maybe a new lute, but I’ll find one on my own. And getting rid of the tadpole might be nice… But, you know what? I did see you swipe a book that I’d been eyeing at the Grove so maybe that could-”

“Darling,” Astarion cut in, sounding a bit frustrated. “What I mean is, we could take an evening to ourselves - get away from camp.”

You looked around. You weren’t currently at camp. The expression you gave Astarion said as much. 

He sighed heavily. “We could get some privacy.” He gestured at some of the goblins milling about in the distance. 

You nodded slowly. He couldn’t be suggesting-

“I know somewhere quiet. Somewhere intimate.”

Oh no.

You went rigid. If Astarion noticed, he didn’t say anything and pressed on.

“Somewhere we can… indulge in each other.”

You were silent, your mind racing and yet no coherent thoughts were coming through.

Astarion searched your face, looking for any indication as to how you might respond.

You blinked a few times. “What do you-”

“By the hells!” Astarion looked up incredulously, as if someone were pulling a wicked prank on him. “Sex, my dear. A night of passion.”

You swallowed thickly. Then, after a moment, “With me?”

Astarion cocked his head as if he didn’t understand the question. “Obviously.”

“But… why?”

“Why?”

You nodded. 

The vampire schooled his features from a look of confusion, into one of cool calmness. His voice dripped with seduction. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? To lose yourself in me?”

It was true, you’d thought about having Astarion in that way. You’d have to be a fool to not appreciate his effortless beauty and devilish charm. Hells, most of the time you spent alone in your tent was occupied with thoughts of him; his laugh, his smirk, his hands… But you never imagined he would ever reciprocate the thought! Part of the fun was that you knew it would never happen. That you were safe.

“That didn’t really answer my question,” you said.

You were met with a quirked brow. 

You continued. “Why me?”

Astarion rested a hand on his hip. “Did we not just go over this? I think you specifically deserve a reward for letting me drink your blood.” He looked a bit exasperated.

Your eyes narrowed. “I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to have sex with someone.”

Astarion sputtered. “So… what are you saying? That you don’t want to have sex with me? I can assure you, I am an excellent lover.”

Now you were becoming irritated. “I don’t doubt that, Astarion, but I don’t think you should feel like you owe me something so intimate for something I do willingly! I do it knowing I’ll get nothing in return!” You turned and continued on the path back towards camp.

“Oh, please!” You heard Astarion’s footsteps behind you. “Don’t you want to have some fun? I can promise you a night you’ll never forget.” When you didn’t respond, he doubled down. “On my honor, the only thing on my mind is depraved, carnal lust.”

“That’s the problem!” You shot back at him. 

His footsteps stopped. “Gods, don’t tell me you’re one of those people who thinks feelings have to be involved.”

You kept walking.

“Oh my gods, you are!” He picked up his pace again to catch up with you.

“Astarion,” you warned.

“My, my, isn’t that adorable.”

“Drop it, Astarion.” You ignored the way he watched you intently from your peripheral.

You didn’t know why his inquiry had surprised you. You knew he was flirty, you knew he was experienced, and you knew he was probably looking for a way to scratch that itch since the nautiloid crash. You just didn’t expect him to turn that attention on you. You saw the way he’d eye Wyll. The way he’d playfully tease Karlach. It didn’t make sense that he’d come to you for this when he could indulge in anyone else at camp. Yes, the thought of him bedding someone else sent an ache through your chest, but he was free to do what he wanted. You didn’t want your own baggage to hold him back.

Surely he knew you simply enjoyed his company. The two of you enjoyed testing each others’ wit and it was quite often that your companions could find you hanging around his tent, sharing laughs over books and wine. It never occurred to you that he might want more from you. 

To his credit, Astarion did stop talking for a good minute and a half.

“Have you ever had sex before?” His tone became sincere. 

You looked over at him. “Does it matter?”

Astarion breathed out a small laugh. “No wonder your blood tastes so sweet.”

You groaned loudly and brought your hands to your face. “This is quite possibly the worst day of my life.”

Astarion threw a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Really? The worst day of your life involves a world-endingly beautiful vampire practically throwing himself at you?”

“No, it’s the fact that the most handsome and interesting man I’ve ever met actually wants to have sex with me and he doesn’t even like me.”

“I never said I don’t like you.”

You hummed out a sarcastic noise. Sure.

“Truly!” He went silent momentarily, thinking. “Okay, who else would plan a diversion at camp involving several minor illusions and loud music to allow me to swipe Gale’s diary for the evening?”

You exhaled. “Not Gale, that’s for sure.” A small smile.

“And to this day he still doesn’t know that we know about his pitiful collection of handwritten poetry.” Astarion sighed wistfully. Noticing your smile, he continued. “And who else would lend me their books when they may or may not be done with them yet?”

“You’re the one who’s been taking my books?”

“Bad example.” Astarion thought for a moment. “Who else would advocate for a bloodthirsty killer to stay at their camp, knowing next to nothing about them, but trusting that they would make good on their promise not to hurt anyone?”

The sentence hung heavy in the air between you.

You broke the silence. “That one was kind of a mouthful.”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

You remained quiet. Then you elbowed him playfully. “I’m a lot of fun.”

Astarion groaned loudly. “I take back everything I’ve said.”

You chuckled and a pleasant silence settled around you. The sun hung low beneath the horizon, painting the sky a calming shade of dark blue.

“I didn’t quite mean it like that,” you clarified. “I meant more like, you don’t like like me.”

“My gods, you’re a child,” Astarion was quick to tease, but didn’t dispute you. 

You made a noise of lame acknowledgement and felt him watching you again. 

The silence stretched once more before sincerity returned to Astarion’s tone. “Is there a reason you haven’t had sex yet?”

You inhaled deeply and looked up at the sky. Maybe this was good. Maybe putting it all out in the open would make you feel lighter. Less embarrassed.

“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to,” you began. “Growing up, I always read stories about love.”

“Ah,” Astarion tipped his head back. “The classic ‘life is not like the fairy tales’ syndrome.”

“Kind of,” you admitted. “In school I always had a crush on somebody. I’d build it up into something wonderful in my head like those stories I grew up with, but I was always too shy to actually say anything to anyone in real life. I deflected that shyness with silliness. People would like me if I made them laugh.” You wrapped your arms around your torso, willing away the feeling of insecurity. But it felt like Astarion was truly listening. You continued.

“As I got older and people my age started dating and having sex, I was kind of left behind. When I did put myself out there, no one ever chose me. I was always the silly, reliable friend. Never the object of anyone’s desire.”

“I’m sure that can’t be true.”

You spread your arms out wide, gesturing around at the wide open and clearly very empty space around you. “And yet, here we are.”

Astarion humphed softly. 

“I don’t know. I put walls up. If no one wanted me, then I wouldn’t let anybody have me.”

“Sounds lonely.”

“Mmm.” You wrapped your arms around yourself again. “That’s why I didn't understand what you were asking earlier. I didn’t think it was possible that someone might actually want me like that. Somebody that I actually liked, too. Especially when you could have your pick of anyone at camp. I… I never let myself think that way because I’ve been wrong about it before. Whenever I’ve wanted someone in the past, I’ve only ever been rejected and hurt. If I keep the feelings to myself, I’m safe. No chance of being hurt again.”

Astarion didn’t say anything. Just nodded and waited to see if you would continue. 

“So yes, I do want the feeling attached to it when I do decide to have sex with someone. I’m tired of feeling unwanted. I’ve waited this long, it has to mean something.”

Astarion clicked his tongue. “Darling, I think that’s putting far too much pressure on yourself and your future partner.”

You looked at him questioningly. 

He shrugged. “I mean, why not just… rip the bandage off, so to speak? I could guarantee you a good time as opposed to whichever inexperienced goon catches your eye in the future.” 

You unintentionally curled in on yourself. “I don’t think I’d feel comfortable being that vulnerable with someone I’m not completely at ease with.”

“And you’re not completely at ease with me?”

“Well, I-”

“You quite literally, and stupidly, put your life into my hands nearly every night by letting me drink your blood.”

“Yeah, but-”

“And you did just share an incredibly tragic backstory with me about your pathetic, sheltered childhood, so what do you call that?”

You whacked Astarion’s arm HARD. 

“I will kill you.”

“You will not.”

“I will not.” You agreed. Then you sighed. “I don’t trust myself not to become incredibly attached to whoever I decide to give myself to.” You avoided eye contact by picking at your nails. “I don’t want to put that burden on you.”

“It’s hardly a burden, my love, I offered.”

You pointed at Astarion. “Right there.”

He looked himself up and down. “What?”

“‘My love.’ If you call me things like that, I’ll really become attached.” Feeling too vulnerable, you added jokingly, “I may even start to like you.”

“It’s a term of endearment, darling. But I’ll jot that down on the list of ways to pleasure you.” Astarion held his hand up in the air and mimed writing down “my love.”

You squeaked in embarrassment and brought your hands to your face. 

In the distance, flickering lights caught your eye as your camp began to come into view. The voices of your other traveling companions drifted towards you and the smell of whatever Gale had made for dinner filled your lungs. You inhaled deeply, realizing how hungry and exhausted you were.

“Come on,” you said, picking up your pace.

“Hold on,” Astarion caught you by the arm. 

You let out a pathetic whine. “Can’t this conversation be over?”

Astarion laughed. “No, dear, I’m not finished with you yet.” He watched your pupils dilate and brushed a lock of hair out of your face. You looked at your feet to avoid his gaze. “I may not be able to give you exactly what you want,” his finger caught your chin and made you look at him again, “but I promise not to hurt you.”

You blinked at him. 

“Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you might actually like me.”

He shook his head. “Stop deflecting, darling.”

You snapped your fingers. “Rats. Shouldn’t have told you that part.”

His grip on your arm tightened. “Let me have you. Tonight.”

Your heart began to pick up speed again. 

Astarion leaned closer to whisper in your ear. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

You attempted to shimmy out of his grip and he let you. 

“I, uh-” It was too much. The look on his face was too intense. You felt too exposed despite the layers of armor currently clad to your body. 

“I’m scared,” you admitted quietly.

“Don’t be,” he whispered, leaning in and kissing you on the cheek. “I’ll be gentle.”

You could cry. This was all happening so fast. You cleared your throat. “I’ll think about it.”

Astarion gave you a devious smile. “Good.” 

He stepped away and resumed the short walk back to camp. He called to you over his shoulder, “Come on, darling. Let’s get you some food.”

It was your turn to catch up with him. When you did, he said, “You’ll need the energy for what I have planned.” Then he winked.

You scoffed. “I haven’t agreed yet!”

“You will.”

~~~~~

Shortly after arriving back at camp, Astarion had let you and your companions know that he was going out for a hunt. Before he left, however, he loudly announced, “Somebody get this woman some food. She’s been through quite a lot this evening.” He smirked, then promptly disappeared into the forest beyond, leaving you to answer to the five curious faces gathered around the campfire.

That was probably for the best. The less you had to look at him, the less you’d think about him and what he’d offered. 

Shadowheart immediately went to work examining you for any signs of injury, but you insisted that you were fine, explaining that your lute had unfortunately taken the most damage. Once Wyll had kindly ladeled you a bowl of the vegetable soup Gale had prepared, you told everyone about your encounter with the bugbear and the ogress.

Karlach howled with glee. “Are you joking, Soldier?”

You swallowed a spoonful of soup and shook your head. “Swear to the gods.”

“I do not blame them for wanting to partake in the pleasures of the flesh,” Lae’zel said. “It’s a good way to stay in peak physical form when there are no enemies around to be slaughtered.”

Gale got up to refill his bowl. “Honestly I’m glad Shadowheart and I returned to camp before we had to witness that.”

Wyll nodded. “I fear the nightmares this experience may bring about for you.”

Karlach was still laughing. “Wait, wait, use ME to demonstrate what they looked like.”

You snorted and got up, placing your bowl carefully on the ground by the campfire.

Karlach bounced on her feet and shook out her arms, limbering up. You were careful not to touch her as you instructed her to get on her hands and knees like the ogress. 

“This is awful,” Wyll said, a smile spreading on his face.

“What of the bugbear?” Shadowheart asked, her own smile widening.

You came around behind Karlach and angled your pelvis as close to her ass as you dared. You leaned forward and ghosted gripping her hips.

“FUCK OFF!” Karlach yelled in disbelief, her head angled to watch what you were doing. 

You laughed and nodded. “I swear, this is what we saw.”

Gale crossed his arms. “You know, now that I’m seeing it, it’s not as weird as I thought.”

“Chk,” Lae’zel scoffed. “While Karlach’s size is impressive, you fail to calculate how large an ogress is in comparison to a measly bugbear.”

Shadowheart laughed. “Yeah Gale, you fail to calculate-”

“I calculate just fine!” Gale interrupted. Wyll patted his shoulder.

“Well,” came a breathy voice from the treeline.

All heads turned to look and found Astarion crossing his arms and smirking at you and Karlach. 

“That was quick,” Wyll remarked.

Astarion examined his nails. “Found a rabbit’s burrow not far off. Made quick work of it.”

Karlach blew some hair out of her face as the vampire approached. “Hey, Fangs. Soldier here was just telling us about the little show you two interrupted.” She waggled her eyebrows and her hips. “Jealous?”

Astarion let out a short laugh. “Hardly.” He looked up from her to you, where you were still poised awkwardly behind her. 

You instantly looked up to avoid eye contact and moved away from Karlach. “I think you all get it by now,” you said. As you were about to return to your spot by the campfire, Astarion spoke again.

“It’s just that you had it all wrong, darling.” 

You spun on your heel to face him again and were met with a challenging look in his eye. 

Lae’zel sniffed. “Explain yourself.”

“With pleasure,” Astarion walked towards you with a wicked smile on his face.

“Go on then,” you said, gesturing towards Karlach, who was still on her hands and knees.

Astarion hummed and then clicked his tongue. “Forgive me Karlach, but I’m not interested in burning to a crisp this evening.” His eyes never left yours.

Karlach shrugged and got to her feet. She rejoined the others by the campfire.

A chill ran through your body as Astarion moved to position himself behind you. 

“Wait, me?” Your eyes went wide.

“Obviously,” Astarion smirked, referencing your conversation and confusion from earlier. He turned to address your other companions. “While what you just witnessed was a noble attempt at a demonstration, I think you’d all benefit from seeing models who can actually touch.”

Karlach groaned. “No fair.”

Astarion turned back towards you and placed a hand on the small of your back. “Go on, darling,” he purred, “on your knees.”

A small noise of protest escaped your throat, but you did as you were told. 

Astarion followed you down and whispered in your ear, “That’s it.” 

His icy hands guided your limbs into the proper positions, his fingers lingering longer than was strictly necessary. When he was satisfied, he nodded and stood.

You hung your head down and huffed out a breath. This was humiliating. 

“That’s basically what I was doing,” Karlach pointed out.

Astarion chuckled. “Yes, but this is the fun part.”

Without warning, his cold grip found its way onto your hips. You hissed quietly at the sensation.

“See, now if you could all just imagine me as a scrawny, yet formidable bugbear, and our lovely leader here as a hideous ogress, it looked something like this-”

On “this,” Astarion reared his hips forward and connected with your ass. You gasped in surprise and turned your head to look back at him. He flashed his fangs playfully in response.

“I fail to see why this is necessary,” Gale said, crossing his arms uncomfortably. 

“Perhaps because you cannot picture the correct proportions in you head,” Lae’zel responded. “I can see how one would find this humorous. Though this is a bit much.”

Karlach was laughing again. “I can totally picture it!”

The others threw in their own two cents on the demonstration, but all you could focus on was the ringing in your ears.

Astarion’s grip on your hips tightened, and he pressed farther forward into you. Your eyes went wide again and you looked back at him. There was no mistaking the sensation you currently felt: Astarion was hard in his slacks. 

He smiled deviously and wiggled his hips almost imperceptibly, but enough that you could feel it and react to it. And gods, did it feel good. 

You gasped loudly and fell forward onto your forearms, effectively detaching yourself from the vampire. 

Shadowheart rushed forward to check on you. 

“I’m fine!” You assured quickly. Perhaps a little too loudly. “My wrists gave out on me, I think.” You flexed your wrists as if that would convince your companions that you were being very honest and totally not weird right now. 

You scrambled to your feet and saw Astarion attempting to keep a straight face. 

“You and those weak wrists of yours,” he said, clearly not convinced.

“Yeah well…” You didn’t finish the thought. Instead you yawned loudly. “Well folks, glad you enjoyed our little misadventure today but I am beat. I’m off to bed.”

You walked over to your abandoned soup bowl, picked it up and brought it to the pile of other dirty dishes that accumulated by the cookware. You gave a quick goodnight to everyone and spun to return to your tent, but not before Astarion gave you a knowing nod. You gulped and closed the flap of your tent, shutting out the rest of the world.

The ringing in your ears subsided, but your mind still raced. You’d felt Astarion’s cock against your ass. That’s what that was, right? Duh, it had to be. And while the sensation had shocked you, the way he’d moved his hips so minutely had been enough to send a small wave of pleasure through you.

It had scared you.

It had thrilled you. 

It had made you run away.

You were confused beyond belief. Had Astarion been interested in you this whole time and he was just now showing it? Or were you so focused on finding the cure for the tadpoles that you’d neglected to notice his advances? He’d always been a flirt, but that didn’t automatically mean he was interested in you.

So why did he choose today to make his move? And why had he just embarrassed you in front of the entire party with that mortifying display?

Maybe he was trying to convince you to sleep with him by giving you the tiniest preview of what was to come. You shuddered at the thought, your heart pounding.

A sense of dread hung heavy in your stomach. All that could possibly come from this was embarrassment and disappointment. You were certain you were one of the least experienced people Astarion had probably ever shown interest in, save perhaps his first ever partner, whenever it was he’d lost his own virginity centuries ago. 

You weren’t completely inexperienced, having explored your own body in the dead of night, head filled with images of white curls, strong arms, a sharp jaw… But that was different. That was just you.

Surely you’d embarrass yourself somehow. You’d move incorrectly, or sound weird, or taste bad, or a whole number of other things that could possibly go wrong. Plus, while you were no stranger to injuries, the promise of pain scared you as well. You weren’t sure what to expect or how you’d handle it. 

And then there was also the problem of attachment. You knew yourself well enough to know that if you let Astarion do this, it would change things for you forever. And there’d be nowhere to hide.

“I can practically hear your thoughts racing from across camp, darling.” Astarion’s voice made you jump and you instinctively covered yourself with your arms, despite still being fully dressed. The vampire peaked his head into your tent. “May I come in?”

You swallowed and nodded.

He ducked inside and sat across from you, his hands in his lap.

“Have you thought about my offer?”

You nodded.

“And?”

“And…” You attempted to think of an answer, hoping that dragging out the word might bring clarity. Your fingers anxiously tapped your forearm and your eyes were fixed on a loose thread hanging from one of the seams at the top of your tent. 

Astarion exhaled. “I apologize.”

You looked at him curiously.

“For that display out there,” he continued. “I thought I might be able to convince you physically, but I can see now that all I did was scare you off.” 

You rested your head on your knees, turning your head to the side, and stared blankly at the canvas wall of your tent. “Sorry,” you murmured. 

Soft, cool fingers grazed your brow and turned your attention back to Astarion. He retracted his hand and held it out to you, palm up. 

Your eyes looked from his hand to his face.

“Come with me,” he beckoned.

You sucked in a breath. “I don’t know if I-”

“For a walk,” he interrupted, not unkindly. “A simple walk. That’s all I ask.”

You weren’t completely convinced, but with the way he was watching you so closely, it was hard to deny him this. Hesitantly, you took his hand and interlaced your fingers with his. Your palms were clammy again, but he was polite enough not to mention it. Instead, he squeezed your hand lightly and led you outside.

The campsite was quiet. It appeared that you had inspired the others to turn in for the night after a quick cleanup of dinner. While lights still flickered within individual tents, the only ones still lingering around by the campfire were Scratch and the owlbear cub who dozed on one of the extra bedrolls together. 

Nodding to each other, you and Astarion wordlessly agreed to remain quiet until you were far enough away from camp that you wouldn’t be overheard. Astarion led you towards the edge of the forest where he’d emerged from hunting not that long ago. Once you’d gone deep enough into the trees, he dropped your hand to allow you to walk beside him without being led. You mourned the loss of the contact but said nothing.

Leaves crunched beneath your feet as you navigated around tree trunks and over wayward roots, careful to avoid falling. You had no idea where he was taking you.

“I didn’t realize we were going for a hike,” you said. “Otherwise I would have worn my good boots.”

“Hush, dear,” Astarion said. “We’re almost there.”

He turned back and held out a hand to you again, helping you hop across a small stream. When he released your hand, he walked forward a few more paces into a clearing and turned back to face you, a smug expression gracing his features. 

You mirrored him warily. “What?”

He merely cocked his head into the clearing, motioning for you to look.

You caught up with him and froze. 

The center of the clearing had been cleaned of all forest debris and was replaced with a nest of blankets and pillows you recognized from around camp. 

Sensing your tension, Astarion placed a gentle hand on your shoulder blade.

“We don’t have to do anything,” he said quietly. “But I’d like to.”

You whined. “Well don’t guilt me into it!”

He chuckled. “I’m doing no such thing.”

You scowled at him and he laughed again. 

“Come sit.” He knelt and sat on one of the pillows, tapping the one to his left for you.

You crossed your arms and stayed put. “Did you even go for a hunt earlier?” He scrunched his nose, caught. You huffed out a humorless laugh. “How’d you sneak all this out here?”

Astarion tutted. “A gentleman never reveals his secrets.” A beat. “Though it did require multiple trips.”

“Uh huh,” you said flatly. Surveying the area, you noticed one of your own blankets was buried in the mix. You pointed to it. “Nice.”

Astarion shrugged. “I wanted you to be comfortable.”

“For sitting with you.”

“Among other things.”

A moment passed of you still standing, staring down at him, and of him sitting, smirking up at you.

Slowly, you uncrossed your arms and joined him on the makeshift bed.

“Very good,” Astarion purred.

“I haven’t agreed to anything yet,” you asserted, hugging your knees.

“I know,” he said, somehow effortlessly scooching closer to you. How he made everything he did look so incredibly sexy was beyond you. “Relax,” he instructed, motioning for you to let go of your knees. 

You sighed and copied his position; letting your knees fall to the sides and sitting cross legged across from him. 

His mouth quirked up in a half smile. He leaned in ever so slightly, causing you to instinctively lean back. He sighed down at the ground, and then looked back up at you, his expression patient. “May I kiss you?”

Your heart rate picked up again. 

“Uh… I-”

“You’ve never kissed anyone, have you?” His tone wasn’t judgemental, but it wasn’t surprised either.

You pursed your lips and shook your head.

“Right.” Astarion adjusted his posture and placed his hands on your knees. “Would you like me to teach you?”

Oh gods, yes. 

Instantly, your eyes fell to his lips. You’d spent entire evenings imagining what they might feel like pressed against your own, against your throat, kissing down your body… And here they were, being offered to you, willingly. 

What was the harm in letting him kiss you? Kissing didn’t necessarily lead to sex. Kisses and sex were two entirely separate things. And if you were going to have your first kiss with anyone, it might as well be with someone who was willing to teach you the ropes. 

“Darling?” Astarion leaned forward to catch your eye.

You blinked a few times and shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts.

“Okay,” you said finally. 

You were met with a self-satisfied smirk from the vampire.

“But-” you interrupted, leaning away again as he tried to lean in. He immediately moved back to give you space. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

Astarion stared at you blankly, and then laughed loudly.

“Oh, my dear,” he said, fondness in his cadence, “when in doubt, hold onto me.” He took your hands in his own. “May I?”

You nodded.

“Use your words.”

“Yes,” you said quietly.

He lifted your hands and placed them on his shoulders. He let his hands linger on your wrists for a second, and then moved closer to you again. 

“Kissing is simple, dear,” he said, watching your mouth as you instinctively wet your lips. “It can take some communicating to get right, but usually, if it feels good for you, it feels good for your partner as well.” He brought his hand up towards your face and swept some hair behind your ear. 

Again, your heart thundered in your ears. 

He must have sensed it. “Relax,” he instructed on an exhale. 

You exhaled with him. 

Astarion nodded. “I’m going to kiss you now.” His eyes followed yours as you tried to look away, embarrassed. He wouldn’t let you. “Look at me for a moment, please.” You reluctantly met his gaze and he continued. “If you don’t like something, or if it’s too much, tell me immediately.”

“What if I’m not good?” you asked earnestly.

“Then we’ll readjust. But don’t worry, darling, I’m an exceptional teacher.” 

You snorted, a joke poised on your tongue. “And I was always really good in scho-'' Before you could finish the thought, Astarion’s lips connected with your own. 

Briefly. 

Chastely. 

Over before you even registered what had happened. 

Your mouth remained in an “o” shape, having been in the middle of saying the word “school.”

“You really do like to talk, don’t you?” Astarion chuckled, pleased that he’d rendered you speechless, if only for a second.

“That didn’t count,” you huffed.

Astarion raised a mischievous eyebrow. “I’m sorry, are you asking for another?”

You muttered something that sounded a lot like “fuck you” under your breath. 

Astarion smirked. “What was that?”

You sighed heavily and felt your face heat up. 

Stupid beautiful man with his stupid beautiful face and stupid kissable lips.

“Can you please actually kiss me?” you asked, trying your best to keep your tone even, despite feeling mortified. Your hands, still draped over his shoulders, fidgeted with the back of his shirt.

Astarion brought one of his hands up to cover your own and tilted his head to rest his cheek against his own knuckles. His tone was playfully childish when he said, “Yes, I can.”

This time, when he leaned in, you didn’t lean away. Much to your dismay, however, he paused mere centimeters from your mouth, teasing you. When you made an impatient noise, he smiled and closed the distance. 

His mouth was soft and gentle, and you let your eyes flutter closed, focusing on the sensation. You followed his lead as his mouth moved against yours, doing your best to mimic what felt good and noting whenever he made a sound of approval. 

He pulled back far too soon. “Very good,” he said, a bit breathlessly. “You did well.”

You smiled, relishing in the praise. “I liked that.”

“Did you?” His eyes conveyed that he was genuinely glad to hear that. “I mean, of course you did.” His flirty inflection reemerged.

You connected your index finger with his nose and pushed him away teasingly. As soon as you ended the touch, he brought his face right back up to yours. He cleared his throat.

“Would you like to try again?” Astarion sounded a bit uncertain. Like you still might say no. “There’s more I can show you.”

You laced your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck. “Please.”

His eyes were half lidded as he looked from your lips to your eyes once more. He leaned in again and captured your mouth with his. He was still gentle this time, but you could tell by the way his hands came up to cup your cheeks that he wanted more and was going slow for your sake. His mouth was moving against yours at an agonizingly sluggish pace.

In a spur of confidence, you flicked your tongue forward to prod at his bottom lip.

Astarion made a sound of slight surprise, but took the hint and opened his mouth to you. 

You hadn’t really thought that far ahead. You hesitated. 

Then you felt an amused noise come from the back of Astarion’s throat, and were met with his tongue gliding against your own. You gasped at the new sensation, but quickly found a rhythm to meet him at. This was all so new and intense, and yet you felt safe in this moment with Astarion leading you through it. Every touch felt so heavenly, every lick tasted so right. 

Reluctantly, you pulled away to catch your breath. Astarion followed after you, his mouth still chasing your own. 

When he realized you needed a moment, his lips instead met your throat, leaving sloppy, open mouth kisses against the fading bruises from his last feeding session. You let out an unexpected moan, which had you slap a hand to your mouth and had Astarion pull back to look at you. 

He raised his eyebrows, clearly excited by the sound you just made. “What a sweet voice you have, my love.”

You whimpered at the pet name and he chuckled, surging forward to kiss your cheeks. 

“You,” a kiss to your right cheek, “are an excellent,” a kiss to your left cheek, “student,” a lingering kiss to your lips. 

“And you are an exceptional teacher,” you admitted.

Astarion’s expression became smug again. “I know.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead on your shoulder. You ran your fingers through his hair and scratched his scalp soothingly. 

He muttered something incoherent into your shirt. 

“What was that?” you laughed. You’d never seen such an affectionate Astarion before. It was incredibly endearing and, annoyingly, made you like him even more. 

He kissed your shoulder before bringing his head back up. “I said,” he moved to whisper into the shell of your ear, “I want nothing more than to ravish you.”

Once again, you felt your face heat up and you swallowed thickly. 

Astarion pulled back to look at you and saw the anxiety written across your face. He sighed. “The last thing I want to do is scare you.”

You stayed quiet.

“I know that’s ironic, coming from a literal monster that parents warn their children about.” He was attempting to keep things light. You appreciated his effort. He went on, his voice distant. “I know what it’s like to have a bad experience with sex.”

That caught your attention. You looked at him curiously.

He sat back and placed his hands on his knees. “I don’t want that for you.”

You furrowed your brows, confused. “What do you mean?”

Astarion shook his head, willing whatever he was thinking about to disappear. “That doesn’t matter right now.” Before you could argue, his eyes narrowed at you, sensually. “You must allow me to show you what you’ve been missing out on all this time. You’re far too exquisite to have never experienced the pleasure I can offer. And far too delicious not to taste.”

His sudden change in demeanor gave you whiplash. Whatever soft and affectionate side you’d seen from him moments ago was gone, replaced by this sexy dream grinning before you. You didn’t like knowing that he’d had a bad experience with sex in the past, or that he’d brush it off so easily. It made you angry at whoever had hurt him. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Of course I am, pet.” He lowered his voice seductively, “But I’d be a lot better if I were buried deep inside of you.”

“What are you doing?” You asked, backing away from him considerably. 

“What do you mean, lover?” Astarion looked at you with a curiosity that you could now see was fake. 

“Hey, remember when you said that the last thing you wanted to do was scare me?” You tucked your knees into your chest again, protecting yourself. “You’re doing a piss poor job of that right now.” When he didn’t respond, you said his name, loudly. “Astarion .”

Astarion’s grin vanished. Then he blinked. His eyes widened as if he were just realizing you were there with him. He reached out a hand towards you, then retracted it. 

“I- I’m sorry, darling. I don’t know what came over me just now.” 

You lowered your knees slowly and returned to sitting cross legged. 

“If having sex with you is going to make you like that , then I have no problem saying no.” Your tone was sharp and final. 

Astarion winced. “It’s not. That wasn’t-” He sighed. “I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”

“Mhm.”

He furrowed his brows. “I won’t let that happen again.” Then he looked at you sheepishly. “Let me start over.”

You raised an eyebrow.

He cleared his throat. “I want you to have the best possible first experience with sex.”

You nodded slowly. 

“And I know a thing or two about sex.” He winked at you.

You rolled your eyes, but a smile ghosted your lips.

He began to crawl towards you tentatively. When you didn’t back away, he took one of your hands in both of his. 

“Nothing would bring me greater pleasure than bringing you the greatest pleasure.” 

You snorted. “That was awful.”

“But I made you laugh,” he smiled, the affectionate side you’d seen earlier present in his eyes. He kissed the back of your fingers. 

“I still don’t know why you care about my first time so much,” you said. “This is my problem, not yours.”

“Gods forbid the team’s problem solver has her own problem solved,” Astarion said flatly. “Besides, I want to do this for you. You deserve the best.”

“And you’re the best.” It wasn’t a question so much as an amused statement. 

“Obviously.” Astarion leaned forward and kissed your cheek.

You chuckled softly. Then, after a quiet moment, you asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

He knew what you were referring to. The bad experience he’d mentioned earlier. 

He shook his head. “Not tonight, my sweet. Tonight should be about you.” He squeezed your hand.

You supposed that was okay. You’d opened up to him earlier tonight and he’d been patient enough to listen. You could be patient and wait until he was ready to open up in return.

“I didn’t like what happened back there,” you clarified. 

Astarion crossed his heart. “He shan’t return.”

“And I expect you to tell me if you feel him coming back.”

“I’ll stop immediately. Though, it might be hard for me to drag myself away.” He gave you a sideways smirk. You weren’t having it. His expression instantly grew serious again. “I’ll stop immediately.”

You sighed, realizing how close you were to agreeing. There was just one more thing. “If I agree to this, I don’t think I’ll be able to look at you the same way.”

“What, you mean as a devilishly charming, heartbreakingly good looking rogue?”

“No, I mean I’ll probably want more from you. And I’m not talking about your body, or your lame attempts at seduction, I’m talking about you. Astarion.”

That gave him pause. You could practically see the cogs in his mind turning rapidly. 

You backtracked. “But I don’t want to scare you. I’m perfectly fine to end the night here and-”

“No!” Astarion seemed surprised by how quickly he interrupted. You tilted your head in hopeful curiosity.

He inhaled deeply, then blew whatever air a vampire can take in, out. “I may be willing to agree to those terms.”

Your face lit up. “Really?” You readjusted yourself to sit excitedly on your knees.

Astarion leaned back a little. “I’m not going to regret saying that, am I?”

“Only if you hate fun,” you poked at his side lightly. 

He groaned. “Five seconds into this relationship and I already want to break up with you,” the sentence was punctuated with a laugh.

You surged forward and threw your arms around his neck, hugging him. He froze, and you sensed his hands hovering just above your skin. You nuzzled his neck with your nose and kissed his throat tenderly, trying to convince him to wrap his arms around you. When he finally did, you hummed happily. You looked up at him and found him looking down at you with wonder. You laughed and leaned up to kiss his mouth. When you pulled away, he looked a bit dazed.

“Oh, you are dangerous,” he practically growled and captured your mouth again with his own. 

This time there was nothing gentle about the kiss. Astarion immediately slid his tongue into your mouth and you nearly choked in surprise and delight. He was desperate, and so were you, moving your hands to his hair and gripping his curls tightly. He moaned into your mouth and you smiled, mentally noting that his curls were a point of pleasure for him. 

Astarion pulled back for a moment to allow you to breathe, but not before catching your lip with one of his fangs. You felt a mild sting as you realized he’d pierced skin. You brought a hand to your lip and your finger came away with blood. 

“You did not just-”

“Oh, you’ll find that I did,” he smirked and leaned forward, sucking your lip into his mouth and savoring every drop of blood he pulled from it. “Your blood is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted,” he sighed after releasing your lip with a pop. 

“I hope that’s a good thing,” you said.

“My love, it’s fantastic.” He pulled you closer and had you sit on his lap before he kissed you again, immediately falling back into a desperate rhythm. 

The noises he was making were better than any song you’d ever heard. You tugged on his hair again and he made a noise of satisfaction that was accompanied by a sudden buck of his hips. You gasped into his mouth and felt him smile against your lips. He bucked his hips again if only to get you to react again. You pulled away to look at him. His eyes were half lidded and he wore a lopsided grin. 

Rather than saying anything, he placed his hands on your hips and repositioned you in his lap. You gasped again when you felt the unmistakable length of his cock, hard in his pants. 

He let out a breathy laugh. “Go on,” he cooed, “rub yourself against me.” 

A moan escaped your throat and you hid your face in his neck, embarrassed. 

“No, no, love,” he pulled you back gently by the shoulders. “Don’t hide.” He rose slightly to kiss your lips soothingly. “Allow yourself to feel good.”

You looked down at him skeptically. He merely nodded for you to go ahead. Hesitantly, you readjusted your legs and gave an experimental roll of your hips. You were met with instant pleasure as his clothed length skimmed your clit. Your mouth dropped open and your eyes met Astarion’s. There was a look of pride on his face and he nodded, encouraging you to keep going. You rolled your hips again, angling yourself just right to hit the best spot every time. 

“That’s it,” Astarion praised. “You’re doing so well. Do you feel good?”

You whimpered in response and brought your head down to nod against his shoulder.

“That’s a good girl,” he said and kissed your ear. His cool hands rested on either side of your hips under your shirt. Slowly, he moved his hand up and experimentally squeezed one of your breasts. You moaned out an approval and Astarion moved his mouth to nibble on your earlobe. 

It was all becoming too much. Your mouth hung open and you shut your eyes to prevent them from rolling back. You could feel your climax approaching as the familiar knot in your stomach began to tighten and threatened to snap. 

“Ass-” you whined, not able to get his full name out as he pinched your nipple under your shirt.

“Let go, my love,” he whispered into your ear. “I’ve got you.” He kissed your cheek sweetly, and it was enough to send you over the edge. You cried out Astarion’s name over and over as waves of pleasure pulsed through you. He met your cries with praise.

“Yes dearest, you look so beautiful while you make yourself come on me, I can’t wait to make you come again and again, my love, you filthy thing, I adore the way you scream my name.”

As you came down, you rested your forehead against Astarion’s. You smiled at him tiredly, and kissed his nose. “What did you just make me do?”

“Oh, don’t tell me that was your first orgasm?” Astarion looked genuinely upset.

You laughed. “No, I’ve made myself come before.”

“Oh?” He smirked at you. “And what have you gotten yourself off to?”

“Uh…” You looked at him sheepishly.

“Don’t get shy on me now!” Astarion raised his voice in exasperation. “You just came on my lap!”

You spoke softly, hoping maybe he wouldn’t hear you. “It should not surprise you in the least to know that… it may or may not have been to you.” 

A self-satisfied smirk returned to the vampire’s face. 

“You’re not as innocent as you pretend to be, darling.” He kissed you sweetly. “Anything about me in particular?” He pulled back and held up his arms, turning from side to side so you could get a better view of him from different angles. 

You tapped your chin in faux thought. “I’d actually rather see what you have in mind.”

“About me?”

“No, idiot. I’d love to see how you plan to get me off.”

A growl came from the back of Astarion’s throat. “Now that, I can do.”

In an instant, he scooped you into his arms and laid you down flat on the blankets. He grabbed a wayward pillow and placed it under your head. You watched him in awe. 

He laughed. “What now?”

“You’re so handsome,” you smiled, your face all shades of gooey.

He returned a soft smile of his own. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He bent to kiss your mouth and then began to kiss down your jaw towards your throat. You sighed dreamily and laced your fingers through his hair. 

“Remind me why I was holding off on this?” You said absently, wrapping your calf around Astarion’s.

He murmured against your throat, “Because you’re a stubborn fool.” He kissed the hickies that were already forming down your neck.

Your eyes shot open to glare at him and found him looking at you mischievously. 

“You asked,” he said, licking a stripe from the base of your neck up to your ear. 

You shivered as the night air chilled the line he left behind. 

“Ready for more?” He spoke quietly next to your ear. 

“Yes,” you breathed.

You heard him snicker and then he pulled back. He swept a hand through the air, gesturing the length of your body.

“These have to go.” He was referring to your clothes.

“Right,” you said, making no move to remove them. Instead, you subconsciously crossed your arms over your chest. 

Astarion frowned and thought for a moment. “How about this,” he looked pleased with himself. “How about I remove your clothes, and then you remove mine?”

Your eyes raked over his body, imagining what he might look like beneath his ruffled collar. 

“Now, now, darling, all in good time.” He kissed your forehead. “What do you say?”

You inhaled deeply, then nodded. “Okay.”

“There she is.” Astarion smiled down at you, his hands already resting on your hips. “I’m going to start with your shirt, alright?”

You nodded and raised your arms above your head. You closed your eyes, attempting to ground yourself. 

As Astarion began to lift your shirt, you felt his lips connect with the soft skin of your stomach. You sucked in a startled breath, which caused him to pause, but he continued once he felt you relax. His lips made their way all the way up your torso until he had to lift the shirt over your head to remove it completely. 

Your face flushed, having never been this exposed in front of someone before, but Astarion looked at you with nothing but fondness in his eyes. 

“Gorgeous,” he said, leaning down to kiss your bare shoulder next to your bra strap. 

You fidgeted uncomfortably. 

Astarion pulled back. “Alright there?”

“I’m just… new at this.” You tried to make yourself smaller.

He chuckled. “So I’ve heard.” He kissed your mouth quickly, trying to soothe your nerves. “I’m going to take off your bra now, okay?”

You searched his face for any sign of judgment and found none. You sighed. “I guess so.”

Astarion frowned and kissed you again, with more passion this time. When he pulled away, his face was stern. “I promise that I already think the world of you.” His gaze held yours. “Seeing all of you will not change that. In fact, it’ll likely just make me want you more.”

You giggled bashfully. “Okay, fine, you can look at my boobs.”

He groaned. “Boobs,” he mimicked your voice mockingly. “Gods you’re annoying. I’m trying to have a serious moment with you.”

“Sorry,” you blushed. “You may remove my brassiere and expose my breasts for all the forest to see.”

Astarion hummed disapprovingly. “Better, but still not great.”

“I’m afraid that’s as good as it’ll get for now.”

“Hmm. We’ll work on it.” Before you even knew what was happening, Astarion had undone the clasps on your bra and was yanking it off.

“Astarion!” You laughed in disbelief and flung an arm over your chest.

“I told you, you talk too much.” He took the bra and flung it to the side of the blanket nest. “You make it so easy.”

“Damn you and your ability to do things under people’s noses.”

“Yes, yes, I’m incredible, now move your arm and let me look at you.”

Pursing your lips, you hesitantly moved your arm away from your chest and rested it rigidly beside you. You looked anywhere but at Astarion. 

You felt his hand find yours and interlocked your fingers. You felt him kiss the back of your hand and set it back down gently. You finally looked at him and found him staring at you.

“I was right,” he said, somewhat sing-songingly.

“About what?”

“I just want you more.” He leaned forward, inches away from your left breast. He paused and looked up at you. “Can I touch you?”

“Wait,” you said, sitting up on your forearms. Astarion pulled back immediately. 

“Something wrong?”

“Yes,” you glared at him. He looked confused. You rolled your eyes and held out an arm, gesturing to his torso. “Can’t we level the playing field?”

He looked from your hand to his shirt and laughed. “Of course, my dear.” He crept closer to you and you sat up fully, letting your breasts rub against the cotton material of his shirt. He looked pleased as he felt one hand grip the bottom of his shirt and the other slid exploratorily up his abdomen. Your eyes widened when you felt the hardened muscles that lived there.

“No fair,” you complained. “How do you keep getting more attractive?”

Astarion exhaled through his nose, amused. “Would you please hurry up?”

“I’m going, I’m going” you huffed and pulled his shirt up and over his head in one fluid motion. “No fair,” you muttered again, taking in his chiseled features. 

“Come here,” he said and pulled you back onto his lap. He slid his tongue into your mouth as his hand found your right breast. You moaned at the contact and used your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer, causing your left nipple to pebble against his icy pectoral. You opened your mouth wider and let out a throaty whine. 

Astarion cradled you to him and laid you down again in the blankets. He disconnected himself from your mouth and reattached himself on your left breast, taking the pebbled bud gently between his teeth. Your back arched away from the blankets as he pulled it lightly, his other hand making its way to knead your other breast. 

“Oh, Astarion,” you exhaled dreamily. 

He hummed against your breast which only made you arch your back again. He continued swirling his tongue around your nipple until he decided to switch and give your other breast the same attention. You brought your hand back up to his curls and pulled firmly, making him groan against you. Your other hand set to pulling his chest closer but when your touch met his back, you felt a raised pattern there. 

“Astarion?” You asked, clearing your throat. 

“Hmm?”

“What’s this?”

“What’s what, my sweet?” He pulled back to look at you, his pupils blown wide and a string of saliva still connecting him to your breast. 

You moved your hand out of his hair and used both hands to brush up and down his back. “This.” You sat up a little to angle your head and get a better look. What you saw made you gasp and made Astarion push off of you and crawl back. A hugely intricate scar comprised of writing in a language you couldn’t comprehend took up the majority of his back.

“Who did that to you?” You made no move to hide your anger. 

If it was possible, Astarion looked paler than usual. “It’s… It’s a poem.”

“A poem?” You clearly didn’t believe him. 

He sighed. “A gift from my old master, Cazador. He considered himself quite the artist and used his slaves as a canvas.” He turned a little so you could get a better look. “He composed and carved that one over the course of a night.” Though he wasn’t thrilled to be telling you this in the first place, Astarion’s tone became somber and quiet. “He made a lot of revisions as he went.” 

You furrowed your brows angrily. “So when are we going to kill this guy?” You crawled closer to him and he turned back to face you head on. 

He chuckled at your bitter expression, but his own face fell. “Ideally as soon as we set foot in Baldur’s Gate.”

“Not soon enough,” you grumbled. “Any idea what it says?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I can look in a mirror and see.” As he spoke, you moved to position yourself behind him and get a better look. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. Whatever the bastard wrote, it won’t change what he did to me.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck from behind and kissed his bare shoulder. “We’ll get him. He’ll pay for everything he’s done.”

Astarion snickered. “Keep talking like that and I may never let you go.”

“That’s the goal,” you kissed his other shoulder. “Think of all the blood.”

The vampire groaned and spun to face you again. “Cut it out. I’m hard enough already.”

You laughed as he kissed you again. Your hands held onto his back and rubbed up and down soothingly. You pulled away and looked at him seriously. “I’m sorry.”

Astarion tutted. “Whatever for?”

“Just… that that happened. Everything. You didn’t deserve it. Nobody does.” 

His eyes focused on something in the distance. Then he shook his head. “Enough about Cazador,” he said firmly. “He mutilated us, tortured us, starved us, but he will not ruin this new freedom for me.” He rested his forehead against yours. “For us.” 

You were content to stay like that for however long he needed to. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what the past two hundred years had been like for the man before you. The snippets you’d already glimpsed had made you angry beyond reason. 

And yet, here was Astarion, free to do as he wished and not squandering a moment of it. You’d watched him bask in the sun, sneak into locked buildings, and slaughter a goblin here and there, all with his light and airy laugh to follow along behind him. Despite it all, his laugh lines and easy smile suggested he’d been able to find joy in moments of despair. 

You kissed him again, your fingers still tracing the patterns along his back. “Can we keep going?”

His eyes widened a little with surprise. “You want to? Even with-?” He tilted his head back, indicating his scars.

“Astarion,” you angled your head down to look him directly in the eye. “Unfortunately, you’re stuck with me. And those scars are as much a part of you as your stupid handsome face.”

He raised an amused eyebrow.

“Point is, those scars don’t change how I feel about you. But I do plan to be there when we kill the bastard who put them there.”

Astarion groaned hungrily and kissed you hard. You felt his fangs prick your tongue as he once again laid you down. 

“These are coming off now,” he said, fiddling with the ties on your pants. Before he could fully untie them, he caught himself. “Please.”

You laughed and nodded.

“Use your words.”

You sighed. “Yes, you can take off my pants.”

“Thank you,” he said, immediately returning to the task at hand. You raised your hips to help as he pulled the fabric down your legs. You shivered as he kissed up your thighs on his way back to your face. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he purred. 

You groaned and brought your hands up to cover your face.

“Uh uh uh,” Astarion tsked and moved your hands back down. “None of that.”

You watched as he grazed a hand down your chest and over your stomach, down to where you wanted him most, between your thighs. Your eyes went wide when you felt his fingers immediately find your clit through the fabric of your panties. He circled it once before running his digits over your clothed slit.

“You’re already so wet for me, darling,” he sounded pleased. “You’re positively drenched.”

“Can you blame me?” you asked breathily. 

“No I cannot” he purred again, kissing you and returning his fingers to circle your clit. You whimpered then pulled away from the kiss.

“Your pants,” you said, incoherently. 

Astarion tried to register what you meant and then snorted. He pulled back and you made to sit up and follow him but he stopped you. “Stay right there. I don’t want you to move a muscle.”

“You just don’t want to have to lay me down again.”

“Perhaps,” Astarion admitted as he finished untying his own pants. He shimmied them over his hips then kicked them aside, promptly forgotten. 

You couldn’t help but stare at the prominent outline of his cock, visible even in the dim light of the moon. 

“Close your mouth, dear,” Astarion instructed. You did as you were told and bit your lip nervously. Astarion placed his knees on either side of your hips and kissed your jaw. “Don’t be scared,” he murmured. “We’re going to work our way up to it.”

You took a deep breath and blew it out, blowing on some of his curls in the process. 

“Okay,” you said. 

“Excellent.” He kissed your mouth once, then backed up so he was hovering over your pelvis. “Last piece,” he said and hooked his thumbs under the waistband of your panties. He rubbed soothing circles into your hips. “Ready?”

You bit your lip again and nodded. “Yes.”

Astarion mirrored your nod, then gently pulled at the fabric. Again, you raised your hips to help him with the process. Once the fabric was discarded, you were met with the chill of the night air cooling your folds. You shifted uncomfortably. 

“Wow,” Astarion muttered.

“I’m not hideously deformed or something, am I?” You asked, genuinely nervous, but making a joke of it. 

“Quite the opposite, love.” He spread your legs further which made you look up to the trees behind you in embarrassment. You bent your legs at the knees to give him better access regardless. “It’s taking everything in me to hold myself back.” 

“I’m sure you say that to every person you bed.” You were deflecting again.

“Mmm, but I’ve never quite meant it as I do right now.” Astarion turned his head and kissed your inner thigh. You were both quiet for a moment, then you heard him say, “Look at me.”

You ran your hands over your face, then lifted yourself to sit back on your arms and watch him. He was positioned on his stomach in front of your core. The sight made you let out a shaky breath. 

“I’m going to taste you,” Astarion said, clearly satisfied with his current position. “If you don’t like something, or if I hurt you, or if any other little thing at all bothers you, tap me with your foot and I’ll stop. Okay?”

“Okay,” you said. 

A wicked grin spread across Astarion’s face and he lowered himself to you without breaking eye contact. You weren’t sure what he was doing until you felt his tongue lick a long stripe up your folds. A cry of pleasure escaped you before you could hold back and Astarion took that as a cue to keep going. He brought his arms around your thighs and placed his hands on your hips, locking you in place. 

He licked and sucked up and down your folds a few times before he attached himself to your clit and swirled his tongue. You cried out again and let yourself fall all the way back onto the pillows.

“Good,” you heard Astarion say. “You taste even better than I imagined.”

Before you could respond, he returned to his spot on your clit and began sucking hard. You cried out in ecstacy, unable to hold back. If he kept this up, you’d fall over the edge in no time. 

As if he could sense your thoughts, he stopped and you let out a pathetic whine. “I’m going to try something new. Again, if you don’t like it-”

You didn’t bother sitting up to look at him, just flashed him a thumbs up from your spot on the ground. 

You felt him laugh as he kissed your inner thigh again and stopped in front of your core. This time, you felt one of his fingers slide up and down your folds to coat itself in a combo of your slick and Astarion’s spit. You sat up again to watch as Astarion slowly dipped his middle finger into your cunt. Your breath caught in your throat and Astarion paused to make sure you were alright. After a moment of adjustment, you nodded for him to continue and laid back down. 

Slowly, and then with more vigor, Astarion pumped his finger in and out of your dripping hole. You squeezed your eyes tight, not used to a finger that wasn’t your own. The initial shock gave way to pleasure again as Astarion began to suck on your clit once more. He rubbed soothing circles into your hip as tiny sounds of euphoria escaped your mouth with each pump and curl of his finger, and your hands gripped onto the blankets beneath you for dear life.

Astarion pulled his mouth away again but continued to pump. You bent up to look at him, breathing heavily. “I’m going to add another finger.” When he saw the nervous look in your eye, he ran his free hand up and down your thigh. “It might be unpleasant for a moment, but I promise it will get better.”

You nodded.

“Ready?” His eyes were soft.

You trusted him. “Yes.”

He smiled at you and returned his focus to between your legs. You felt his index finger glide through your folds, preparing itself to join his middle finger. You were surprised when you felt Astarion’s cool chest slide against your own. He’d shifted himself upwards and kissed your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue. Then he looked down towards his hand where you both saw his index finger disappear into your cunt. 

Your hands immediately flew to his shoulders as you gasped sharply. 

“It’s okay,” Astarion cooed and kissed your temple. He waited a moment before moving his hand. When you signaled that he could continue, he began pumping slowly. You felt him readjust his hand so that his thumb could rub circles into your clit while his other fingers continued to pump into you. 

You whimpered at the stretch and squeezed your eyes tightly. Astarion used his other hand to brush hair out of your face. 

“You’re doing great, love,” he said. “You’re taking my fingers so well. Pretty soon you’ll be taking my cock.” You whined at him and tightened a fist into his hair. He groaned in response and kissed you hungrily.

It took a few more moments, but the stretch finally gave way from discomfort into something much more pleasant. You let out a small satisfied sound and Astarion curled his fingers and began to pick up the pace. You opened your eyes again to look at him and once again found him staring. 

“Hello,” he said with a goofy grin.

You smiled back at him, breathing heavily and moaning when he hit a particularly sensitive spot. 

“That’s it. Good girl.” Astarion kissed your throat. He angled his hand to hit that spot again, and then you felt him spread his fingers while they were inside of you. You sucked in a breath and swept a hand through Astarion’s hair, accidentally brushing his ear in the process. He moaned loudly against you in response. 

His thumb picked up speed on your clit and you could feel yourself approaching the edge again. 

“Astarion,” you sighed, bucking your hips into his hand.

“What is it, sweet girl?” He kissed your jaw.

“I’m close.”

You felt his fangs graze your skin as he smiled. “Good. Don’t hold back.” His free hand began to knead your right breast. 

“Harder,” you instructed, and Astarion made a noise of affirmation. His fingers picked up speed and your hips kept rising to meet them. 

“Kiss me,” you practically begged.

“With pleasure,” Astarion barely finished the sentiment before his mouth was on yours. 

Though he was kissing you, you weren’t reciprocating as much as you’d like to, as your mouth kept opening to let out sounds of ecstasy. Astarion bit your bottom lip with his front teeth and pulled ever so slightly, causing your eyes to flutter backwards and shut.

You wrapped your leg around his back, pulling him closer, a sure sign that you weren’t using your foot to tap out and instead wanted to feel more of him. This allowed for a new angle that had you seeing stars and Astarion adjusted quickly to chase the sounds of delight that had just come from your mouth. Soon you felt yourself clench around his fingers as you reached your climax. Waves of pleasure overtook you and you cried out for Astarion who kissed you senselessly all over your face. 

He murmured encouragement as you were coming down. “Oh, yes, darling, there you go, you’re gripping me so tight, you feel so good, so warm, I could practically come myself, can’t wait to feel you around me.” 

“Oh gods,” you said, detaching your hands from Astarion’s hair and catching your breath. “You’re really good at that.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you, dear.”

You hummed a sarcastic agreement and pushed him away from you. The stupid smug grin never left his face.

Instead, he made his way back down your legs. 

You watched as he went. “What are you doing?”

Without warning, Astarion licked your folds again. “Cleaning up.”

“How noble,” you said shakily.

“I am a consummate lover,” he reminded you. 

“Lucky me,” your legs instinctively came together to squeeze Astarion’s head. 

You felt his tongue dip into your cunt, which made you gasp and squeeze your legs even tighter. He continued, playing off the satisfied sounds you were making, until you squeezed maybe a little too hard from overstimulation.

“Well don’t squeeze me to death,” Astarion said, moving to clean the leftover mess on your thighs with his tongue. “I mean, I’m already dead but… you know what I mean.”

You laughed and reached your hands down to play with his hair. Out of curiosity, you brought both hands to rub the tips of his ears. His tongue paused its languid strokes on your thighs and you felt cool air against his saliva as he let out a deeply satisfied moan. He looked over at you and you smirked.

“Good to know,” you said.

“Cheeky,” he murmured before kissing your thigh and setting it down flat. He crawled back up, hovering over you before kissing you passionately. You could feel his cock, still straining through his underwear, press against your pelvis. You disconnected the kiss to look down at where your hips connected.

Astarion’s eyes followed yours. “Ah,” he said. He looked back at you and found you biting your thumbnail nervously. “Would you like to see it?” His voice was the pinnacle of calm.

It soothed you. “Yes,” you said.

He rolled off of you and sat beside you. You sat up and watched as he pulled the fabric down his legs and his cock sprang up to hit his abdomen. He settled back next to you and chuckled at your wide-eyed expression. 

“That’s not so bad,” you said absently.

“Ouch, darling.”

“No, wait, that’s not what I-” You saw Astarion smirking at you and you reached over to punch his bicep, to which he laughed.

“Would you like to touch it?” he asked, his voice wobbling mildly.

“Okay,” you said and let him take your hand into his. He guided you to his tip which was wet with precum and placed your hand gently around it, his own hand never leaving yours. He led your hand further down his shaft, showing you how to twist your wrist as you went. You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, but he was much softer than you’d imagined. Cold, yes, but his skin was so soft compared to the stiff cartilage beneath. Like velvet over steel. 

He sucked in a shaky breath. “My gods, you’re warm.”

“That’ll be the blood,” you quipped, very aware that your hand was gripping his dick. 

“I will kill you,” he muttered.

“You will not.”

“I will not,” he agreed. “Especially while you’re holding me.”

“Hopefully not ever,” you clarified. 

“We’ll see,” he teased and you squeezed his cock in warning. That led Astarion to let out a strangled moan. 

“Oh, really?” You raised your eyebrows mischievously and squeezed again, this time twisting your wrist like he showed you.

“Ooooh-kay,” Astarion moaned and grabbed your wrist. “Darling, I’m already very close to losing it, at least let me be inside of you first.”

You felt your face flush and released his dick. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Astarion soothed. He pulled you into his side and kissed the crown of your head. “Shall we continue?”

And here it was. The moment you had feared for so long. Yet here with Astarion under the stars, you felt ready. He’d been nothing but patient and kind all evening, so different from his normal flamboyant and sometimes callous demeanor. He was listening and he was teaching and it seemed like more than anything, he wanted you to be comfortable. If there was anyone you were going to do this with, you thanked any god that was listening that it was Astarion holding your hand through it. 

“Yes,” you said finally.

“Wonderful,” Astarion smiled roguishly, flashing his fangs as he pushed your shoulders down and straddled your hips. He bent and kissed your mouth, balancing on his forearms and twisting a hand into your hair. When he pulled back, his eyes were the softest you’d ever seen them. “You’re incredible,” he said.

“Aw shucks,” you said stupidly.

Astarion rolled his eyes and kissed you again. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

You laughed and pet some of the hair back from his face. “The bards will sing songs of your sacrifice.”

“The only thing I want to hear from a bard is my name cried from your lips.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Did you just come up with that?”

“I’ve had a lot of practice,” he said. “Enough stalling, my love, are you ready?”

You looked down at your hips and saw Astarion lightly stroking himself in front of your entrance. You met his eye. 

“I’m scared,” you admitted softly. 

Astarion bent to kiss you again, long and slow. “Remember how well you did a minute ago?”

“That was just your fingers,” you said, arms wrapped around his neck.

“Sure, but you were scared then, too.”

You nodded.

“And what happened?”

“It felt good,” you said shyly. 

“Exactly,” Astarion bumped his nose against yours affectionately. “The same thing will happen here. And I’ll be right here the whole time.”

You nodded again. Astarion nodded with you.

“That’s my good girl,” he said, kissing your cheek. You felt the head of his cock bump your folds. 

Your eyes widened and you looked back down at your hips. 

“I’m going to go nice and slow,” Astarion said, catching your eye. “Even though I want nothing more than to fuck you senseless.”

“Astarion!” You sounded scandalized, but your face conveyed that you enjoyed it.

Astarion growled and playfully gnashed his teeth before clearing his throat.

“It’s probably going to be uncomfortable at first, my dear,” he said. “But tell me exactly how you’re feeling. When I said I wanted to give you the best possible first experience with sex, I meant it.”

“You’re doing great so far,” you batted your eyes at him.

“You keep saying things like that as if you’re surprised,” he teased. 

You jerked involuntarily when you felt Astarion drag his length through your folds.

“This will make it easier,” he explained. “Though I must say, you feel divine, even just like this.”

You whimpered and tightened your arms around his neck. 

After a few more strokes of his cock through your folds, Astarion gripped himself and positioned the head at your core. 

“Ready?” He asked, eyes searching your face. 

You blinked a few times. “Yes.”

Astarion slowly pushed into you. You felt the discomfort right away and whined loudly, squeezing your eyes tight. 

“I know, my sweet,” he said, moving as slowly as possible. “You’re being so brave.”

The uncomfortable stretch was all you could focus on and the sting that accompanied it. “How much more?” You asked, your eyes still shut tight. 

“About halfway,” he said, audibly struggling. 

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. “Piece of cake,” you joked, once again trying to lighten the mood, your voice shaking. 

Astarion made a frustrated noise. “I am inside of you, and you’re making jokes.”

“Are you surprised?” You opened your eyes to look at him.

“I-” He thought for a moment. “No, honestly.”

You laughed, but inhaled sharply when the vein running along Astarion’s shaft stretched you in a new way.

“Shh, shh, shh,” Astarion soothed, smoothing your hair back. “Almost there.”

“Hurry up,” you groaned. 

“No need,” Astarion said. You felt his hips flush against yours. “I won’t move again until you’re ready.” He was trying to sound relaxed, but you sensed how badly he wanted to keep going.

You closed your eyes again and nodded, attempting to get accustomed to the feeling of having someone, Astarion, inside of you. It was an odd feeling, but not wholly unpleasant. After a moment of adjustment, you reached for his bicep and squeezed.

“Go ahead,” you confirmed.

Astarion let out a groan and began to pump his hips tentatively. “You are deliciously tight, my love.”

You didn’t respond. Instead, you focused on the waning pain that was gradually turning into the promised pleasure. 

“Oh…” You breathed.

“Yes,” Astarion murmured and grazed his fangs along your throat. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” 

“Yes,” you sighed, hooking your arms under his to grip his back. Your fingers traced the ridges you found there absently. “You can go a little faster,” you instructed.

“Of course, love,” Astarion buried his face between your neck and shoulder and began pumping faster. 

Your voice bobbed with every thrust of his hips, turning your moans of pleasure into a jaunty tune. You’d laugh if you weren’t so caught up in the ecstasy of it all. “Harder,” you said, wrapping your legs around Astarion’s hips to pull him even closer. 

A rumble of a growl came from Astarion’s throat as he pulled back and slammed back into you. His hand reached for your breast and you felt him lick your neck. 

You let out a shuddering breath. “Astarion,” you moaned.

“My love,” he moaned in response. “So tight. So good for me.” 

The praise spurred you on and made you begin rolling your hips in time with his thrusts. 

“Yes, darling, taking me so well,” Astarion snapped his hips even faster and with more force.

You cried out in delight. “More!” 

Astarion’s free hand came down to begin circling your clit. “That’s where you need me, isn’t it?”

You let out a high pitched keen. “Please,” you practically wept. 

“Please what?” His mouth was right next to your ear.

“Please fuck me,” you said breathily.

Astarion’s mouth connected with yours in a sloppy display of tongues and teeth. He began to slam his hips into you at an unforgiving speed. You swallowed his grunts of pleasure as he continued to lick into your mouth. Your breath caught in your throat when he switched the direction he was rubbing your clit. 

“Astarion,” you tried to sound cognisant, despite your eyes rolling back into your head. 

“Mmm,” his lips connected with your jaw.

“Bite me,” you said.

Astarion immediately paused. He looked at you. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You could see the hunger burning in his eyes beneath the lust.

“Yes,” you said and angled your neck so he’d have better access to your throat. “But I expect you to keep fucking me.”

“I won’t stop again until I make you cum,” he flashed his fangs at you and rolled his hips into yours. He nosed along your throat until he found his favorite spot to drink from. “Thank you,” he murmured before you felt his teeth sink into you.

Ice erupted in your veins and your hands flew to his hair. After a second, Astarion’s hips began to pick up speed again. Soon, his punishing pace returned, perhaps even faster than before.

He took long pulls of blood from your neck and the pleasant numbness that accompanied it only added to the pleasure you were experiencing as he pumped himself in and out of your cunt relentlessly. Your hands found his ears and began massaging them tenderly. Astarion whimpered into you, his thrusts becoming sloppy from the sensation. You could feel yourself becoming a bit lightheaded, but you were too enraptured by the vampire to care. 

When he’d had enough, he pulled away from your neck and licked the fresh wounds, making sure no wayward blood escaped and soothing the sting left behind. 

“Still delicious,” he purred into your ear. “Even though we can safely say you’re no longer a virgin.”

You yelped and lightly smacked the side of his head. “Make me cum then, casanova.”

“What, again?” Astarion smirked and thrust into you particularly hard. 

“Yes, again,” you said, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Despite the casual tone in your exchange, both of you were breathing laboriously. 

“Your blood made me even harder,” Astarion pulled lightly on your earlobe with his teeth, “if that’s even possible.”

You groaned and rolled your hips to meet his again. 

“I’m afraid I’m not going to last much longer, darling,” he said, his voice strained. 

“Keep going,” you encouraged.

Astarion buried his face in your neck again and thrust rapidly. He brought his fingers to his mouth and then moved them down to your clit to continue their ministrations. You moaned at the cool sensation and felt yourself approaching the edge. 

“I’m c-close, too,” you said, voice catching as Astarion ran a hand along your thigh. 

He hummed into your mouth and then spread your legs wider with his knee, making your own knees fall to the sides. From this new angle, Astarion was able to thrust into you even deeper. 

You cried out in surprise that quickly morphed into a whine of pleasure. 

“Go ahead, my sweet,” he cooed. “You’ve been so good for me, feel so good.”

His lips found yours again and with a few more circles of your clit and deep thrusts of his cock, you were falling over the edge and seeing stars. Your cunt gripped him like a vice and pulsed around him.

“Astarion!” You cried, reaching out to grab at his back, looking for something to anchor you as the waves of pleasure coursed through you for a third time tonight. “Oh, Astarion,” you sighed.

“Keep singing my name, bard, and I’ll cum right now,” Astarion’s voice was uneven as he continued thrusting into you, chasing his own high.

You moved your mouth to his ear. “Astarion,” you murmured. You moved to his other ear. “You made me feel so good.” You kissed his cheek. “You’ve ruined me forever-” you moved back to his other ear, “-Astarion.”

The man in question’s thrusts became sloppy and he cried out your name. He held you tightly as you felt his cum shoot into your channel, warming you from the inside. Another new sensation to add to the books, but one you’d happily experience if it meant having Astarion inside of you. 

After a few more groans and whimpers, Astarion’s body finally relaxed and fell onto you. He rested his chin on your chest and looked at you smugly. 

“So I’ve ruined you forever, you say.”

If you weren’t still trying to catch your breath, you’d groan. “You’re insufferable.”

“No, no, go on about how I’ve ruined you forever. You have such a way with words.” Astarion rested his head on his chin, as if waiting to hear some gossip, despite still being inside of you.

You rolled your eyes. “That was really good.”

“And?”

“And I hope we get to do it again.” 

Astarion laughed, his bright airy one that always brought a smile to your face. “Darling, if you think I’m going to leave you alone after that, you’re sorely mistaken.” 

You couldn’t help the smug look of your own. “I was that good, huh?”

“My love, you were wonderful,” he said, leaning forward to kiss you. “Hang on for a second. This might be uncomfortable again.” He slowly pulled himself out of you, and you felt a combo of his cum and your own drip down your legs. You shivered as he kissed you again. “I have so much more to teach you.” He looked at you wickedly. 

“I was trying to tell you earlier that I did really well in school, so that won’t be a problem.” 

“Somehow you keep surprising me with how lame you are.”

“Thank you.”

Astarion grabbed a small cloth at the edge of the blanket nest. He brought it back to you and began wiping down your legs. “Don’t want you falling asleep with that mess down there.”

“Oh, so now you want to sleep with me?” You raised your eyebrows at him, making sure he heard your pun. “My, my, things are moving fast for us.” You cupped Astarion’s cheek and kissed him.

“Would you rather walk back to camp? After I’ve so thoroughly ruined you?” He bumped his nose into yours.

“Sleeping under the stars with you sounds perfect, Astarion.”

“Good,” he said, pulling on his pants and tossing you his shirt. You put it on without a second thought. He laid out a pillow next to yours. “Come here,” he extended his arms, motioning for you to join him. You quickly curled into his side and rested your head on his chest. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you said. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“No, really,” you lifted yourself up to look at him. “You didn’t have to do any of that, but you did. And I’m grateful.”

“Yes, well… I care about you. Weirdly.”

You snorted. “I care about you, too, weirdo.”

He kissed the crown of your head. “Get some sleep. I hate to say it, but you’ll probably be sore tomorrow.”

“You love to say it.”

Astarion sighed happily. “I do. I can’t wait to see the looks on everyone’s faces tomorrow.” 

You groaned loudly. “Oh gods…” You hid your face in his chest. 

He laughed. “They’re bound to find out eventually, darling. And if anything, they’ll be jealous.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, you could have slept with anyone at camp-”

“Not jealous of you, darling, jealous of me.”

“What?” You shot him a look of confusion. 

“Oh yes, love, nearly all of our traveling companions want a piece of you-”

“They do not-”

“-and yet, you’re mine.”

Before you could argue, Astarion kissed you deeply, his mouth moving against yours with such passion and care that it made you dangerously close to saying something neither of you were prepared for yet. 

All in good time. 

For now, you were content to sleep under the stars in Astarion’s arms.