an old blog

I am under no obligation to make sense to you or your version of reality.

So true. So very true.

That’s a genius

There is no acceptable response to being sarcastically chastised by a toddler other than admitting your error and trying to do better.

i’m not denying that to-do lists can be really helpful but as soon as your brain realizes that you can just skip everything that actually requires effort and get straight to the “relax and chill out” part they’re absolutely useless

This is Shakespearian.

I never want to see another post about environmental storytelling.

My friends, the full set has been revealed to us!

I love you Archbishop Frank.

Ominous positivity

You will be okay. You have no choice.

This is some next level gaming right here

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

its ok, its only a kitagory 3

A Holy Trinity

this is cool but why is it shot like the intro credits of a crime drama

…Dessert,  but shot like Murder.  I think I’ve found my favorite aesthetic ever.

So would you say it was Death By Chocolate?

ah, the extended edition

QUALITY TWEETS :D