re-bye (semi-hiatus)

For everyone, it would simply be a normal day. Business would go on as usual, and nothing would be out of the ordinary, save for the potentially quieter than normal Ali smiling among their midst. She knew her mask would break after a while, though, and since there were no singularities that had popped up, Ali knew she could spend at the very least the evening hiding out. She stealthily slid away from the others, nabbed a cupcake from the kitchen, and slipped into her room quietly.

She remained silent as she grabbed a candle left over from someone else’s birthday from her drawer and grabbed the lighter next to it. Perchance it was irony that allowed her to keep the candle for the day she disliked so much? She didn’t know. All she knew at this point was that she liked celebrating her birthdays alone rather than with company.

As she lit the candle, she remained silent as the memories started flowing through her mind of the twenty times she’d endured this day. On the vast majority of them, if not all, she felt the same amount of loneliness. She wasn’t lonely, though- she had people celebrating with her early on before she... Distanced herself from others, enough to the point that no one even knew and she was indeed physically alone in her celebrations. She liked it that way. After all, if the Servants and Masters here knew, there would be too much unwanted attention, too much anxiety, too many flashbacks to the knife pointed at her-- what was that smell?

She blinked as her hand felt warm, and thrust back into reality, she let out a small shriek and cursed as she realized her fingernail had caught on fire, putting it out quickly (damn fake nails were a bad idea). By some stroke of uncommon luck, her finger and the rest of her were fine, though. She took a deep breath to regain her composure and shoved the now-off lighter back into the drawer from which it came. That was... Eventful. Hopefully no one heard the screech and came to check on her.

She sat on the bed and watched the candle for a few moments before she blew it out. It was an emotionless celebration of her twenty years on this planet, the only exciting thing about it being observing how the flame waved in the cool air of her room. Of course, she didn’t quite understand how that worked because she wasn’t a physicist, but she appreciated it from a metaphorical perspective. 

When she stood to remove the candle from the cupcake and toss the candle in he trash, she paused. She hadn’t made a wish, had she? That... Was the normal thing to do in these situations, right? She’d forgotten about that... A small groan escaped her lips as she removed the wrapping from the cupcake, unceremoniously shoving a bite of the treat into her mouth. While she munched on the surprisingly good delicacy, she thought over what wish she could possibly think of, even if by now it was too late to technically make it.

There should have been nothing. She’d gotten all she had really wanted when she made the contract with the Holy Grail ages before- life. It was a very unspecific wish, but she’d heard that most wishes made by the Grail in this state ended in a less than pleasant manner. Perhaps this was what had happened with her own wish, forcing herself to recede from society until she became a shell of herself before Chaldea. And yet... 

There was something tugging at her heart that she wanted to say, something she wanted to express with her lips instead of her actions, something that made her want to express herself to others verbally. It confused her beyond any comprehension. Could it be... Could it be that she was actually happy here, happy when she thought all hope would be lost, happy when she was simply content with being a mana supply for the actual saviors of the world? It didn’t make sense. No one here was to her the family that she had always wanted somewhere deep down... No, that couldn’t have been it. Her being happy was something she’d long since given up on. She’d given up on it the day her parents died...

She swallowed and looked up. Ah... Right. She’d forgotten for a moment that there was no skylight in the bedrooms. It made sense; after all, a peeping tom on the roof was less than ideal. But the nights here were so pretty! Maybe she should go outside and stargaze on the roof after this... Yes, that was what she decided to do. She smiled softly and let out a soft snort before humming to herself as she finished off the last of the treat in her hand.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Ali... Happy birthday to me.

She was content alone for the small celebrations like these, with no presents and no extravagance, and hell, no one knowing. She liked it like that. She preferred things to be simple, even if they were lonesome.