alien stage, sad words
so, there's a headcanon in which till tries to paint ivan after his death, but he's failing terribly, because he never paid enough attention to him, like he did in mizi's case. so he's more and more frustrated with every messed sketch, it's close to looking like ivan but never enough, something's always missing. he can never achieve perfection, not when he'll never be able to look at ivan again.
and here's the thing, every time I listen to ptv song "I'm low on gas and you need a jacket" and there comes the fragment "but I will soon forget the color of your eyes and you'll forget mine", the first part reminds me of the headcanon that I described with tears in my eyes in the previous paragraph. because ivan will never come back, he's dead, and even now till can barely paint him. he will slowly start forgetting his features, one day it's his exact skin tone, the other it's his tooth. and then his eyes, but maybe that's what's already missing. maybe that's why ivan doesn't look like himself, because the eyes he paints are the one of a dying man with one specific pair of eyes on him, not of a boy who wanted to be seen.
