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@okoden
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eddieĀ reallyĀ doesn'tĀ expectĀ himĀ toĀ sayĀ yes,Ā itĀ hadĀ beenĀ aĀ spurĀ ofĀ theĀ momentĀ decision,Ā somethingĀ burningĀ inĀ himĀ notĀ toĀ letĀ himĀ goĀ justĀ yet.Ā heĀ wouldĀ haveĀ blamedĀ itĀ onĀ beingĀ jostledĀ aroundĀ byĀ theĀ crowdĀ ifĀ heĀ hadĀ saidĀ no,Ā embarrassmentĀ farĀ tooĀ muchĀ toĀ bear.
"i'llĀ getĀ youĀ anythingĀ youĀ want,"Ā heĀ says,Ā soĀ earnestĀ andĀ eagerĀ afterĀ havingĀ beenĀ givenĀ aĀ chance.Ā hisĀ smileĀ isĀ wideĀ asĀ heĀ looksĀ awayĀ fromĀ theĀ otherĀ man'sĀ eyes.Ā "andĀ it'sĀ eddie.Ā youĀ canĀ callĀ meĀ eddie."Ā heĀ refrainsĀ fromĀ takingĀ hisĀ handĀ forĀ now,Ā leadingĀ himĀ overĀ toĀ theĀ barĀ whereĀ noĀ one'sĀ crowdingĀ around.Ā asĀ theyĀ waitĀ forĀ theĀ bartenderĀ toĀ makeĀ theirĀ wayĀ over,Ā eddieĀ grinsĀ rightĀ atĀ julian.Ā "iĀ reallyĀ likedĀ watchingĀ youĀ play.Ā like,Ā dudeĀ you'reĀ amazing."
ā eddie. iām jules. ā squinting, julian leans against the makeshift bar. amusement tinges his features, making it obvious that his narrowed eyes are not to be taken seriously. he canāt get a read on eddie for some reason. ā did you just call me ādudeā ? ā this revelation prompts a laugh from julian in mild disbelief. what in the hell is going on here?
eyes slowly roving over eddie from head to toe, the musician doesnāt make a set decision to walk away just yet. ā and here i thought you wanted me to fuck you. ā the statement itself is brazen, not unlike his body language that threatens to lure in every person within a fifty mile radius. julian directs it to eddie, ignoring the disapproving looks from strangers whoād heard his assumption voiced aloud. he tilts his head curiously. ā iām getting some mixed signals here... dude. ā
a piercing studio that smells like disinfectant.
@okoden
robin is sitting in a leather chair positioned under some framed prints. the models in the pictures are all showcasing piercings, assuming it's the work of the owner of the studio they're in right now. she leans over to julian with her nose wrinkled, "i feel like we're in hannibal lector's basement. are you sure he's just gonna pierce you?"
eyes look around more, metal shelves and other pieces of furniture to further highlight the "clean" or "chrome" aesthetic of the place makes her shiver again. robin knows the reason for going to a private studio is to avoid going to a more regular, walk-in place where he could easily be spotted and ruin their time to hangout together.
ā right. scare the shit out of me minutes before i'm gonna have a needle shoved through my tongue. 'cause that's so the move, ā julian teases. he's not scared in the least bit about this appointment, comfortable enough with the thought of temporary pain for a permanent accessory. it'll be his fourth piercing so farā daith, lobe, and helix on his left ear already adorned with glinting silver jewelry. julian had done one small y2k themed photo shoot this week and left the set with big ideas.
leafing through a magazine, he looks up at robin's nervous posture. ā you know what would look nice on you? a belly button piercing. ā
Ė ā§ įÆ ā¦ļø ā . āāāĀ Ā Ā āāāā ilya holds up his hand as if to say stop talking in / @okoden's direction .Ā
ā do not fucking say cupcakes . ā ilya pulls a face , halfway disgusted at the thought of his friend being perceived by anyone as sexual . he knows julian is sort of a sex symbol , defying gendered expectations in his clothing and looks . people told ilya he was a sex symbol , the russian menace . he was in his own unique field , mostly appreciated by women for his looks and by men for his prowess . it was an entirely different culture , they didnāt pay ilya to look good , but it sure did help . ilya got his own handful of sponsors and commercials . nowhere near the amount as shane hollander , evident in the ads he saw everywhere that haunted his every waking moment . it was a constant reminder that the man he could not have was wanted by everyone . probably dads too , like julian . āāāā ā and what thee fuck is a healing breath ? ā
a shrug settles on ilyaās shoulders . he had never considered his teammates as ā hot bitches ā before . they were men he got sweaty and gross with , and not in a hot way . they were coworkers . yet ilya could still see why others would find them attractive too . sure , it wasnāt his taste , the big burly men soaring upwards of six feet - eight inches with biceps the size of christmas hams . it made sense that others would like that , especially julian . he apparently had a thing for dad bods that ilya was now curling his lip at uncomfortably . āāāā ā i will see what i can do . for you . you can not actually think all of my teammates are hot though , right ? ā
hazel eyes widen at the thought of someone ilya knew hooking up with jules . this was back before ilya even knew jules , and yet their paths could have potentially crossed in this strange way . it makes him stomach swirl , of course other hockey players were gay , it was inevitable . and yet an unfiltered sense of hope curls through him . if other people could sleep with who they wanted , even famous ones , why couldnāt ilya ? ever the gossip , ilya leans forward slightly , shoving more food in his mouth .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāāāĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā you used to sleep with hockey player ? who ? what team does he play for ? ok , obviously he likes men but i mean , which hockey team ?Ā ā
the demonstration of what a healing breath is sounds more like a struggle, but julian doesn't put forth any more effort, distracted now. ā from what i've seen, yeah. i dunno, you should pull up a team photo and refresh my memory. ā julian flashes ilya another grin, cheeky as can be. it's a complicated subject, when he really thinks about it. because for as long as he can remember, he's relied on the attention of men who look like ilya's teammates for a quick hit of validation. even when in the depths of a therapy session or two where he tries to peel back that layer and examine it in all its messy, nuanced origins, julian can't bring himself to face the reason he needs that validation to begin with. he is beautiful and interesting and intelligent, despite the front he puts up to guard his heart. needing attention from anyone, especially those who carry themselves in a traditionally masculine way, feels like an affliction more than anything.
ilya's sudden interest amuses julian. this feels like a night out with the girls from riotess, where he regales them with stories from his many hookups and they all listen on in abject horror, the band comprised of mostly lesbians. ilya has the same face right now that babs does whenever julian asks the band to guess who he slept with last. ā i don't remember, it's been a while. definitely a new york team though, ā he spills with a shrug, valley girl accent strongest on the definitely.
he doesn't drop a name just yet, julian having entirely too much fun watching the expression on ilya's face change by the second. sometimes, the attention from friends was enough to refill that need to be the center of the universe as much as the attention from men he intended to sleep with did. ā now that i think about it, i don't think he was out the whole time we were fucking around. we'd meet up in hotels. and he came to a show once, but all the flowers he used to send me never had his name. i only knew it was him 'cause he'd call and ask if i got 'em. ā
@okoden said : ā they won't hesitate, you will be slaughtered.Ā ā
āĀ nothingĀ newĀ there,Ā man.Ā someoneĀ isĀ alwaysĀ tryingĀ toĀ slaughterĀ us.Ā theyĀ shouldĀ getĀ aĀ newĀ hobby,Ā i'veĀ heardĀ greatĀ thingsĀ aboutĀ padel.Ā āĀ richardĀ triesĀ toĀ keepĀ himselfĀ cynical,Ā evenĀ whenĀ hisĀ franticĀ heartĀ isĀ borderingĀ onĀ hopeful.Ā todayĀ isĀ aĀ goodĀ dayĀ Ā Ā Ā ;Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ kindĀ ofĀ dayĀ whereĀ breathingĀ doesn'tĀ feelĀ likeĀ inhalingĀ fireĀ throughĀ scarredĀ lungs.Ā tomorrowĀ willĀ suckĀ again.Ā itĀ alwaysĀ doesĀ !Ā rightĀ now,Ā thoughĀ [Ā .Ā .Ā .Ā ]Ā rightĀ nowĀ heĀ getsĀ toĀ forget.Ā heĀ getsĀ toĀ experienceĀ theĀ simpleĀ joysĀ ofĀ casuallyĀ brushingĀ againstĀ hisĀ ownĀ neck,Ā withoutĀ immediateĀ regretĀ andĀ whimperingĀ aĀ momentĀ later.
today,Ā heĀ getsĀ toĀ pretendĀ thatĀ beingĀ ableĀ toĀ sitĀ atĀ theĀ bottomĀ ofĀ theĀ lakeĀ isĀ aĀ worthyĀ tradeoffĀ forĀ allĀ theĀ daysĀ duringĀ whichĀ heĀ canĀ onlyĀ floatĀ upsideĀ down.
āĀ youĀ wouldĀ saveĀ me,Ā rightĀ ?Ā prettyĀ pleaseĀ ?Ā i'llĀ goĀ andĀ getĀ youĀ aĀ sparklyĀ rockĀ orĀ aĀ fishĀ fossilĀ fromĀ theĀ bottomĀ ofĀ theĀ lakeĀ ifĀ youĀ do.Ā ā
there are few people julian can relate to on a deeper level. to be experimented on, poked and prodded with needles, made into a guinea pig ... it is an experience that changes one's outlook on humanity as a whole. they'd both entrusted doctors to heal them, and emerged on the other side as someone else entirely. something else entirely. desperation can drive the most rational person to agree on anything that will save them, but it's those who take advantage of that desperation who are the real devils.
ā just wish they'd come up with something original next time, ya know? like, at least put me in a saw trap so i get some cardio out of it. ā julian smiles at the mention of water. as someone who'd been primarily raised in a beach town, he misses the sea. the lake is no ocean, but it will have to do for now. ā find me an ammonite fossil and no one'll even have the chance to snatch you up. thumbs, meet eye sockets. ā he holds both hands up and wiggles his fingers.

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šeĀ wondersĀ in that moment whatĀ GodĀ wouldĀ haveĀ toĀ sayĀ about this rendezvous ... Ā oneĀ ofĀ hisĀ preciousĀ guardianĀ angelsĀ takingĀ aĀ midnight strollĀ through outer Paris withĀ anĀ absoluteĀ devilĀ Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā a devilĀ endowedĀ withĀ aĀ darkĀ giftĀ thatĀ defiedĀ every ᓺᓬįµįµį“æį“¬į“øĀ law,Ā allĀ thatĀ wasĀ good and moral.Ā TheĀ thoughtĀ amusedĀ himĀ moreĀ thanĀ anythingĀ elseĀ Ā Ā ā¦Ā Ā Ā maybeĀ now,Ā GodĀ couldĀ beginĀ toĀ understandĀ evenĀ justĀ aĀ fractionĀ ofĀ theĀ betrayalĀ andĀ įµį“¼į“æį“¹į“±į“ŗįµĀ heĀ experiencedĀ inĀ theĀ timeĀ heādĀ beenĀ plaguedĀ withĀ siftingĀ throughĀ EarthāsĀ savageĀ garden.
TheĀ lightĀ ofĀ theĀ moonĀ streaksĀ delicatelyĀ throughĀ theĀ trees,Ā highlightingĀ theĀ curlsĀ ofĀ smokeĀ thatĀ fallĀ betweenĀ bothĀ theirĀ lips.Ā TheĀ clouded  ᓾᓸįµį“¹į“±Ā thickensĀ asĀ LestatĀ huffsĀ outĀ somethingĀ akinĀ toĀ softĀ laughter.Ā ThoughĀ heĀ mightĀ haveĀ beenĀ theĀ apexĀ predatorĀ ofĀ everyĀ roomĀ heĀ walkedĀ into,Ā heĀ wasĀ mostĀ certainlyĀ notĀ theĀ onlyĀ evilĀ beastĀ thatĀ prowledĀ throughĀ shadowsĀ inĀ the dead ofĀ night.Ā Ā
āWell,Ā IĀ donātĀ liveĀ hereĀ anymore,āĀ LestatĀ teasesĀ lightlyĀ asĀ theĀ green, lushĀ lungsĀ that encapsulated theĀ edgesĀ ofĀ ParisĀ engulfedĀ them entirely. āButĀ itĀ wasnātĀ farĀ fromĀ hereĀ thatĀ IĀ hadĀ buriedĀ myselfĀ inĀ theĀ dirtĀ forĀ nearlyĀ aĀ century.ā
He wondered if one could qualify that as living ... hiding from the world, because he simply couldn't bear the complete and utter despair that had nearly ripped his unbeating heart from his chest. It was about half a step away from being well and truly dead.
considering that every moment of existence for julian is a punishment, he doesn't put too much stock into what anyone above his ranking thinks about his extracurricular activities. he has nothing to lose as of late. embarrassingly enough, in the past year he has been in the depths of a despair so profound that he's begged the archangels to tear him apart. no, living ( if that was even what one could call this ) is the more severe sentence. to cease to exist would be too merciful an option.
so he spends his free time roaming, finding trouble to get into. if he cannot find peace then he will make his own. most of the time this means mirroring his first life, filling it with vices and things to indulge in. when illicit substances and trysts are not enough, he sleeps, though his body never feels any real need to recharge.
the truth is that immortality would suit julian if he desired it, but he's never wanted to shed anything more. sometimes he imagines himself peeling away the layers of his skin and feathers until he is nothing, as if he could peel away his divinity with it, though he knows by now both would simply regenerate with time.
ā in the dirt? i hope that's a euphemism for something else. ā an image of lestat six feet under the ground is deposited into his thoughts at these words, julian's brow furrowing. worms and other creepy crawlies make this unappealing, though he supposes the quiet would be another hell entirely. to be alone underground with one's thoughts for that long is not something julian wants to experience. ā because if it isn't, i'm going to need a moment of silence to mourn all of the outfits you could've been showing off instead. ā
āĀ you'reĀ suchĀ aĀ cleverĀ boy.Ā see,Ā thisĀ isĀ whyĀ iĀ don'tĀ putĀ everyĀ drinkĀ onĀ yourĀ tab.Ā āĀ ifĀ itĀ isĀ aĀ kindĀ shoulderĀ toĀ cryĀ onĀ thatĀ heĀ seeks,Ā sheĀ isĀ theĀ wrongĀ womanĀ forĀ theĀ job.Ā herĀ shouldersĀ areĀ hostileĀ architecture,Ā urbanĀ designĀ madeĀ toĀ keepĀ peopleĀ away.Ā adelé isĀ allĀ tallĀ taleĀ andĀ customerĀ serviceĀ inĀ theĀ shapeĀ ofĀ aĀ headbuttĀ toĀ theĀ face,Ā butĀ withĀ cheapĀ drinksĀ toĀ goĀ alongĀ withĀ it.Ā evenĀ now,Ā yearsĀ afterĀ sheĀ grewĀ intoĀ herĀ teeth,Ā sheĀ isĀ stillĀ boundĀ toĀ theĀ artĀ ofĀ callingĀ herselfĀ āĀ ladyĀ āĀ andĀ omittingĀ theĀ trulyĀ gruesomeĀ detailsĀ toĀ makeĀ herselfĀ somewhatĀ appealingĀ toĀ theĀ regularĀ customer.
notĀ thatĀ heĀ isĀ regularĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā āÆāÆāÆĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā julianĀ understandsĀ theĀ gameĀ betterĀ thanĀ most,Ā andĀ thatĀ makesĀ himĀ particularlyĀ special.
āĀ whatĀ kindĀ ofĀ pestĀ areĀ youĀ willingĀ toĀ dealĀ withĀ ?Ā āĀ sheĀ leansĀ closer,Ā elbowĀ pressedĀ againstĀ theĀ stickyĀ messĀ ofĀ herĀ bar,Ā handĀ proppingĀ upĀ herĀ cheek.Ā aĀ mockĀ imitationĀ ofĀ boredom,Ā evenĀ whenĀ sheĀ isĀ incrediblyĀ interestedĀ inĀ hisĀ offer.Ā āĀ becauseĀ iĀ haveĀ heardĀ wordĀ ofĀ aĀ rat,Ā butĀ itĀ mightĀ beĀ aĀ bigĀ gameĀ forĀ someoneĀ comingĀ back.Ā mightĀ wantĀ toĀ startĀ withĀ fliesĀ first.Ā ā
ā flies, huh? you think that little of my skills? ā he asks, head tilting curiously. he can't find it within himself to be offended over thisāadelĆ© has never seen him in action, and therefore has no baseline to pass any real judgement on said skills. and besides ... he likes coming here in his downtime. to start down any path that would lead to burning this bridge seems like a rather stupid thing to do, even for him.
ā no bullshit, i'm willing to deal with anything you want me to deal with. consider it payment for all of those drinks you don't put on my tab, ā he says in a more serious tone. julian is a solitary creature for the most part, but that doesn't mean he can't appreciate a mutually beneficial alliance once in a while, even if it's in exchange for something as small as a place to visit when he's too lost in his own head. ā but if you want me to start small, i can bring you some little trophies first. ā like a cat bringing someone a bird to their doorstep.
We have to duet on this track. For the single. Can you manage that?
VELVET AND VINYL, ACCEPTING ( ... ) FEATURING LESTAT DE LIONCOURT & JULIAN DEVEREAUX.
šestatĀ didnātĀ alwaysĀ playĀ wellĀ withĀ others.Ā QuiteĀ notoriouslyĀ so,Ā asĀ ifĀ itĀ wereĀ aĀ compulsion,Ā heĀ seemedĀ toĀ revoltĀ againstĀ everyĀ command,Ā rule,Ā orĀ mereĀ suggestionĀ heādĀ everĀ beenĀ given.Ā AĀ true rebelĀ atĀ heart,Ā heādĀ heardĀ ā¦Ā though,Ā typically,Ā thisĀ resultedĀ inĀ himĀ beingĀ aĀ painĀ inĀ theĀ assĀ toĀ workĀ with.Ā HisĀ ownĀ bandmatesĀ thoughtĀ itĀ aĀ complete miracleĀ thatĀ heādĀ evenĀ botheredĀ toĀ showĀ upĀ toĀ thisĀ sessionĀ āĀ theirĀ frustrationĀ evident,Ā thoughĀ theyĀ dareĀ notĀ voiceĀ itĀ outĀ ofĀ fearĀ ofĀ whateverĀ rageĀ simmeredĀ andĀ lurkedĀ beneathĀ theĀ surfaceĀ ofĀ theĀ vampireāsĀ skin.Ā Ā
WhenĀ heĀ hadĀ soĀ sloppilyĀ waltzedĀ intoĀ theĀ room,Ā deckedĀ outĀ inĀ theĀ finestĀ silksĀ andĀ leatherĀ that moneyĀ couldĀ buy,Ā lipsĀ soakedĀ inĀ theĀ aftermathĀ ofĀ aĀ feedingĀ frenzy,Ā LestatĀ appearedĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ manĀ onĀ theĀ edge.Ā DrunkenĀ fromĀ theĀ blood,Ā disorderly,Ā mereĀ momentsĀ awayĀ fromĀ aĀ crashĀ outĀ andĀ heldĀ togetherĀ byĀ onlyĀ theĀ mostĀ threadbareĀ ofĀ seams.Ā ThickĀ framedĀ sunglassesĀ satĀ perchedĀ onĀ theĀ bridgeĀ ofĀ hisĀ nose,Ā obscuringĀ halfĀ ofĀ hisĀ vibrantĀ blueĀ eyes.Ā EverythingĀ inĀ hisĀ demeanorĀ screamedĀ chaoticĀ boredomĀ āĀ likeĀ aĀ madmanĀ fixingĀ forĀ someĀ kindĀ ofĀ stimulus,Ā somethingĀ toĀ soakĀ upĀ theĀ dullnessĀ ofĀ eternity.Ā Ā
āĀ Oh,Ā canĀ IĀ manageĀ that?Ā CanĀ IĀ manageĀ that?Ā āĀ TheĀ wordsĀ carryĀ theirĀ ownĀ levelĀ ofĀ biteĀ behindĀ them,Ā makingĀ aĀ vibrant mockeryĀ ofĀ theĀ questionĀ atĀ hand.Ā āĀ WhyĀ donātĀ youĀ askĀ theĀ multipleĀ platinumĀ recordsĀ withĀ myĀ nameĀ onĀ themĀ ifĀ IĀ canĀ manageĀ that? Or maybe! We just get this over with before the end of this century, please.Ā āĀ Ā
from the moment lestat enters the studio, julian knows he's met his match. had this happened in any other setting like a night out on the town or holed up in some dingy bathroom at a house party, julian would have found the challenge enticing. perhaps even charming. however, as it so happens, music is the singular thing he cares enough about to protect the integrity of. sober for once, he sits with his boots kicked up onto a table, arms crossed and gaze critical.
he does not share the same fear of the man in front of him as the others in the room do. ignorance of the truth has a lot to do with this, though with how many brushes with death julian has had within the past few years thanks to his struggle with addiction, it is difficult to say whether or not he would truly be afraid if he was privy to the same information.
ā are you done? ā he asks in a flat tone, and he doesn't feel the need to point out his own impressive catalog of music and all the accolades that have come with it. julian's body of work speaks for itself ... even if many still want to come out of the woodwork and cry nepotism whenever it does well. ā what're you in a hurry for, anyway? you knew this session was booked weeks ago, ā he points out as he sits up properly in his chair, platform boots thudding gently against the floor. ā did you make an emergency appointment to bleach your asshole, or something? ā
"i do, i just assumed you would have important things like that here in your place." theo teased, standing to scratch at his head before beginning to walk back out. "just gimme one sec-" he returns momentarily after going back out to rummage around the messy trunk of his car, slowing his extreme speed just before he comes back into view with a toolkit carried at his side.
theo continues as he situates himself under the sink with rolled sleeves, "the parties weren't all bad over at my school, a lot of the hipster crowd knew how to throw fun ones-" he interrupts himself with a sigh as he notices that this doesn't need any serious fixing at all. theo's head pops out to almost shake his head at the other. "julian, all you needed to do was tighten the slip joints."
ā how is a wrench more important than my giant costco box of liquid i.v.? riddle me that! ā julian calls out dramatically as he watches theo disappear to retrieve his tools. when theo returns, julian is draped over the counter like a sickly victorian child, dark curls spilling over onto a discarded pizza box from the night prior. he should really clean the kitchen when he gets back from work later.
as much as julian doesn't find anything interesting about higher education, he listens intently when theo mentions his own experience in connection to the social aspect. he likes to think he's a better host than any frat boy could ever hope to be. perhaps that should be his new mission this summer: throwing the best party his apartment building has ever seen. he makes a mental note of it. ā no idea what a slip joint is, but i owe you one. ā
julian sits up and looks at theo, gears in his head turning. ā hey, you should come to work with me tonight. i'm going in to do inventory after closing and we're gonna have a metric fuck ton of bins with clearance records to toss out if they haven't sold in a while. that's how i ended up with half my collection. ā
mikasaĀ isĀ quietĀ withĀ herĀ observationsĀ asĀ always.Ā whenĀ julianĀ startsĀ toĀ getĀ sentimental,Ā sheĀ noticesĀ inĀ theĀ softeningĀ ofĀ hisĀ wordsāĀ theĀ offerĀ toĀ haveĀ herĀ tagĀ alongĀ onĀ tourĀ inĀ theĀ firstĀ placeĀ isĀ allĀ sheĀ needsĀ toĀ understandĀ howĀ muchĀ thisĀ meansĀ toĀ julian.Ā sheĀ isĀ seldomĀ oneĀ toĀ getĀ mushyĀ herself,Ā butĀ sheĀ reciprocatesĀ inĀ herĀ ownĀ way byĀ tryingĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ senseĀ ofĀ stabilityĀ inĀ hisĀ fastĀ pacedĀ lifeĀ thatĀ heĀ canĀ relyĀ on.
julianĀ offersĀ someĀ casualĀ peptalkĀ thatĀ makesĀ mikasaĀ huffĀ quietlyĀ andĀ shakeĀ herĀ headĀ atĀ theĀ absurdityĀ ofĀ havingĀ evenĀ halfĀ ofĀ theĀ confidenceĀ julianĀ does.Ā sheĀ doesn'tĀ sayĀ itĀ outright,Ā butĀ sheĀ admiresĀ himĀ forĀ it.
āĀ butĀ myĀ shittyĀ littleĀ apartmentĀ isĀ soĀ peaceful,Ā āĀ sheĀ countersĀ asĀ theyĀ walkĀ into the night,Ā payingĀ noĀ mindĀ toĀ anyĀ lingering hotelĀ guestsĀ whoĀ mightĀ overhear,Ā āĀ there'sĀ soĀ manyĀ stupidĀ peopleĀ everywhereĀ andĀ iĀ canĀ onlyĀ endureĀ soĀ muchĀ beforeĀ iĀ startĀ takingĀ physicalĀ damage.Ā ā
ā and it'll still be peaceful whenever you go back. it's not going anywhere. you can stay in and hide when you're old and your knees are creaky. ā if there's anything julian's mother has taught him over the years, it's to not waste his youth ... and though she disapproves of a few methods he chooses to execute this sentiment, julian cannot deny that she's right. one day, he may be unable to travel and party and explore. a long and healthy life is never guaranteed to anyone.
as they walk along the sidewalk in the direction of the gas station, julian looks over at mikasa and smiles softly. for all of the grief he gives her about being more social, he really does love her for the person she is. what a rare and beautiful thing to find true friendship in a world that is not always the most kind to its inhabitants.
ā you know what we should do next week on our day off? ā julian says with a grin as they wait at the corner for the intersection lights to let them cross the street, ā we should find one of those paintball places and tell the whole crew. teams of a dozen. either that or one of those rage rooms and just break a bunch of shit. ā

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sooner or later, you're gonna hate it.Ā ( FROM KAZIMĆR )
ā and if i said i already hate it? ā julian's gaze is critical, expression default at this point. immortality has never been an appealing concept, not even at the peak of his once-held career. dying when his catalog of music had no serious lows had seemed like a good way to go, but julian hadn't even been in the ground long enough for any whispers of a biopic before being brought back.
he'll never taste death again. the archangels have made certain of this. ā you're a little late. i've hated it since day one. begged for them to destroy me, but they wouldn't. still won't. ā
@šššÆšš«ššš®š±: cwoissant š„
eddieĀ wishesĀ heĀ didn'tĀ stutterĀ whenĀ heĀ saidĀ yeah,Ā i'mĀ totallyĀ fine.Ā he'sĀ a little outĀ ofĀ breathĀ fromĀ beingĀ hauledĀ onĀ stage,Ā thoughĀ ifĀ eddieĀ wereĀ toĀ beĀ honestĀ itĀ mightĀ alsoĀ beĀ becauseĀ theĀ manĀ inĀ frontĀ ofĀ himĀ isĀ soĀ damnĀ attractive.
heĀ hadĀ comeĀ toĀ theĀ showĀ expectingĀ goodĀ liveĀ music,Ā maybeĀ smokeĀ aĀ jointĀ outĀ backĀ andĀ relaxĀ forĀ oneĀ night.Ā theĀ showĀ hadĀ beenĀ reallyĀ good,Ā eddieĀ notĀ wantingĀ theĀ nightĀ toĀ endĀ justĀ yet.Ā it'sĀ theĀ sameĀ kindĀ ofĀ feelingĀ heĀ getsĀ chasingĀ tornado's,Ā heartĀ beatingĀ faster.
"canĀ iĀ buyĀ youĀ aĀ drink?"
ā ... you wanna buy me a drink? ā julian breathes out an incredulous laugh, having fully expected the stranger to request direction to the nearest medical tent after having his lungs crushed to high heaven by the crowd. he looks okay to julian now as he gives him a proper once-over though, if a little disheveledā ā okay. ā
abandoning his water bottle by depositing it on his drummer's head, julian follows the stranger down the stairs into the chaotic fairgrounds. he can practically feel the eyes burning into the back of his head from his band mates and crew, the frontman's post-show disappearances frequent. ā you got a name, or do i have to guess? you're getting me a churro after that drink, by the way. maybe even a funnel cake and corndog. i'm not a cheap date. ā
angels fall with broken wings.Ā ( FROM ALUKAH )
the words garner a physical reaction from the angel, eyes flashing white in anger before resuming their dark amber hue. though his wings are currently cloaked from anyone's prying gaze, they twitch and give julian cause to shiver.
he remembers what it was like, falling to earth after the war heaven had endured, how exposed and frail he'd felt during the block of time where his wings had needed to heal. being unable to flee any unsavory situation had put him on edge for months, feathers growing back at a painstakingly slow rate.
scowling, julian turns to face alukah again. ā well unfortunately for everyone who hates me, they didn't stay broken. ā
i trust my information 'cause i know my source is good. ( from dc jules )
THE CRUX, ACCEPTING ( ... ) FEATURING BUCKY BARNES AND JULIAN DEVEREAUX.
šš¢ššš§šš¢š”, Ā Ā Ā UNDERGROUNDĀ FACILITY.Ā Ā Ā EveryĀ momentĀ ofĀ restĀ thatĀ heĀ couldĀ manageĀ toĀ scrapeĀ togetherĀ wasĀ alwaysĀ inevitablyĀ shatteredĀ byĀ aĀ knockĀ onĀ theĀ door,Ā aĀ ringĀ ofĀ theĀ phone.Ā Somebody,Ā somewhere,Ā needingĀ somethingĀ fromĀ him.Ā PleadingĀ theirĀ cases,Ā spinningĀ wordsĀ togetherĀ heĀ couldnātĀ findĀ itĀ inĀ himselfĀ toĀ sweepĀ underĀ theĀ rug.Ā (Ā šš·šøšĀ šøšĀ šš·š°šĀ šš¾šāšš“Ā š±ššøš»šĀ šµš¾š,Ā šš¾š»š³šøš“š.Ā )
ThisĀ timeĀ wasĀ hardlyĀ anyĀ different.Ā SameĀ shit,Ā differentĀ day    ⦠   theĀ forcesĀ ofĀ evilĀ conspiringĀ withĀ theirĀ vapidĀ ideasĀ ofĀ worldĀ domination,Ā forever perpetuatingĀ humanĀ suffering.Ā TheĀ experiments.Ā ItĀ wasĀ alwaysĀ experiments.Ā Animals,Ā humans,Ā men,Ā women,Ā children,Ā didnātĀ seemĀ toĀ matter.Ā TheseĀ twoĀ wereĀ halfĀ livingĀ proofĀ ofĀ suchĀ aĀ thing,Ā havingĀ beenĀ suckedĀ intoĀ theĀ vortexĀ ofĀ batteryĀ timeĀ andĀ timeĀ again.Ā Ā
ā Ā Well,Ā IĀ wouldĀ damnĀ wellĀ hopeĀ so. Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Otherwise,Ā thisĀ littleĀ tripĀ wouldĀ haveĀ beenĀ forĀ nothing.Ā TheĀ tallĀ wallsĀ andĀ vaultedĀ ceilingsĀ swallowedĀ themĀ whole,Ā drippingĀ inĀ aĀ greyĀ sterility.Ā PristineĀ laboratoryĀ equipmentĀ layeredĀ likeĀ perfectĀ dominosĀ acrossĀ theĀ sprawlingĀ floors,Ā toweringĀ doorsĀ intoĀ otherĀ sectorsĀ liningĀ the edgesĀ ofĀ theĀ room.Ā AsideĀ fromĀ theĀ twoĀ ofĀ them,Ā theĀ placeĀ wasĀ empty.Ā Abandoned,Ā quiet,Ā andĀ still Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ wasĀ certainĀ ifĀ heĀ droppedĀ aĀ pin,Ā itĀ wouldĀ echo.Ā Ā Ā ā Ā PlaceĀ looksĀ empty,Ā butĀ clearlyĀ someoneĀ isĀ keepingĀ everythingĀ clean    ⦠   whatĀ elseĀ didĀ yourĀ sourceĀ tellĀ you? Ā ā
infiltratingĀ placesĀ suchĀ asĀ theseĀ neverĀ getsĀ anyĀ easier.Ā ifĀ anything,Ā itĀ kicksĀ up excessĀ traumaĀ likeĀ dustĀ andĀ blindsĀ julianĀ forĀ aĀ fewĀ daysĀ followingĀ eachĀ mission,Ā remindingĀ himĀ thatĀ atĀ theĀ endĀ ofĀ theĀ day,Ā heĀ cannotĀ changeĀ whatĀ wasĀ doneĀ toĀ him.Ā heĀ stillĀ hasĀ vividĀ nightmaresĀ moreĀ oftenĀ thanĀ heĀ wouldĀ likeĀ toĀ admit,Ā majorityĀ ofĀ themĀ revolvingĀ aroundĀ theĀ dayĀ heādĀ beenĀ stuckĀ fullĀ ofĀ needlesĀ andĀ injectedĀ withĀ aĀ foreignĀ substance.Ā theĀ veryĀ compositionĀ ofĀ hisĀ bodyĀ remainsĀ foreverĀ altered,Ā aĀ permanentĀ souvenirĀ ofĀ anĀ unauthorizedĀ experimentĀ goneĀ awry.Ā theĀ holeĀ inĀ julianāsĀ heartĀ hisĀ motherĀ entrustedĀ theĀ doctorsĀ toĀ fixĀ hadĀ beenĀ closed,Ā butĀ onlyĀ asĀ aĀ by-productĀ ofĀ theirĀ nefarious,Ā clandestineĀ intentions.
āĀ theyĀ saidĀ youĀ wereĀ aĀ grumpyĀ oldĀ man,Ā āĀ heĀ liesĀ forĀ hisĀ ownĀ entertainmentĀ asĀ heĀ adjustsĀ theĀ leatherĀ gloveĀ onĀ hisĀ rightĀ handĀ andĀ slidesĀ aĀ drawer open, disappointed at the absence of contents,Ā ā and i was allā great! that's my type! ā julian grins, entirely too cheshire-like for the serious task at hand. a coping mechanism, he'd rather make light of everything than dwell on the past. he is a force to be reckoned with now ... no one can capture and drag him back into a lab for further research. no one can rip away his autonomy again and force him to endure more unbearable pain.
ā this place suuucks. no silent alarm? no guards? i wore my good boots for nothing. ā said boots begin their trek into the next room as julian searches for anything that may lead them to a new location. irritation clouds his thoughts. he'd anticipated some sort of fight, one to tide him over until the next. it's been weeks since he's seen any action, and unlike most of his peers and acquaintances, julian not only adores conflict but invites it in with open arms.

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Ė ā§ įÆ ā¦ļø ā . āāāĀ Ā Ā āāāā ilya did not typically get nervous . / @okoden was right , he had no reason to be .Ā
brushing his earlobe with his forefinger and his thumb , soothing the red and nervous skin with his frozen hands , ilya forces himself to take a deep breath , eyes darting to his friend across the aisle . ilya had dragged julian there to get snacks and cigarettes , something to ease the edge in his gut . get yourself together , rozanov . julian wasnāt wrong , just not for the reason anyone thought . of course shane would say yes , the only one more obsessed with their boyfriend than ilya was shane . and they were literally dating each other . grabbing a bag of salt & vinegar chips and a can of coke , ilya pulls a face . Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāāāĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā i am not nervous that he will say no , shithead . he likes me very much ... i just want it to be perfect for him . shane has never had this sort of thing before and he deserves something niceĀ . heĀ Ā isĀ Ā importantĀ Ā toĀ Ā meĀ Ā , i want him to remember it forever .Ā ā
julian holds his own selections to his chest, ( a packet of peach rings and a cherry slush alani ) cigarette still in his other hand. the cashier gives him a fixed stare at first, spell broken by someone else entering the convenience store and setting off the chimes above the door. julian returns to his attempt at reassuring his friend. ā you can borrow the convertible that night if you think it'll help the vibe. just park it far away from everyone else so some dipshit doesn't scratch the paint. ā
he assumes his own boyfriend will be into something more like the concept of anti-prom as a way to stick it to the man, but the more julian thinks about it, the more he begins to warm up to the idea of dragging said boyfriend to prom anyway. they can take the van if necessary. setting his things on the counter to pay, julian plunks his driver's license down and requests a fresh pack of cigarettes, staring back at the cashier's irritable expression. ā jesus h. christ. take a fuckin' picture, it'll last longer. ā
thereĀ isĀ noĀ timeĀ toĀ answer,Ā julian'sĀ hungryĀ gazeĀ allĀ theĀ warningĀ heĀ getsĀ asĀ he'sĀ grabbed.Ā eddieĀ can'tĀ helpĀ butĀ meltĀ intoĀ him,Ā handsĀ reachingĀ upĀ toĀ softlyĀ cupĀ oneĀ cheek,Ā theĀ otherĀ helplesslyĀ graspingĀ hisĀ hipĀ asĀ heĀ followsĀ himĀ backwardsĀ willingly.
it'sĀ everythingĀ he'sĀ wantedĀ andĀ more,Ā julian'sĀ softĀ lipsĀ pressedĀ againstĀ his,Ā handsĀ graspingĀ clothes,Ā slippingĀ underĀ toĀ palmĀ atĀ warmĀ skin.Ā eddieĀ pullsĀ backĀ justĀ enoughĀ toĀ lookĀ atĀ himĀ again,Ā draggingĀ hisĀ lipsĀ acrossĀ theĀ otherĀ man'sĀ jawĀ just asĀ heĀ dipsĀ backĀ in.
"jules,"Ā heĀ whispers,Ā whimpersĀ really,Ā tuggingĀ hardĀ atĀ hisĀ apronĀ toĀ pullĀ itĀ off.
hastily removed, the apron drops to the floor and julian finds immense relief in having one less layer of fabric between them. the warmth that radiates from eddie is the factor that drives him to push for more, curiosity getting the best of the barista. for too long he has accepted cold, uncaring hands to do as they please, love having been absent from his relationship with everett for upwards of a year now. fear and fear alone has kept him with the vampire, julian afraid of what will happen to him and his mother should he attempt to escape.
the lips against his jaw are like satin, julian's eyes fluttering shut at the comfort of them. his own lips part with a quiet sigh, still moving blindly through the cafe's kitchen until his lower back makes contact with a counter. being crowded against anything at all has never been something julian has particularly enjoyed, but in the moment he doesn't care, the bliss unfolding before him at the forefront of his mind.
ā i don't want him to hurt you, ā julian whispers between ardent kisses, both hands resting against eddie's chest underneath his shirt. his words are sincere, tinged with melancholy and worry. for him, there is no doubt that everett will rip eddie limb from limb if he ever discovers what transpired here tonight.