...

ember: i started this group chat, harry, don't even think about it

ember: did you stick a wick in his asshole and try to light that like a candle?

rory: yeah, figured i could pop him off like an m80 it didnt work too well

rory: stellar wax though

kody: wheres the leave group button

kody: all im envisioning is harrys asshole being wide and intelligent enough to blow out the candles on next years birthday cake

harry: i don't think there is one

harry: can we stop talking about my asshole

ember: okay let's fight sweetie(:

ember: was it scented at least? strawberry sunshine? unicorn shit? oranges and harry's sexuality?

rory: the scent of feminine tears. or maybe that was from harry.. might've been gingerbread

kody: unicef should print off this conversation and show it to those starving ethiopian kids

kody: because no ones gonna be hungry while reading this nasty shit

harry: ............... leave ember

ember: harry's not just gay, he is the embodiment of gay

ember: do you know how much waxing hurts, harry? rory does harry have asshole hair anymore?

rory: nah we were trying some kinky candle shit the other day and long story short: hair burns.

rory: quickly.

kody: you know actually i do know how much waxing hurts but that is a story for another day

kody: candle wax in the asshole what a way to go

harry: i'm right here you know wtf fight me

ember: so how are the assholes doing

ember: are you remembering to get yourselves bleached every once in a while

rory: guys... shit wow this is tough. i don't know how to say this, i've literally been fucked up over this for days.. but... i think harry might be gay. :/

rory: i have naturally light asshole hair though so we're good other than that :)

kody: this is news to everyone how will mum ever cope with this

kody: also im a firm believer in asshole waxing

harry: one why do you guys insist on group chats

ember: :(

ember: also happy birthday bitch

harry: asshole

perrie: too laTEE

perrie: im done now, thank you

perrie: happy belATED BIRTHDAY I FEEL LIKE SUCH A SHITTY FRIEND FOR NOT SAYING ANYTHING SOONER

perrie: did you get my gift in the mail???

harry: for shame on you

harry: are you??? are you really???

harry: thank you!!! dont feel shitty ur pretty cool most of the time :-)

Axel: What the fuck? You sure they're letting /you/ fly the helicopters, or are you just flying /in/ them?

Axel: *hand emoji*

Axel: He'll probably handcuff you to some street walkers, so it's probably not a good idea.

Axel: Sry :/ RIP Hamlet.

Axel: Btw, happy birthday, punk. Get your arse home soon.

Harry: Oh, no. I wish but I just help the injured people who are going to be in the helicopters. Fun fact, though, I can get to Miami in like four hours by the jets they use from Seattle. That's crazy shit.

Harry: Yeah, no, I'll just send him a card or something. Your present will be in there, too.

Harry: Be nice to Hamlet. :/

Or whatever, he says. Thanks, mate. Happy belated. Your present should be arriving soon. 

Axel: Ah fun. How's that going?

Axel: You wish, m8.

Axel: I dunno if we're gonna come. Tanner's being a prick about her coming so I think I might just allow and stay here. T's going to Miami though if you wanna go and see him.

Axel: Have you done all the funeral prep? :-)

Harry: A bit. It's alright, just school. But I'll get to fly in helicopters.

Harry: Don't even start, pls.

Harry: Laaaaaame. I haven't talked to him in awhile. Might Skype him or something. Don't wanna be a third wheel in his miami vacation.

ember: :(