The Caribbean Queen

*wipes phone screen on breast*

my American gf: pound me me: what’s that in metric

a guy I knew from high school was chasing me with his erect penis. I was working at my desk when he slammed it down beside me, startling the fuck out of me. He then chased me everywhere I went. It was terrifying.

Reading the username is really REALLY important

I’ve been staring at this for 5 minutes

That’s what it looks like. That’s really what it looks like

Being out in the ocean is actually so scary because when you look really far out you can kind of see how the Earth is rounded out. It looks like a few miles ahead you’re just gonna fall off or something. Also fun trick: if ur on mobile, double tap zoom in and slide the picture side to side. It looks like you’re actually there looking left to right

DO THAT DO IT RIGHT NOW

kiss me baby

Date a boy who is never gonna give you up

and never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you