Dreams of You.

I try to tell myself that you're just trying to make it easier for me by driving away quickly, but on nights like tonight my brain desperately believes it's your polite way of telling me to fuck off.

I need you to want me, and tell me that you do, because all the little things add upto you don't.

And it's ok. Really, if you dont want to keep me. It would be so much easier for you, even if I arbitrarily declare that time together becomes date night because I need intimacy and attachment.

I just wish I could be enough.

Desperately would love to be the center of even one partner's attention right now, as a grounding force. Even if we just sat with one hand on each other doing different things or legs draped over each other. But preferably getting more and more tangibly aware of one another, slightest tension from electrified nerves. Some slight barely there sensations while naturally shifting weights.

Just. Definitely needing my touch love language attended to is getting under my skin again. I'm craving bigger and more intense sensation the longer I dont touch them. Just gliding hands over one another, gifting our kisses and pondering how lucky I am to have the magnificent, sweetest partner. They fulfill a need I didn't know I needed to really attack the world with my full focal view.

My anxiety has been screaming for days, and I've been pushing really damn hard. I've been driving myself insane with panicking over nothing. I can do this. Even if I'm just aiming for bigger and better. Anything is better where I am.

I thought I loved AB. I thought I loved Kage to an even more unimaginable amount.

They pale in comparison to the fire of my love for the three in my life.

-Daddy, as I doubt he will ever be given a free pass to this blog.

-Pineapple, since I know I've shown you some of the pieces left of what I love about them, and you already know many of these emotions.

-Sunshine, because I'm fearful of how much I love you, but you deserve to know.

These three have made the last year one of the best years of my life. I feel like theres a concrete image of my future, and it's not only bright but fucking beautiful. From kisses and handholding to slow building intensity to scantily clad to marks and longer kisses and concentrated intensity...

To blissed fragmentation and aura healing love for one another and pride for the strength I feel from all of them with tingly intensity.

I love them. They make my heart happy and my libido sing in a way I sure as heck cant sing.

Sex has been used against me my entire life. Everytime I turn the tables on sex of my own volition, it becomes mine again. These three have given exploration to which it becomes more pleasurable in freedom.

You'll growl at me and possibly swat me if i ever show you this, but I also think it works for now. If a different code name comes to light for you I'll change it. 😂

I'm craving you in a simple sense of neediness, to share your presence & feel your energy.

I'm craving you in the way a flower ever so slightly shifts for sun. You don't provide me chlorophyll, but the same happiness and contentedness comes when we have time for each other.

I'm craving the sensation of your hands on my skin, and your lips on mine with softness and passion. I enjoy it when you devour my lips and taste me with abandon.

I enjoy slowly learning more about you, meandering through conversation & connection. I enjoy the moments of furbabies interrupting conversation and moments shared. I appreciate the slow burning intensity we have.

I do fear you, in the sense that you will break my heart. I've had a lot of heartbreak over the last year, in losing people literally and in the sharper way where you're both living yet will never speak again.