OhSammiii

Not posted in foreverrrr, I promise not to neglect you again

✨When you’ve had the worse start to the year and your days started off terribly and someone comes along and turns it all upside down ✨

I’m backkk 🌈 missed being a (anti social) social panda 🐼 #suicidegirls #sghopeful

So 2018 hasn’t started off great for me... New Year’s Day I got locked out my house and had to break in as my boyfriend had gone away that day for a whole month... who now isn’t my boyfriend. Although we still love each other we don’t want the same things in life so there’s no point in dragging it out. I’ve been told if I want kids naturally I need to do it before I’m 30 so my clock is ticking as I’m 27 this year! Us splitting up has meant we need to give up our beautiful house which sucks so I’ve had to move back to my mums. Moving back to my mums is so weird though. I feel like I don’t live here because I don’t have any of my stuff around me but I don’t have a home either if that makes sense. I miss my old house and I miss my relationship. Feel like I’m grieving in a way as I literally thought he was my forever, my happy ever after. So fucked up. Life throws awful curve balls at you at times.

Today was my last proper chill day in my cute lil’ house with awesome bathroom lighting 😥 sad times, baby 🎀 @suicidegirls . . . . . #suicidegirls #sghopeful #sguk #altgirl #altmodel #alternative #baby #pixie #altpanties #chronicillness #chronicfatigue #chronicpain #ulcerativecolitis

Back for my infusion today and turns out I’m not doing as well as they thought so may be moving my infusions back to 6 weeks 🙃 fatigue is killing me to the point I don’t actually remember the last time I didn’t feel tired. The dark circles and bags under my eyes are gross and my limbs feel like they’re going to drop off. My gut feels like it’s constantly being twisted. This illness and all it’s side effects are a bitch and making my depression a serious battle right now that I literally see no light at the end of the tunnel and in all honesty I just want to see my dad again. I just want it all to be over but this illness is a part of me now so I need to deal with it. The nurse always says as soon as I sit down, “on a scale of 1-10 how do you feel today” and as usual I smile and say “a 7” because there’s always people battling worse than you 💜💩 . . . . #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #ulcerativecolitis #ibdwarrior (at St Mary's Hospital, Isle of Wight)