larrie af & not even a little sorry about it

So one of the things I find fascinating about lady-haters in the D fandom is that the vast majority of them seem to be l*rries who also seem to really love spending a lot of time and effort screaming about Eleanor, Camille, Olivia et al. about how they should act and what they should wear and how they should dance or not dance and how obnoxious they are and on and on and on AND ON, while ALSO screaming about how much they support closeted people, hashtag fuck Olivia, man, she's the real villain here! (Paraphrasing, but the #holivia tag on tumblr will give you a pretty nasty snapshot.) And the irony is that by dating Olivia or Eleanor, both these dudes get to write all these songs about a surface relationship that give a good hint about the one right below the surface through that female proxy--you know, because they aren't actually out and can't/won't. And if you're a l*rrie, I'd think you would WANT to see Eleanor around (whew, they didn't break up, even though they were "too young"!), ditto Olivia (whew, I'm ready for a lot of domestic shit about a long-term relationship!), but no, that's a transitive property dot that can't be connected because it means you gotta unclench and let a woman live. To wit: I was sent a post yesterday from one of the biggest lady-haters, saying something something about how Harry's going to have this super domestic album and THEY are taking l*arry's love and putting Olivia in Louis’s place! Outrageous! (Plus a string of tags foaming at the mouth about how awful Olivia is, don't worry, the replies/tags are even bigger yikes.) And it's like, well, YEAH. You should actually find that pretty awesome, in fact, it probably means your faves are still together--I mean, Fine Line has loads of major break-up vibes (in amongst self-discovery and acceptance), and Harry very publicly had a breakup with Louis's proxy on that one. Rob Sheffield's article promoting Fine Line basically promotes that break-up and ends on a real fucking OUCH moment where Harry and Anne are watching Fleetwood Mac singing Landslide, and he's mc-fuckin' losin' it, Anne's there comforting him, and if you're thinking that that moment is about Camille Rowe, uh, you ain't me, babe. (Clapback too for Rob being the one to write the iconic Louis is Lindsey, Harry is Stevie piece). Again, just my own onion, I tend to be okay holding more than one string in my hand (these two CAN break up and get back together, don't even get me started on babygate brainrot talk).

But I think my biggest issue with all of it is that for a lot of l*rries, you gotta be gold star or you're out (literally true in so many groupchats and discords): they've each only fucked one person, they've never broken up, never had a major fight, it's never been messy, never been open, listen, you bitch, they fought against the odds, and they won! And I don't doubt that they did, but this isn't AO3, so I also don't doubt that they might've fucked other people, broken up and gotten back together again, had some real messy stuff, most likely around being in an open relationship for a spell and dealing with unspeakable personal tragedy, in amongst regular human growth and discovery. That doesn't make them bad people, it doesn't mean they aren't back together (and it doesn't even mean I'm right, I'm just a rando who has my own opinions about people I don't personally know, just like everyone else), but there's this fandom naivety about it, big-time fingers in ears la-la-la-la, where you're a bad person for even thinking it, so any cognitive dissonance just gets transferred to the woman involved, woman = bad (I'm simplifying, maybe it's bigger than that, but it's interesting to see how some blogs can't fucking shut about it, whereas others go about their biz--blogs in larr nation, I mean). And that's totally baby behavior, well, toddler behavior. I think a lot of babies can actually go with the flow, it's toddlers who melt down if someone moves their blankie.

Anyway, I'm wandering away from my point, which is that bearding isn't a fucking crime, especially if you claim to support your fave (or for that matter, anyone in the closet--it's what it's, as Louis's chest so wisely tells us). Your guy doesn't want to be or can't be out right now, and that's fine! Makes sense! Makes a lot of fucking sense, actually, these fans are invasive, bro! I just wish that if people were so worried about the state of the larry union, they'd maybe chill out a bit about the women involved. Maybe stop being an asshole. Maybe stop giving women asinine names because you think it's cute. Maybe stop complaining that someone's a narse because they're always "flaunting" [checks notes] that they're dating the person everyone says they're dating, or thirsting or chasing clout or whatever it is that Olivia does that is so god-awful to you on a personal level that you spend your day focused on it. (My fave: people who say she's forcing her latest ig story on them, when they're the ones following her, pausin' that little story, takin' that little screenshot, adding arrows and circles and text that manages to trash her for botox [but not Harry], trash her for dancing as if she isn't aware that everyone's watching [but not Harry], then reblogging all that garbage nonstop--it ain't rocket science, bb, she's not the one putting it anyone's face, you're literally the one following her and doing all this work! Unfollow, and set yourself free!)