oh-kitten

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Happy New Year!

Hope everyone had a nice New Years. (◕‿◕)  I worked this morning and spent the rest of the day with my hubby.  Trying to keep it low key and I also don’t really celebrate the 1st because I’m Chinese and typically celebrate Chinese New Year.

I made myself a new hand written journal to log health, thoughts, emotions and daily things to keep myself on track this time around.  I’m so scatter brained that even I’m surprised about how I made it through the year. (＞﹏＜)  Gonna keep a log of things I eat, how they make me feel, overall daily progress, water intake, etc..  I’ll be turning 31 in less than two weeks and I’m not 25 any more.  Shit is falling apart now. (╥﹏╥)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a nice start to the year and make the best of it.  Last year was a shit show and I can’t believe how quickly it went by.

This year has been quite the low.

I lost two friends to suicide and a whole bunch of other personal things happened too.

Shit like this makes you question your existence and direction you thought your life was going in.

I'm grateful for my life and want so much more for myself.. I'm now realizing it's so much more than I can ever put my mind around yet I cannot grasp it. I want to be a better version of myself and give myself the benefit of the doubt. Seriously.

On days like this, I wish I wasn’t alive.

Just feels pointless existing.  But then again, I could just be around people who don’t care enough about me that make me feel this way on a daily basis. :(

Everything is just the same.  Going through the motions and nothing seems to change. People stay the same; fake and unfriendly. Life just passes by.. Feelings are pointless because it’s all so numbing. Lost in a crowd of a million of nothing.

Hi guys,

Life is moving along.  I’ve grown up so much in the last year and I can’t be any more proud of myself.  c: