Ogata Apologist

Grandmaster-class training, hard level lol

Maybe I’ll finish it, I don’t know. But I want! In color. But I’m so big lazy ass *crying*

some silly gk comics!

1. vasily tries to get himself into a threesome

Happy Second Halloween my lovelies!! That’s what we like to call Valentine’s Day around here in Tomoka Land. 

So, first off thank you so much @cali-cox​ for requesting this and thank you for your patience! I do want to take a quick second to just say, I suffer from severe depression myself, so I know what a difficult situation it is to be in and how hopeless it seems. That being said if any of you need someone to talk to please don’t feel like you’re alone, you can always reach out to me, DM me, comment, send me an ask, whatever you need. I will always try and be there for any of you when I can, but that being said since I’m not always in a good place myself I can’t promise I will always be mentally/emotionally available. You are all so dear to me though and the world is so much better with you in it, so please don’t forget that. If things get really bad please reach out to help available: 

 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line – Text Hello to 741741 you can also text CONNECT to 741741 for their depression help, it’s all text based so if you have a phobia of talking on the home like me, it’s literally a lifesaver. 

Trans Lifeline – 1-877-565-8860 for my trans lovelies

There are probably dozens of other ones, those are just the first few that come to mind. Anyway, I really hope those of you suffering from depression can find a little bit of comfort from this story. It’s a bit on the sappy and lovey-dovey side for me, but don’t worry, it’s chock full of smut too. Also I know I said I was thinking about writing one for Bi-Han too, but honestly I’m not ready to bare my soul on that yet. I know I won’t be able to keep my personal struggles out of that one, and yeah I’m just not sure I’m ready to a) dwell on them that in-depth at the moment and b) share them with all of you. So, hopefully you guys can forgive me for that.

Ok, long ass intro aside, I hope you guys enjoy, as usual filth is under the cut, if you guys enjoy this I’d really love to hear it! Thanks so much my lovelies, you guys keep me going.

Welcome to the wild, zany fandom side!! Awww bless! Thank you! There’s also some other super neat MK Kontent Kreators as well!! I got you, honey!! I’ll be able to cook something up for you!! I hope your head feels better soon!

      Her head was killing her after the long day she had had. She had done some meditating and yoga and taken a couple of Advil earlier in the evening. It had helped to some degree but there was still a dull ache.

      Kuai had come in to see her curled up on the couch in her pj’s. A fire roared in the fireplace to help keep the cold at bay as she filed her nails. Her nails were always kept somewhat on the short side and were always meticulously groomed in a simple fashion.

      He could tell her head was bothering her. He settles down beside her as they greet each other. They quietly talk about their respective days. When she’s done with her nails, she puts the file aside and lightly rests her head on his lap as they continue to talk. Kuai smiles softly and gently works a hand through her hair. He uses as slow, gentle touch as he massages her scalp.

There are only two characters from Golden Kamuy that I would call my faves, so to make up for the lack of a full top five I’ll do my best to describe why. 

1. Ogata Hyakunosuke - “The word love is as vague and uncertain as the gods…” 

Ogata gives the impression of a person who has never shown his true face to anybody even once in his life. Even the audience who is usually privvy to a characters inner most thougts has absolutely no idea what is going on in Ogata’s head. Ogata is distant in a word, even if he’s right next to you you feel like he’s far away peering at you through a sniper’s scope. It’s this distance from other people, and also his own feelings that’s enabled to survive this long but it’s also what makes Ogata so empty and numb in regards to his own life.

As this manga is also about Russian history as well I thought I’d share a quote of one of my favorite Russian Authors, Dostoevsky to summarize my thoughts on Ogata. 

“They—they won’t let me—I—I can’t be good!" 

Notes from the Underground

Ogata’s an outsider since birth. He’s never been accepted by any one person in his life for who he really was, and he shows it. Ogata hides himself, he strips himself to the barest utensils and defines himself by his utility. Ogata in a way never stopped being that kid who shot geese to try to get his mother to look his way. At the same time he also permanently left that kid behind. He’s never been shown connection, or empathy from other people, so Ogata doesn’t really believe it exists. 

Ignoring all the murder (spoken like a true villain stain), Ogata’s life is a series of repeated failures to connect with the family around him. His mother could never love him properly, and could only show him indrectly through her cooking. His brother failed to understand him as a person, and rejected him in a way even if he did want a relationship with Ogata. His father had no interest in him to begin with. You can see Ogata at the center watching all of these relationships break down, eventually come to the conclusion that he was the problem. That he’s an unwanted child, unable to receive love. Ogata’s kind of this thematic reckoning of his father’s indiscretion and inability to love his son. He destroys ever part of the family that’s unable to accept him. However, that’s just a role he plays, because when he’s not that role he’s just a kid standing alone in a field trying to shoot a duck out of the sky to be ignored by his mother again. 

Ogata has failed at every connection in his life, but you get the feeling that he desires those connections too. But Ogata’s been used and exploited by the people around him for too long. It might be because Ogata saw his mother’s love for his father, and saw how that love only hurt her in the end that he can’t ever be genuine with his feelings. It’s easier to be relied upon as a gun, then to be wanted as a person.

There’s a gentle kid somewhere in Ogata, but he can’t come out. The rigorous system that reduces people to guns on a battlefield just won’t let him. Ogata seems so heartless but I’d argue he’s actually more emotional, and a worse liar then he appears to be. He couldn’t even fully lie to one twelve year old girl who was hanging off of his every word at the time, and instead had a breakdown and tried to get her to punish him for killing his father. I think what Ogata wants ultimately is freedom, and the freedom to be himself broken child that he is but as long as he’s part of the gold hunt and stays in the military system he won’t ever be able to attain that which makes his search for the gold all the more self destructive. But as Ogata’s never been shown those things before and never been given a real chance, I want Ogata to have the chance to show the gentler sides of himself. 

2. Hajime Tsukishima - “The two of you were saved, weren’t you?”

Okay after spending so long rambling on why deep down I believe Ogata’s a good person, I’m just going to come out and say that Hajime is a bad one. Usually in narratives like Tsukishima’s when a character believes they’ve been manipulated and lied to all along it’s like they had no agency and weren’t responsible for their actions because they were manipulated. However, the realization that Tsurumi has been manipulating him all along doesn’t suddenly make Tsuhikishima flip and decide to be a good person. 

Hajime acts like a victim of long term manipulation, by which I mean he’s been beaten down and mostly has given up on himself by now. Tsukishima used to be a kid who just wanted to return home and marry the girl he loved. However, he’s so far from that person now he doesn’t think he can ever go back. And, there’s something very human about the way Hajime just gave up. He felt like he was never going to know the truth from Tsurumi so to save himself the pain he stopped caring. 

Hajime’s incredibly numb. It’s really interesting how Tsukishima’s more evil acts aren’t out of genuine cruelty, but rather indifference. He’s given up on trying to better himself, and instead wants to see things through all the way to the end. Tsukishima tends to get characterized as the least bad, or the responsible one of the Ninth Division when he’s actively as bad as the rest. Everything about him is an attempt to avoid responsibility, he tries to make it look like he’s not a fanatic of Tsurumi, that he’s not as violent as the other people around him, but in the end he’s just as complicit as the rest. 

What’s interesting in Hajime is how repressed he is. He knows what he’s doing is wrong, and he’s with the wrong people, but his voice is to suppress himself rather than try to better himself. He acts like a bystander to the atrocities the ninth divisoin casually commits.