COMEDY && TRAGEDY

bake a cake from scratch | ride a horse | drive stick | speak a second language | dance | catch a fish | play an instrument | throw a punch | build a deck | ice skate | unclog a drain | program a computer | change a flat tire | fire a gun | sew | juggle | play poker | paint | fly a kite | sculpt | write poetry | change a diaper | sing | shoot a bow and arrow | ride a bike | swim | sail a boat | do a back flip | play chess | give CPR | pitch a tent | flirt  | stitch a wound | read palms | use chopsticks | write in cursive | use an electric drill | braid hair | make a campfire | make a mixed drink | do sudoku puzzles | wrap a gift | give a good massage | jump-start a car | roll their tongue | do magic tricks | do yoga | tie a tie | skip a rock | shuffle a deck of cards | read Morse code | pick a lock

❝ then, mr. capo, eriboo is pleased to make your acquaintance ! or, just erika.❞ ( since that one’s her online handle ) and with that, the app is closed and her android, blocked once more before being thrown back inside her purse. ❝ aside from me being sweet though-- thank you, by the way !❞ she tries. ❝ i’m pretty sure people’ll like it ! some of my friends also play instruments or sing, so it was kind of passed down on me the ability to judge ‘good’ music-- or else i’d be clobbered ! ❞ no, really, it was beyond her how some people could be so serious about music, but considering she was the same with her theatrical pieces, there’s no place for her to judge anybody.

❛  but officer, they were fucking with my clique.  ❜ ❛  if you lose yourself, i will find you.  ❜ ❛  true friends don’t judge each other. they judge other people. together.  ❜ ❛  oh, you’re my friend? name three of my albums.  ❜ ❛  i’m sorry, but you must be at least a level four friend to unlock my tragic backstory.  ❜ ❛  fuck you but fuck me first.  ❜ ❛  you’re cute, what is your face html?  ❜ ❛  my life is one big ‘ wow, ok. ’  ❜ ❛  my life is just poorly made decisions with alternative music playing in the background.  ❜ ❛  i accidentally messed up my life, how do i start a new account?  ❜ ❛  my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore.  ❜ ❛  at myself, what the fuck are you doing.  ❜ ❛  if yahoo answers can’t solve your problem, then you’re in too deep.  ❜ ❛  this is the police. open up. tell me something about yourself, don’t be afraid.  ❜ ❛  how do you get a nice body without moving.  ❜ ❛  it’s so hard when you’re in a cuddly mood and don’t have anyone to cuddle with!! this is an outrage!!  ❜ ❛  ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened?  ❜ ❛  you ever just ugh really hard?  ❜ ❛  i’m a really affectionate person one you get past my five layers of shyness, awkwardness, fear, vague dislike and loneliness.  ❜ ❛  i was confident for like two minutes one time.  ❜ ❛  all i think about is sex and what i’m going to eat next.  ❜ ❛  i have my pencils and my tears ready.  ❜ ❛  i’m that kinda person who, between two choices, will always pick the wrong one.  ❜ ❛  i avoid everyone, including the people i like.  ❜ ❛  i always wonder why no one likes me and then i remember that i don’t even like me.  ❜ ❛  gosh golly! this beat is … whoo! this beat is … DANDY!  ❜ ❛  it’s hard being hilarious when everyone ignores you.  ❜ ❛  thinking about space fucks me up.  ❜ ❛  my biggest struggle in life is trying to make my eyeliner the same on both eyes.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could illegally download clothes.  ❜ ❛  heelys don’t have brakes because my swag don’t stop.  ❜ ❛  i know i make lots of jokes but i promise you, i’m a really sad person.  ❜ ❛  at least i can admit that i’m a piece of shit.  ❜ ❛  ‘ i’m not bitter ’ i say bitterly, with a bitter expression.  ❜ ❛  i’m fluent in talking shit.  ❜ ❛  it’s crazy how there are seven billion people on the planet and all of them are in love with me.  ❜ ❛  why am i better than everyone?  ❜ ❛  sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments.  ❜ ❛  I SWEAR, I AM NOT CUTE OR SWEET. DON’T CALL ME THAT. I AM EVIL. I AM THE SHADOWS IN THE NIGHT. FEAR ME.  ❜ ❛  i don’t ‘ dress to impress. ’ i dress to depress. i wanna look so good that people hate themselves.  ❜ ❛  i love learning bad things about people i don’t like.  ❜ ❛  i bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.  ❜ ❛  i’m just an asshole with feelings.  ❜ ❛  there’s a special place in hell reserved for me. it’s called the throne.  ❜ ❛  damn boy, are you the terms and conditions? because i don’t give a fuck about what you have to say.  ❜ ❛  damn gurl, you flappy bird? because no one likes you.  ❜ ❛  your tattoo says ‘ only god can judge me, ’ yet here i am.  ❜ ❛  i’m not even sassy, i’m just an asshole.  ❜ ❛  i’m not a bitch, i am the bitch.  ❜ ❛  i like being obsessed with things so that i am distracted from how much i hate myself.  ❜ ❛  tips on talking to me when i’m pissed off: don’t.  ❜ ❛  my fashion sense is called ‘ i am cold and pissed off. ’  ❜ ❛  maybe ‘ fuck you ’ will be our always.  ❜ ❛  i believe in hate at first sight.  ❜ ❛  you hate me? wow, so much in common already.  ❜ ❛  i’m filled with hate and useless facts.  ❜ ❛  do you ever just wear headphones so people won’t talk to you?  ❜ ❛  i’d be such a good girlfriend, you’re all missing out.  ❜ ❛  getting into a relationship may seem tempting but so was getting on the titanic ship and look what happened there.  ❜ ❛  there’s always gonna be that one person who you can’t get out of your mind, no matter how hard you try.  ❜ ❛  i ship me and money.  ❜ ❛  have you ever met someone who’s smile looks like it could make flowers grow?  ❜ ❛  how do i get over someone i never dated?  ❜ ❛  i have a very big crush on you but sadly i am only a little bug and you are a garden.  ❜ ❛  if you grab my face right before you kiss me, i’ll definitely fall in love with you.  ❜ ❛  i don’t like your clothes, take them off.  ❜ ❛  put me in the coffin with both middle fingers up.  ❜ ❛  dying is taking too long.  ❜ ❛  being cremated is my last hope of getting a hot, smoking body.  ❜ ❛  don’t joke about murder. i was murdered once and it offends me.  ❜ ❛  you can’t spell school without ‘ i want to stab myself. ’  ❜ ❛  good news, everyone: dogs.  ❜ ❛  if you think it’s impossible to fall asleep to heavy metal, then you’re completely wrong.  ❜

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- “i can hear you comparing all the fish in this tank to the pokemon they look like can i join too that one looks like feebas kinda” au

**Grunge Fashion Aesthetic**