i adore what ruins me.

                                                     𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄                                       

“You’re dripping blood on the carpet.” “When I said scars are kinda sexy, I didn’t mean you should get one right away…” “Press that against the wound, I’m going to get the med kit.” “It’s bleeding quite badly.” “Oh God, what happened to you?!” “You’re covered in blood! Is it yours?” “Your head looks pretty bad. I’m sure it’ll need stitches.” “It’s going to hurt for a moment, but I’ll need to clean the wound.” “I’m so sorry this happened to you. But you’re safe now.” “That’s a pretty nasty bruise. Want some ice?” “Does it still hurt?” “I don’t think a band aid is gonna fix this…” “Whoa, hey, stay with me! You’re as white as a ghost. Don’t pass out.” “Damn, that must hurt. I’m sure there are some painkillers around here.” “You have to be seen by a doctor. This isn’t going to heal on its own.” “It looks broken. Can you move it at all?” “Here, lean on me. I’ll support you.” “I’m not going to leave you behind. If need be, I’ll carry you.” “I’m going to pick you up now, okay? Just hold on to me.” “Everything is going to be okay. Just hang in there.”

𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐥 .

❛   i  want  it  to  be ,  like ,  messy .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  insecure .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  caught  up  in  the  news  of  who  likes  me  and  who  hates  you .  ❜ ❛   they’d  all  be  so  disappointed .  ❜ ❛   where’s  my  fucking  teenage  dream ?  ❜ ❛   i  don't  stick  up  for  myself .  ❜ ❛   i'm  anxious  and  nothing  can  help .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  people  liked  me  more .  ❜ ❛   all  i  did  was  try  my  best .  ❜ ❛   this  the  kind  of  thanks  i  get ?  ❜ ❛   i  wish  i  could  disappear .  ❜ ❛   god ,  it’s  brutal  out  here .  ❜ ❛   i  feel  like  no  one  wants  me .  ❜ ❛   i  only  have  two  real  friends .  ❜

𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 .

❛   i  played  dumb  but  i  always  knew .  ❜ ❛   i  kept  quiet  so  i  could  keep  you .  ❜ ❛   ain’t  it  funny  how  you  said  you  were  friends ?  ❜ ❛   you  betrayed  me .  ❜ ❛   i  know  that  you’ll  never  feel  sorry .  ❜ ❛   loved  you  at  your  worst  but  that  didn’t  matter .  ❜ ❛   but  you’re  still  a  traitor .  ❜ ❛   there’s  no  damn  way  that  you  could  fall  in  love  with  somebody  that  quickly .  ❜ ❛   and  you  told  me  i  was  paranoid .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  that  you  had  thought  this  through  before  i  went  and  fell  in  love  with  you .  ❜

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 .

❛   i  got  my  driver's  license  last  week .  ❜ ❛   she’s  everything  i’m  insecure  about .  ❜ ❛   how  could  i  ever  love  someone  else ?  ❜ ❛   i  know  we  weren’t  perfect  but  i’ve  never  felt  this  way  for  no  one .  ❜ ❛   i  just  can’t  imagine  how  you  could  be  so  okay  now  that  i’m  gone .  ❜ ❛   all  my  friends  are  tired  of  hearing  how  much  i  miss  you .  ❜ ❛   i  kinda  feel  sorry  for  them .  ❜ ❛   they’ll  never  know  you  the  way  that  i  do .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you  didn’t  mean  what  you  wrote  in  that  song  about  me .  ❜ ❛   i  still  see  your  face  in  the  white  cars .  ❜ ❛   can’t  drive  past  the  places  we  used  to  go  to .  ❜ ❛   i  still  fuckin’  love  you .  ❜ ❛   i  still  hear  your  voice  in  the  traffic .  ❜ ❛   you  said  forever .  ❜ ❛   now  i  drive  alone  past  your  street .  ❜

𝟏 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝟑 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 .

❛   i  called  you  on  the  phone  today .  ❜ ❛   all  i  did  was  speak  normally .  ❜ ❛   somehow  i  still  struck  a  nerve .  ❜ ❛   you  got  me  fucked  up  in  the  head .  ❜ ❛   never  doubted  myself  so  much .  ❜ ❛   like  am  i  pretty ?  ❜ ❛   i  hate  that  i  give  you  power  over  that  kinda  stuff .  ❜ ❛   it’s  always  one  step  forward  and  three  steps  back .  ❜ ❛   i’m  the  love  of  your  life  until  i  make  you  mad .  ❜ ❛   do  you  love  me ,  want  me ,  hate  me ?  ❜ ❛   no,  i  don’t  understand .  ❜ ❛   maybe  in  some  masochistic  way  i  kind  of  find  it  all  exciting .  ❜ ❛   which  lover  will  i  get  today ?  ❜ ❛   will  you  walk  me  to  the  door  or  send  me  home  crying ?  ❜ ❛   did  i  say  something  wrong ?  ❜ ❛   did  i  do  something  wrong ?  ❜ ❛   maybe  this  is  all  your  fault  instead .  ❜ ❛   i’d  leave  you,  but  the  rollercoaster’s  all  i’ve  ever  had .  ❜

𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮 .

❛   i  bet  she’s  braggin’  to  all  her  friends .  ❜ ❛   so  when  you  gonna  tell  her  that  we  did  that ,  too ?  ❜ ❛   she  thinks  it’s  special,  but  it’s  all  reused .  ❜ ❛   do  you  call  her ,  almost  say  my  name ?  ❜ ❛   that  was  our  place .  ❜ ❛   i  found  it  first .  ❜ ❛   do  you  get  déjà  vu ?  ❜ ❛   let’s  be  honest ,  we  kinda  do  sound  the  same .  ❜ ❛   i  hate  to  think  that  i  was  just  your  type .  ❜ ❛   that  was  the  show  we  talked  about .  ❜ ❛   don’t  act  like  we  didn’t  do  that  shit ,  too .  ❜ ❛   a  different  girl  now,  but  there’s  nothing  new .  ❜

𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝟒 𝐮 .

❛   well ,  good  for  you .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you  moved  on  really  easily .  ❜ ❛   remember  when  you  said  that  you  wanted  to  give  me  the  world ?  ❜ ❛   you  look  happy  and  healthy .  ❜ ❛   not  me ,  if  you  ever  cared  to  ask .  ❜ ❛   you’re  doin’  great  out  there  without  me .  ❜ ❛   god ,  i  wish  that  i  could  do  that .  ❜ ❛   i’ve  lost  my  mind .  ❜ ❛   i’ve  spent  the  night  cryin’  on  the  floor  of  my  bathroom .  ❜ ❛   you’re  so  unaffected .  ❜ ❛   i  really  don’t  get  it .  ❜ ❛   i  guess  you’re  gettin’  everything  you  want .  ❜ ❛   it’s  like  we  never  even  happened .  ❜ ❛   what  the  fuck  is  up  with  that ?  ❜ ❛   it’s  like  you  never  even  met  me .  ❜ ❛   remember  when  you  swore  to  god  i  was  the  only  person  who  ever  got  you ?  ❜ ❛   you  will  never  have  to  hurt  the  way  you  know  that  i  do .  ❜ ❛   maybe  i’m  too  emotional .  ❜ ❛   your  apathy’s  like  a  wound  in  salt .  ❜ ❛   maybe  you  never  cared  at  all .  ❜

𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 .

❛   ‘cause  i  thought  you’d  like  me  more .  ❜ ❛   tried  so  hard  to  be  everything  that  you liked .  ❜ ❛   stupid ,  emotional ,  obsessive  little  me .  ❜ ❛   i  knew  from  the  start  this  is  exactly  how  you’d  leave .  ❜ ❛   the  nеxt  second,  you  were  gone .  ❜ ❛   you  left  me  there  crying .  ❜ ❛   you  always  say  i’m  never  satisfied .  ❜ ❛   but  i  don’t  think  that’s  true .  ❜ ❛   all  i  ever  wanted  was  to  be  enough  for  you .  ❜ ❛   maybe  i’m  just  not  as  interesting .  ❜ ❛   you  couldn’t  have  cared  less  about  someone  who  loved  you  more .  ❜ ❛   i’d  say  you  broke  my  heart .  ❜ ❛   but  you  broke  much  more  than  that .  ❜ ❛   now  i  don’t  want  your  sympathy .  ❜ ❛   i  just  want  myself  back .  ❜ ❛   don’t  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  be  used  and  discarded ?  ❜ ❛   don’t  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  think  i  deserve  nothing ?  ❜ ❛   don’t  tell  me  you’re  sorry .  ❜ ❛   feel  sorry  for  yourself .  ❜ ❛   someday  i’ll  be  everything  to  somebody  else .  ❜ ❛   you’ll  be  the  one  who’s  crying .  ❜ ❛   i  don’t  think  anything  could  ever  be  enough  for  you .  ❜

𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫 .

❛   i  thought  my  heart  was  detached .  ❜ ❛   does  she  mean  you  forgot  about  me ?  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy  but  not  like  how  you  were  with  me .  ❜ ❛   i’m  selfish,  i  know  .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy .  ❜ ❛   but  don’t  be  happier .  ❜ ❛   an  eternal  love  bullshit  you  know  you’ll  never  mean .  ❜ ❛   now  i’m  pickin’  her  apart .  ❜ ❛   i  wish  you  all  the  best ,  really .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  you’re  happy,  but  don’t  be  happier .  ❜

𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲, 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 .

❛   i  kinda  wanna  throw  my  phone  across  the  room .  ❜ ❛   wish  i  didn’t  care .  ❜ ❛   i  know  their  beauty’s  not  my  lack .  ❜ ❛   It  feels  like  that  weight  is  on  my  back .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  let  it  go .  ❜ ❛   comparison  is  killing  me  slowly .  ❜ ❛   i  think  i  think  too  much .  ❜ ❛   i’m  so  sick  of  myself .  ❜ ❛   i’d  rather  be  anyone  else .  ❜ ❛   my  jealousy  started  following  me .  ❜ ❛   i  see  everyone  getting  all  the  things  i  want .  ❜ ❛   i’m  happy  for  them,  but  then  again,  i’m  not .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  stand  it .  ❜ ❛   oh  god ,  i  sound  crazy .  ❜ ❛   their  win  is  not  my  loss .  ❜ ❛   i  can’t  help  getting  caught  up  in  it  all .  ❜ ❛   all  your  friends  are  so  cool .  ❜ ❛   yeah,  you’re  living  the  life .  ❜ ❛   i  wanna  be  you  so  bad .  ❜ ❛   i  don’t  even  know  you .  ❜ ❛   all  i  see  is  what  i  should  be .  ❜

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞 .

❛   know  that  i  loved  you  so  bad .  ❜ ❛   i  let  you  treat  me  like  that .  ❜ ❛   i  was  your  willing  accomplice .  ❜ ❛   i  watched  as  you  fled  the  scene .  ❜ ❛   the  things  i  did  just  so  i  could  call  you  mine .  ❜ ❛   i  hope  i  was  your  favorite  crime .  ❜ ❛   you  used  me  as  an  alibi .  ❜ ❛   i  crossed  my  heart  as  you  crossed  the  line .  ❜ ❛   i  defended  you  to  all  my  friends .  ❜ ❛   you  know  that  i’d  do  it  all  again .  ❜ ❛   it’s  bittersweet  to  think  about  the  damage  that  we’d  do .  ❜ ❛   i  was  doin’  it  with  you .  ❜ ❛   i  say  that  i  hate  you  with  a  smile  on  my  face .  ❜ ❛   look  what  we  became .  ❜

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐤 .

“ can you walk? “

“ i’m all right. “

“ you’re bleeding. “

“ lean on me. ” “ for support? “ “ yeah, why else? “

“ i’ll get you out of here. ”

“ are you crazy? i’m not leaving you! “

“ if you die on me, then what's the issue? you either live, or you die. “

“ just trust me, yeah? “

“ i don't need your help. “ “ are you sure? cause it sure does look like it. “

“ rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago. “

“ how bad is it? “ “ it’s bad. “

“ you got shot. there's a bullet in you. i can see it. “ “ i can feel it. “

“ stay with me. don’t close your eyes. “

“ i hate you. oh, i hate you so much right now. “

“ just remove the damn thing. “

“ i’m not a doctor. “

“ it didn't pierce your heart did it? “ “ no, clearly not. “ “that's unfortunate. “

“ you trust me, don't you? “

“ jesus fucking christ, you're annoying. “

“ don't touch me! “ “ how am i supposed to bandage you up if i can't touch you? “

“ don't touch me. “ “ then do it yourself you, egit. “

“ right now, you’re all i have. “

“ you’re going to be okay. we’ll both be. “

“ can you hear me? “

“ i'm scared. “

“ i don't wanna die. “ “ you're not gonna die, you here me? “

“ when have i ever put you in danger? actually, don't answer that. “

“ if i do this, do you promise to stop harassing me? “ “ absolutely not. what kinda sick request is that? “

“ i can’t feel my legs. “

“ can you walk? “ “i’m bleeding. “

“ here, take my gun. “ “ are you crazy? i’ve never used one before! “

“ i can’t get up. you’re gonna have to have to carry me. “

“ come on, i’ll bandage you up. “

“ look, i know we’re not exactly friends, but right now, you're all i got. “

“ you shoot. i distract. “

“ where’s the bullet? hey, i can’t find the bullet! “

“ why are you the one freaking out? i’m the one with a knife in my stomach. “

“ are you squeamish? because it looks like you’re gonna throw up. “

“ you've always impressed me. you're stronger than you look. “

“ you look like shit. “ “ thank you. “

“ here, take my hand. “ “ are you clean? “

“ i'm gonna kill you. “ “ for what, saving your ass? “

“ don't touch me. “ “ okay. shall i leave you here to die, then? “

“ stop it, you're hurting me! “ “ i need to get the knife out. “

“ didn't realize you had it in you. “ “ what? “ “ to care for another person. “

“ trust me, if anybody's going to kill you, it's going to be me. “

“ couldn't just let you die. fair fight and all. “

“ don't remove the knife, or you'll bleed to death. “

“ shut up before i kill you myself. “

“ just wait for me here. “ “ it's not like i can go anywhere. “

“ give me your gun. “ “fuck, no. “

“ why the hell did they stab you? “ “...should i have asked for an explanation? “

“ shut up or i'll give you a real reason to cry. “

“ you owe me. “

“ fuck you, i'm not doing this. “

“ what's wrong with you? you almost got me killed! “

“ yeah, well. perhaps i didn't understand just how much until this very moment. “ “ this is all your fault. “ “ don't act like you're not enjoying yourself. “

“ you're going to kill me, aren't you? “

“ why would you do this? why would you help me? “

“ call it a truce. “

“ why the hell did you stab me? “

“ i don't have anywhere else to go. “

“ i'm glad you're okay. “

“ thank you, for saving my life. “

“ i would have died if it wasn't for you. “

“ you can stay for as long as you need. “

“ we can go back to hating each other tomorrow. “

starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses as necessary .

‘  the problem is you keep trying to use your eyes  ’

‘  how i soften when you pull me against you  ’

‘  you are teaching me to love  ’

‘  i will pretend that i have not already heard the question in your eyes  ’

‘  you perhaps will become my swan song  ’

‘  it is a very human thing to love  ’

‘  you are my good days  ’

‘  i have been loved dearly  ’

‘  i promise you will not always be this war  ’

‘  thank god for the stubbornness of organs  ’

‘  it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you  ’

‘  there will always be another day  ’

‘  there will always be another mercy  ’

‘  perhaps i will take up dancing again  ’

‘  what a pretty little disaster you will be  ’

‘  i am terrified for you  ’

‘  i will fold inside of myself  ’

‘  today i am thankful  ’

‘  i didn’t want to sleep because i didn’t want to wake  ’

‘  come and get me  ’

‘  i tell myself i do not need you  ’

‘  i think i broke again last night  ’

‘  i’m just trying to connect with you  ’

‘  you are an ocean that will perhaps never stop crashing  ’

‘  burn the house down in search of yourself  ’

‘  don’t you dare ever stop looking  ’

‘  i struggle not to feel guilty  ’

‘  you are a wild  ,  unkempt thing  ’

‘  sometimes it is a very sad thing to be human and longing  ’

‘  find that you are made of russian nesting dolls  ’

‘  the trees are always kindest with spring comes  ’

‘  teach yourself the hymns again  ’

‘  he is every amen i have ever laid down on lips  ’

‘  this life is an altar  ’

‘  i am sorry i do not have more time  ’

‘  there is a mountain in me  ’

‘  by the morning i am a triumph  ’

‘  there are words playing hooky in the back of your throat  ’

‘  today is by far the most beautiful creature i have ever come across  ’

‘  there are many things that will fit beneath your skin  ’

‘  forgiveness does not take up much room  ’

‘  some days you will breathe and it will be enough  ’

‘  you do not have to hold it quite so tightly  ’

‘  there is a prayer in me  ,  still  ’

‘  you scare me a little  ’

‘  you can be a good thing and not a whole thing  ’

‘  there are flowers in my chest again  ’

‘  the rain comes and sounds like you  ’

‘  i cannot tell you why i still trust god  ’

‘  find peace and build a home out of it  ’