❛ --- ❀ ᴍᴀʀɢᴀʀɪᴛᴀ ɢɪʀʟ .

❝ I have a plan. ❞

❝ What percentage of a plan do you have? ❞

❝ Who put the sticks up their butts? ❞

❝ Metaphors go over his head. ❞

❝ Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it. ❞

❝ That’s for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons. ❞

❝ You just wanna suck the joy out of everything. ❞

❝ If I had a blacklight, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting. ❞

❝ I have lived most of my life surrounded by my enemies. I would be grateful to die among my friends. ❞

❝ Ain’t no thing like me, except me! ❞

❝ Normal people don’t even think about eating someone else, much less, that person having to be grateful for it. ❞

❝ A bunch of jackasses standing in a circle. ❞

❝ We’re just like Kevin Bacon. ❞

❝ I am Groot. ❞

❝ I like your knife. I’m keeping it. ❞

❝ Oh, what the hell. I don’t got that long a lifespan anyway. ❞

❝ Quit smiling you idiot, you’re supposed to be a professional. ❞

❝ They got my dick message! ❞

❝ Dance-off, bro. Me and you. ❞

❝ You’ve got the best eyebrows in the business. ❞

❝ I am not a princess! ❞

❝ Well, I didn’t ask to get made! ❞

❝ I didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster! ❞

❝ I’m only interested in the simple things… like how much this is going to hurt! ❞

❝ Fine, but I can’t promise when all of this is over I’m not going to kill every last one of you jerks. ❞

And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.

Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on? 

I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!

This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.

Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole. 

Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.

I am three years behind on math homework. 

I don’t like your clothes; take them off. 

What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?

Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?

I get butterflies when I think about myself. 

When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.

Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot. 

To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”

I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming. 

I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored. 

I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them. 

Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.

On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea? 

I’m alive, but only ironically. 

I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven. 

No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying. 

Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times. 

I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any. 

-sighs- Why am I better than everyone? 

I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair. 

If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy. 

If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me. 

My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down. 

Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”. 

I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me. 

                                                       DESSA

Send ✆ for a morning text

Send ✉ for a text that wasn’t sent

Send ☎ for a rushed text

Send ☏ for a loving text

Send ⁇ for a drunk text

Send ø for a late night text

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????