I am won by perfect love.

5:40 pm 30SEPT2017

I talked to you again after four months. I do not have any news about you except that you are busy working now. Four months. I cannot even remember the last time I saw you. We never talk on line, maybe it is because we are both busy trying to survive this whole adult thing. Maybe.

Four months since the last time I talked to you and the first thing that I heard from you was that…you are with someone else now.

It hurts. I never waited for four months to talk to you just to hear that. I do not know if you are joking, but if you are, it is not a funny joke.

Four years had passed and I still admire your perfect smile. Four years had passed and your eyes are still my favorite color. Four years had passed and you still hold this special place in my heart. Four years had passed and you are still my home. Four years had passed and I never wanted anyone except you. You are the only exception, because you never did things for me to love you. It all comes naturally.

You are these things, but again, God reminded (oh how many times He did) me that you are not His best for me. And if you are not His best for me, I will follow and obey Him to let you go. My heart is not in the position to go after its desires when it is not His will.

Our ship has sailed, but it never got to its destination. Now, I am finally letting go of the idea that it may still get to its destination. I hope our friends too. They, too, believe that our ship will still get to its destination, but it is not and it will never be. I am both happy and sad.

Letting go, whether be it in life or love, is never easy. My love and my home, letting you go is never and it will never be easy, but I have to move forward.

I am a firm believer of the idea that a person never really stop loving someone. It’s just that time comes when we will meet someone we are going to love after we let people go, after we move on, after we move forward.

This will be the first and last time I will say this—I love you. I miss you. Oh God knows how much I do because I talk to Him about you. I am thankful I have met you in this lifetime. You are one of God’s ways of teaching me about love and letting go—you are one of my favorite lessons.

The first time I surrendered you and our story to Him, there’s still a little hope in me that maybe, God will give us another chance. Us never happened. This is not easy, but I am letting you go. It hurts, but God is with me, hurt will always be bearable!

Our chapter has ended. Our ship has sailed. We are not each other’s God’s best. It is time to open the door for other people, too. Here’s to moving forward.

14SEPT2017 12:29 am

Hello, friend! How are you? I wasn’t able to blog lately because, you know, acaaaads. We will not be having classes tomorrow, so I am taking advantage of this little time to blog and to take a rest and break from acads. Hehe

We already had our midterm examination. We do not know the results yet, except in our Persons and Family Relations subject and I am happy with the score that I got. Ahhh, friend, you don’t know how much I ~love~ that subject (I hope you smell the sarcasm in there hehehe). Nahihirapan kasi ako sa subject na yun. Umpisa palang kami ‘di na kinakaya ng brain cells ko. Hahahaha!

Everyday is getting harder, friend. And the more it gets harder, the more I am loving it.

It is really true that if you enter law school halfheartedly, you are not going to survive. Kung hindi ko minahal law school bago ko pasukin ito, sumuko na ako. Ang hirap-hirap, maiiyak ka na lang minsan! You will ask yourself, “bakit ko ba ito ginagawa (why I am even doing this?)” and that is okay because when the reason hits you again why you started in the first place, you will find yourself persevering again to finish reading the provisions, digesting cases, and memorizing articles. Nothing is easy, friend. And if you really want something, you do your best to get it.

There was this time that I cried because most of my friends were inviting me wherever and I have to decline their invitations because I have so many things to do. Naiyak ako kasi gustong-gusto ko na magtravel. Hahahaha, but then, when you entered yourself into something, you must be ready for its consequences. I cried and I did acads again. Ganon.

Nasanay na ako at patuloy pang masasanay. Hihi. Malayo pa sa dulo. Everything has been laid down at His feet. I will just have to do what I have to do. Fighting!

Also, I have this happy crush in law school, friend. Ang talino nun eh. And I am a fan of admiring someone; it feels good to appreciate someone kaya whether it be because of their attitude, intelligence, or (sometimes sige hahaha) appearance.

Anyway, I do not know when will I blog again. Friend, I hope you are doing fine emotionally, physically, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually. Take good care of yourself and be happy!

I have work later, so, good night! I hope you had a good time reading this blog. ‘Til next time!

Hello, friend! How are you? I haven’t posted in a while. Hmmm some things are hard right now (time management), but we are fighting, friend. Laban lang! Haha.

Anyway, I just want to share with you this one:

4:03pm 24JUNE2017

Hello, friend! How are you? Time flies so fast, it’s mid-year already! Anyway, I am typing this post while I’m on my way home. Having said that, friend, I want you to know that I am back to school again–law school!

And,

I am giving up…..no, not ever. Hahahaha. Please congratulate me, I survived the first week!  :p

I was advised before by friends, ates and kuyas from law school, and mentors that this path will never be easy. You will sacrifice a lot of things just to have time reading assigned cases and laws. And frieeeeend, hmmmm, I could not agree more. Hahaha.

To be honest, these past few days I’ve been asking myself again and again and again if this is what I really wanted; if I can still do this for the next four years; if I can accept all the things that come with the word /law school/.

And,

My answer never changes: I really wanted this. I am happy I’m back to school again, and learning new things. I do not know if I can still do it for the next years, but, I am certain that I will do my best best bestest to stay where I am now until I get there. I am still learning and adjusting with this law whole law school thing. I am still learning how to manage my time (ang hirap!). I do not know what other things besides academic-related I will learn as I go along in this journey. Come what may, I am, I will be ready.

It is true that words aren’t enough to describe how hard it is unless you experienced it yourself. You know what, it was my third day in law school and I was eating my dinner and I started crying hard because I felt exhausted and I just want to sleep but I have cases to read and digest so I just accept my fate and did it. Hahaha. Iyak muna ako habang may kaonti pang oras para umiyak. Haha.

Anyway, everything was laid down at His feet. I will just do my best while I am on this and leave everything to Him.

Here’s to more law school stories (daming oras?), friend!

It took me a month to post this because again, time! Hehe. Also, ‘di na kasi ako on-deck in most of our subjects kaya naisingit! Hahahaha anyway, ang bilis na naka-two months na agad ako (two months na akong stress na stress) hahahaha! Hope you had fun reading this!

Here’s to more stories.

12:49pm 17 JUNE 2017

I remembered when I was about 7-10 years old; my father, sister, and I went to the mall to buy our school supplies. We went to National Bookstore (NBS forevs! Haha) and I got this super cute watercolor set. I went back to my father to tell him to buy me that and he just said, “Mahal masyado ‘to, ‘nak. Kapag ‘yan kinuha mo, isa lang mabibili natin. Paano na yung kapatid mo?”. I never complained. I never asked why do I need to adjust. I just followed and understand.

That scenario perfectly describes my father—selfless, giving, and patient.

I was young when my father went overseas to work. He is an OFW. He goes home every after two years. To be honest, it is not easy and it will never be. It is not easy living as a child of an OFW. People think that we have everything we needed because we have a parent working abroad. No. It is hard. And I will never get used to the feeling of my father leaving. I still bawled my eyes out whenever we accompanied him to the airport to go back to work.

My father is selfless. He is ready to give whatever he has to anyone who is in need. He is ready to help everyone, every time. He never thinks of himself, always about other people.  As I grow up, I find myself asking questions: Why does my father have to do that?; Why does he have to give everything he has?; Why is it that he cannot say no? I asked so many whys, and my mother plainly answered me, “Ganun kasi yung Papa mo, sobrang mabait. Sobrang mabait, oo lang nang oo. Laging iniisip lahat, laging binibigyan lahat, dapat mayroon lahat.”

I never ask questions again. I learned later in life that you do not ask why do people have a kind heart. You just admire them and hope that at some point of your life, you will be like them.

Even if my father works from miles away, he makes sure that he is present in every milestone we have accomplished. He never fails to support my sister and me in everything, even in our failures. He even supported me in my childhood dream of becoming an astronaut and promised to buy me a telescope (because when I was a child, I thought that having a telescope is the first step to become an astronaut!! *Face palm*)! Hahahahaha, that is my father. In his own words, “Basta hindi masama, nandito lang ako susuporta sa inyo ni Ading (younger sister in Ilocano).” I never hear him say, “Napapagod na ako.” it is always, “Okay lang. Kaya pa.” He is the most patient person I know. I do not even have a memory of him beating me when I was a child.

Happy Father’s Day and Happy Birthday, Papa. Thank you for everything. I pray and hope to have a kind heart just like yours. Thank you for being supportive in everything Ading and I wanted to do. Thank you for supporting us in our dreams and being one of the inspirations why we want to make those dreams come true. You are miles away but never once you made us feel that. Time will come when we do not have to celebrate occasions like these over Facebook Chat. Always know that we appreciate your #FatherJokes no matter how corny it gets, and your voice when you sing. Hahahah!

I love you, Papa. God bless your heart.

P.S.

The only time my father doesn’t support me is when I ask permission to go here, there, and everywhere. There is always NPA in that place (e.g. Rizal, Nueva Ecija), or there would be Tsunami (Occidental Mindoro). Huhu father. Hahahahah!

P.P.S.

I do not have a boyfriend yet because my father set the bar high for the things I wanted in a boyfriend a.k.a. to-be-husband. Hi, crush. Hahahahahahha! Please do read. Char hahahaha.

10:08am 15 MAY 2017

Mother. Six letters, two syllables, and a thousand meanings. I do not really know where will I start blogging about mothers, friend, because I am not a mother. But, let me start with this: I am a daughter unconditionally loved by the bravest and selfless woman I know—my mother.

The daughter does not know if it is okay to say that she has a wonderful relationship with her mother because people may ask, “What are the standards of a “wonderful relationship” between a mother and her daughter?”, but the daughter knows that she can talk almost everything what is happening in her life to her mother—academics, crushes, pains, heartbreaks, anger, bitterness, plans, and dreams. The daughter is a very vocal person. When she wanted to say something that bothers her, she really says it and she is grateful that she has a mother that always listens. When she said always, as.in.always. She grew up telling stories what happened to her at school, what happened to her day (from elementary to college and even when she is already working!), etc. etc. because her mother always listens. And that is the thing she learned as a child from her mother—to listen, to listen not just with your ears but with your heart. Thank you, Mother.

The time came when the daughter had to learn about life—is it not always about achievements, laughter, and happiness. Sometimes, it is failures, tears, and sadness. The daughter found herself struggling with life. She did not know how to handle difficult things because it was not introduced to her before. It was all her mother’s, not hers because the mother always assured that her daughter will not get hurt. But then life said, “It is your time to learn things. You are a big girl now.” and that was it, problems were introduced to the daughter. She did not handle it in a very nice way, though. She hurt people with her actions and her words. She hurt her mother. Things were said, tears were shed, and hearts got broken, but at the end of the day, the mother still comforts, loves, and forgives the daughter as if nothing happened. The mother feels like home and even if the daughter still carries some things inside her and is still learning how to let go of all the hurt and bitterness, her mother always assured the daughter that her unconditional love will never run out. And those are the things she learned as a teen from her mother—to love and forgive people even if they hurt you, and be brave whatever life throws at you. Thank you, Mother.

As time goes by, the daughter started learning things on her own. Her mother told her to because time will come that she will be on her own. And true enough she experienced and learned things on her own. The daughter is scared but she knows that her mother is right. Mother is always right. Her mother told her to always respect people no matter who they are, to always treasure friends, to always follow your dreams and when you are already there—to keep your feet on the ground. Thank you, Mother.

The daughter once said, “I do not want to be a mother because I do not know if I can handle a person like me. I am not that tough like my mother!” the horror, haha. There are so many things the daughter can say about her mother but it is summed up to this—she is not a perfect person and definitely not a perfect mother but she is a home to everyone. She is a wife. She is a mother. She is a friend. She is home.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. I wish I can be half the person that you are. We sometimes fail to show but always know that we love you so much. Thank you for assuring me that I can always go back to you no matter what happen. We will be forever grateful. I pray that you continually seek the Lord and be a woman after God’s heart.

Happy Mother’s day to your mother, friend! And to all mothers out there, we salute you for simple daily sacrifices you are doing for your families! =)

Hello, friend! It’s been a while since the last time I posted here, hehe. How are you? How’s your heart? How’s your relationship with Him at this point? How’s your relationship with other people? How are you?

Friend, I just want to ask you: are you afraid of taking chances?

I am afraid of taking chances, friend, but at the same time, I know that I will not grow if I do not face that thing. Taking chances is part of life and we cannot do anything about it, we just have to make good choices when we are faced with one.

I remember when I was still searching for a university way back in 2012, I was so afraid because it meant that I have to be on my own because I am already a ~college~ student. Hahaha I still find it funny up until now. I took the entrance exams in UP, UE-Caloocan, and PUP. I passed both in UE and PUP. I was so determined to enroll in UE but the program I wanted (Political Science) was only offered in Manila campus and I found out later on that UE-Manila and PUP were both in the same route so I decided to enroll in PUP (I also considered the tuition here so win-win).

I still remember how afraid I am during that time. Paano na ako? I do not know how to commute and to think that my school is in Sta. Mesa and I live in Valenzuela. It’s so far! What if I don’t get along with my classmates? There were so many what-ifs, but I did not let my fears hinder me.

Somewhere along the way, I learned so many things and looking back, I am glad I took the chances given to me.

I learned how to commute (I still get lost in Cubao though huhu) because I had no choice. Haha! I had to go to the university. I got along with my classmates; I made friends that became family and I couldn’t be happier. I was also given the chance to be an officer in our organization and I learned a lot from that (I think this is where I got my time issues especially when someone is late!! Back then, we had this rule that late means penalty, hehe. Also, this is where I first experienced going on an outreach program and my heart from then longs for more outreach programs. <3)

Friend, this year I will be taking chances again. Chances I do not know where would lead me. Chances that scare and overwhelm me both at the same time. Chances that make my heart beat faster in a good way. Chances that make me happily excited. I hope that you experience the same when you are faced with chances, friend. And I hope that you will have the courage and wisdom to make good choices when you are in that situation.

Here’s to more shared stories and taking chances, friend! Hope you have a good day!

P.S.

Don’t forget to ask Him first what chances should you take and you will never be disappointed. *winks*

Hello, tumblrloves! It’s been a while since the last time we’ve talked. I miss you so much. You see, everything is changing and that includes how I manage my time.

If you will ask me how am I, I would gladly say that I am fine and I am happy. I am continually learning everything at work and in life, tumblr. I am happy where God is continually leading me. I still feel fear at times because everything seems new to me, but knowing that God is already there towards where I am heading is enough.

Tumblrloves, I turned 21 last February. I’m getting older, tumblrloves, waaahh! And I am getting more excited to His and this life’s surprises!

Hello, tumblrloves! I have so many stories to tell you, hihi. I’ve been working for one week now. Hehe. I started last September 1, 2016. :)

Truth be told, tumblrloves, I am really happy with where I am and to what is happening with my life right now. I may not be in law school (which is what I really wanted in the first place), but knowing that this is where God wants me to be is enough. I am filled with awe and joy.

Two months ago, I desire to be hired in this company to the position I really wanted. Two months ago, He told me to jump that leap of faith and let go of my dreams of entering law school. And two months later (two months of waiting for my application in this company), I got hired to the position I wanted and I realized that that leap of faith is just a preparation for my law school dreams! Hihihi. He really has plans that are far greater than I have for myself, tumblrloves. I am still amazed every time I think about what happened in just a span of two months. Ang galing ni Lord! :’)

Right now, I am still adjusting to this ~work feels~ and with the grace of God, I am getting by. :)

Hello tumblr, my home. I miss you so much. I may not be active just like before but I will always go back to you, always.

Sometimes, I find myself amazed and lost at how things are happening so fast. Parang, “wait lang, hindi pa ako ready”. It makes me *happy, **sad, and ***scared all at the same time.

I want to share something to you, tumblrloves:

1. It’s so sad how things and people change in a blink of an eye. It will hurt you big time. Allow yourself to feel everything. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to be sad because not everything in life is happiness. One thing is certain: life will surprise you and it’s all up to you how would you react. Whatever happens, take it as an opputunity to grow. Whether you are happy or sad, don’t allow yourself to stay where you are. Hindi ka magg-grow sa ganoon.

2. There are people who will always be there for you―good and bad times. They will always be there for you even if they know that you are going to ignore them. These are the people who really want to be part of everything in your life. These are the people who want to show you that they are going to be there when you are in your happy state or when you are a mess. They will love you EVEN IF you pushed them so many times. These are the people who stay. And they are one of life’s greatest treasures. Appreciate them.

3. It is so easy to hurt other people when you are hurting. It is easy but do not do it because they do not deserve it.

4. What you are feeling right now will not matter years from now. What will matter are the choices you make. So, do not let your feelings dictate the choices you make.

5. If it’s sleeping all day or not talking to people is your way of healing, do it. If it’s going somewhere and meeting new people, do it. What matters is that you are healing. Do not stay where you are because you do not deserve it.

6. Help yourself. Everyone can help you but it is you who can do it better.

7. Drink water. Take a walk. Exercise. Eat. Whatever you are going through, your body doesn’t deserve not getting the nutrients it needed. You have to heal, and don’t get sick.

8. Face ‘whatever’ it is that holds you back from doing the things you are supposed to be doing. It’s all in your mind and you can conquer it.

9. There are days that seems to be hard than any other days. It seems like the light has gone out. But, always, always, persevere to find beauty in everything. It will change everything.

10. Cherish moments. Love people. Always be thankful. But most of all, always keep your faith in God. You may not understand what is happening right now, you may think that you can’t stand up again, you may think that you are a mess, everything is cruel, etc., but always keep your faith in Him. He never leaves you and He will never abandon you. You may think that you are not worthy to go back to Him for all the things that you have done (yes, you are right), but you are not seen by Him like how you see yourself. You are worthy and loved by Him. You will always be. When things aren’t right, always go back to Him. Start again with Him.

* happy ― because I am so excited as to what life has in store for me ** sad ― because everything is happening in a blink of an eye and I want to enjoy and feel everything a little longer *** scared ― because everything I do now will surely affect my ~future~

8:10pm 19JULY2016

Hello, tumblrloves! Here I am again, hihi. Did you miss me? I miss you! I miss telling you stories about everyone and everything. I miss telling you stories about school―commute stories to and from school, nerve wracking exams, funny and annoying profs, adventures with friends―everyone and everything!! I miss school, tumblrloves. I miss doing something I love (or maybe I just miss doing…something! Haha!)

Hindi muna ako papasok sa law school ngayong taon, tumblrloves. At hindi ko alam kung papasok ako sa mga susunod a taon. It hurts big time. I’ve been contemplating about it and the things that come along with it for months now and I just decided about it now. My parents assured me that I can still go despite financial problems (alam mo naman mga magulang tumblrloves, hanggat kaya go lang kaso ang mahal lang talaga mag-aral ng law! “Magagawan ng paraan ‘yan, ate.”) but more than that, they still give me the independence to decide for it. “Pag-isipin mong mabuti kasi nasa sa’yo pa rin naman yung desisyon.” They always give me the chance to decide for myself kahit na noon pa naman and I will always be grateful. But as a child, I know that I have to weigh things as well. In my 20 years of existence, I learned how to prioritize things.

It hurts (typing this post makes me want to cry). I am not sad. I am hurt. I am hurt because I already planned everything―go to law school after college, pass the bar, and be a lawyer by the age of 25. I am a time conscious person, tumblr. I always planned everything ahead of time, I don’t like being late, etc.. I think that is the reason why I am hurt…everything is not happening according to my timetable.

Tumblrloves, I did not know that taking a leap of faith would be this hard; but I know that wherever I go, He is already there. He is patiently waiting for me. Everything is not happening according to my timetable but I have hope that this is all happening according to His timetable! Time like this one is a great reminder of Proverbs 19:21 that says, “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.” No matter how carefully I planned everything, His will always prevails. And I know that He has plans that are far greater than I have for myself, all I have to do is trust Him when He say to me to take a leap of faith.

The confidence and victory I have in Him will always be unfathomable. He knows everything­­―past, present, and future―what should I fear? What should I fear if He is already there wherever I go? My Helper. My Comforter. My Strength. My all in all.