I am Warlock

they say wizard world looks like a massive urchin from interstellar orbit. a thousand spires, a million towers, and—if you’re lucky, when it passes in front of the sun, you can see billions of glittering orbs pondered in the glare of the corona. oh, take me away, to wizard world

im pretty sure his name was Bartholomaeus

sometimes for shits and giggles I’ll ask a wizard how old they are and when they start with their bullshit like “my years stretch long from eons far and forgotten” I’ll point at that guy in the picture and go did you know him

I want

To all foes: I CURSE YOU WITH SINFUL ANIMALISTIC LUST

To all friends: I BLESS YOU ALL WITH JOYOUS BEAUTIFUL FERTILITY

I’m getting laid tonight one way or another

To all foes: I CURSE YOU WITH SINFUL ANIMALISTIC LUST

To all friends: I BLESS YOU ALL WITH JOYOUS BEAUTIFUL FERTILITY

To all foes: I CURSE YOU WITH SINFUL ANIMALISTIC LUST

To all friends: I BLESS YOU ALL WITH JOYOUS BEAUTIFUL FERTILITY

oh so the SUN can cast billions of years of beam attack at us but when *I* want to beam attack laser destroy the sun nobody is cool with that and also willing to give me billions dollars to make it happen

this is blatant favoritism, you all just have a parasocial relationship with the sun that you need to get over, just because the sun is a star does NOT mean it "needs" you or "loves" you

wizard council has no say over this. sun is under paladin jurisdiction and those motherfuckers are 2 beach days away from being California Girls so we’re not doing this anytime soon

This is why we gotta kill those guys

I think the best solution is a death laser

Wait

oh so the SUN can cast billions of years of beam attack at us but when *I* want to beam attack laser destroy the sun nobody is cool with that and also willing to give me billions dollars to make it happen

this is blatant favoritism, you all just have a parasocial relationship with the sun that you need to get over, just because the sun is a star does NOT mean it "needs" you or "loves" you

wizard council has no say over this. sun is under paladin jurisdiction and those motherfuckers are 2 beach days away from being California Girls so we’re not doing this anytime soon

This is why we gotta kill those guys

I think the best solution is a death laser

reblog for something t4t to happen to you this summer.

reblog for something t4t to happen to you this autumn.

reblog for something t4t to happen to you this winter

reblog for something t4t to happen to you this spring

oh so the SUN can cast billions of years of beam attack at us but when *I* want to beam attack laser destroy the sun nobody is cool with that and also willing to give me billions dollars to make it happen

this is blatant favoritism, you all just have a parasocial relationship with the sun that you need to get over, just because the sun is a star does NOT mean it "needs" you or "loves" you

wizard council has no say over this. sun is under paladin jurisdiction and those motherfuckers are 2 beach days away from being California Girls so we’re not doing this anytime soon

The human soul is actually a liquid you know

phylactery is actually just lich’s favourite zippy cup shaped like smth fun

i will soon be releasing a new type of hog with gravity-type powers. enjoy da world

you see I would never do this kind of shit to you guys.