Popcorn in the Office

Group of upper management travel to the Democratic National Convention to see Hillary get the nomination. You bet I was ready with some popcorn when they came back.

Shortly after their return, a senior salesperson started a rumor that the VP of Sales snuck a random dude into their rented Philly Air BnB to have adult relations with. This rumor gets to the C-level. VP of Sales get dragged into a meeting to ask who she fucked at the DNC. Hold up, had to grab another bowl, this is too good.

VP of Sales tells the full story, no she did not bring a random man into the Air BnB, but her best FEMALE friend who is known by everyone at her company, especially this senior salesperson. My favorite quote of this story:

“Don’t you think if I had fucked someone at the DNC, you would all know about it.” -VP to CEO

Grabbing another handful....SO this salesperson had fabricated this entire story. Why? TO GET THE VP FIRED AND TAKE HER JOB. Well, that scheme was a total fail. Hillary Clinton was not the only person to lose in November. Senior salesperson in question heard those dreaded words...

Heed this warning: DO NOT take a smoke break with a lower level employee...especially if that employee is a snitch ass bitch.

VP of Sales went drinking with fellow employees one fateful rainy night to a Wyclef Jean concert. After one too many Sauvignon Blancs, the VP let is slip to the CEO’s first place butt kisser that she orchestrated the firing of another VP (see previous office fodder “The Firing”) and had the power to fire anyone. Butt kisser “freaked out” and went crying to the CEO that next morning in fear of losing his job.

Now, I know what you are thinking - that was her last Sauvy B charged to the company card. BUT WAIT. This VP wasn’t going down without a fight, actually she wasn’t going down at all. Outside of having to take a management course - that she skillfully spun in the all staff meeting as something she elected to pursue - SHE GOT A RAISE.

The story of how an Intern and VP were fired in the trade of the year!

The Business Development intern, after a quick 5 months finally was fired. He had made one to many mistakes and this time his fuck up of multiplying the wrong column on an excel spreadsheet successfully put our company out of the running for a multi-million dollar deal that the CEO was personally working.

The amount of popcorn I ate during that meeting was enough to satisfy anyone for a while, BUT WAIT there was more!

The new VP was also just let go on the same day! Coincidence?! Well lets go to the kitchen and grab another bowl for this one.

Boss confirms that CEO agreed to “let go” of the new VP in exchange of her firing the incapable intern. Now if that is just a slap in the face to all employees, I don’t know what it. 

The Holiday Party everyone warns you about. 

This is what happens when your white cisgender geek of a CTO decides to be cheap at the holiday party, having an open bar but only serving pita chips...

-CEO blacks out during the toasts and makes out with a 22yo guest of his employee

-Same CEO continues onto 2nd bar and orders shots, thus resulting in him getting thrown out of the bar

-Mostly the entire company blacks out and has to call out the following day

-CEO took home previously mentioned 22yo

-You wake up with a black eye and no purse.

Coworker comes out of meeting, first thing he says: