say it louder for the people in the back honestly !! really though , thank you very much for this message. it’s nice to know i’m not alone , makes me feel a little less like i’m delusional or something. 

when i joined astra and took silas up i filled out a lengthy application , answering questions in an interview type scenario as silas. i have never denied that silas was created in astra nor that he was absolutely inspired by the skeleton bio that bettina had written. how many of you can really say you have never joined a skeleton rp , drew inspiration from that roleplay or the bio skeleton in said roleplay ,  and then after moving on kept writing a character outside of that roleplay? i highly doubt most of you can. 

i’d also like to say i am a type 1 diabetic who frequents the hospital nearly every month for extensive amounts of time. it is incredibly hard for me to stay in groups , so yes i had to leave astra but once i did i was more than happy to give them credit for the skeleton bio and any inspiration i drew from it. when i was told to stop writing him i was incredibly offended , because once asked to take the bio written for astra down i did so. i rewrote his bio and kept moving on , because i’m not going to allow anyone to take my muse from me.

i’ve been writing for a very long time , over a decade now , and i can honestly say i don’t know if i would have made it to 23 without it. i’ve spent days feeling incredibly lost and empty without it , i had very nearly decided to leave the roleplaying community for good but how can i give up the only thing that brings me any real happiness ? i’m sure a lot of you understand. anyway , it’s been over a year now and as i’m sure a lot of you saw he has changed just as much through all the applications that were screenshot ( how even ? did you really stalk me that hard ? ) 

every time i forget about you it’s like you resurface to cause some sort of new fresh hell. i don’t know if you’re bored or if this really does mean this much to you , but i promise you that nothing will ever stop me from playing my muses. i offered to give her credit , i encourage people to join it still ( astrahqs ) , but i won’t be victim to this witch hunt. you can try to slander my name if you’d like , but you won’t stop me. if you want to hate me ( any of you ) then that is fine , but this isn’t fair. i have edited him over the years ( he is now an incubus that was reborn after his death in 2007 ) and the only thing i’ve really kept was his name , his ethnicity and birthplace , his fc , and his rich fuck boy trope that i’m sorry but bettina did not invent. 

i have dozens of muses i’ve been writing for years that i’ve entirely created on my own some with inspiration from different things ( mythology , the supernatural , super heroes , books , television or movies especially of the disney / fantasy persuasion ). either way , i’ve admitted to getting inspiration from the skeleton ( but isn’t that the point ) but i have developed him for well over a year now and the version of silas i write now is nothing like the one in astra. his name will be changed , his birthplace , his ethnicity , i will even rewrite his entire bio but the real inspiration behind him now-a-days is super rich kids by frank ocean so if you want to say i’m ripping someone off you can say i’m ripping him off. 

either way i think it is very ridiculous and childish for you to start a witch hunt and slander my name for something like this. it’s truly cruel to try and ruin something so important for me. the roleplaying community can really be an ugly , toxic place sometimes but i refuse to be a victim of it. 

His eyes LIT up at the sight of the other’s infectious smile, quite certain that was a sight he could never get used to, momentarily phased and breathless as he mirrored the other with a giddy grin of his own, reserved specially for Lucien. HE extends a hand up, slender fingers sliding into the male’s soft, blond locks and curling against his scalp, “Most of my clients ARE in Manhattan. Yes.” Spencer muttered, smoke enveloping him with each word though it wasn’t about the convenience. He found himself craving Lucien’s company almost every minute of the day and when he was with others, he found himself wishing he was just with his best friend.

Eyes fluttered close, merely relishing in the gentle touch upon his features, the softest of sighs emitting from him. Though the moment the touch embarked upon his lips, he wrapped pink petals along Lucien’s fingers, engulfing them in his mouth and gently sucking on them as he looked up at the blond through thick lashes, swirling his tongue around his digits. After a moment he released them with a pop, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he shrugged, “I don’t know. It just sounds better to get drunk on a Tuesday rather than a Monday.”

Spencer merely beamed at the boy, nodding his head happily as he looped his arms around the older’s neck, “Mhmm. I love absolutely everything about you.” He replied simply, leaning forward to bump his nose against the blond’s, “Besides…I sleep better with you.” The lanky male stated, swallowing thickly as he momentarily buried his face within the crook of Lucien’s neck, finding that his nightmares subsided when they were entangled within one another’s limbs. After a moment of merely breathing in the other’s scent he tilts his head up so that his lips are brushing against his flesh before placing a few lingering, open mouthed kisses upon his neck.

“That’s probably wise. Especially when I’m around you…I can’t keep my hands to myself.” The male purred, returning the kiss as he ran the tips of his fingers up and down Lucien’s sides, snaking under his shirt as cold fingers graced warm flesh. He happily shimmied closer, hooking his legs around the blond’s waist, as he naughtily ground his hips against Lucien’s, “I love it when you call me, dove.” His own voice just as low as he looked at Lu with a hooded gaze.

lucien scoffed a laugh , nodding his head SLOWLY , “ so i thought , “ he mused with a knowing look in his eye. did it bother the older man to think of the other’s occupation ? yes. would he ADMIT it ? not even to himself. if questioned about it , he would simply claim to be ‘concerned’ about his ‘best friend’. he doesn’t shift away from the boy’s hands in his hair , enjoying the SENSATION as his digits slid through clean , blonde hair. in truth , he was grateful that spencer had a reason to be close enough to visit as often as he did and that was no less TRUE now. 

he was surprised , despite knowing better with the male in his lap , when his finger slid into his hot , warm mouth and he swallowed the noise that THREATENED to jump up his throat. he could feel warmth spread through his cheeks , pink tinging his cheeks , as he gazed with DESIRE HEAVY eyelids at the blonde boy and fought the erection he could already feel coming on as he sucked on his finger , “ s-spence , “ he breathed as his finger was RELEASED from his mouth. he heaved a sigh , eyes falling shut momentarily , before he gave an amused shake of his head. 

he rolled AZURE hues playfully as he linked his own arms around the boy’s waist , “ mm , of course you do. “ he wouldn’t complain or argue too much though , because he was simply grateful that the other viewed him in such a LIGHT. he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as their noses bumped in an eskimo kiss. his heart slammed in his chest because it was the same for him. no rest was as REVITALIZING and EASY as a night wrapped up in sheets with his best friend.  his hand slid up spencer’s back and neck into his hair , holding him there against him as he HID his face in his neck , “ i know , me too , “ he admitted in a small voice.

“ wouldn’t you like to see that ? ” leon teased, though in truth he’d never done it otherwise. half the fun of the shot, the GAME. and tapping a finger to his lips in a pointed gesture, he leaned close to invite a kiss. stopping only when his fiance’s diverted gaze and quiet words cut him off. lanced dismay through his gut at light speed, and had leo clasping the hand that was offered perhaps a little too tightly in return. “ NO. no, i– ” his features wrinkled in concern. “ i don’t want that, cru. it’s FUN turning people down. knowing that i’m– that i don’t have to deal with that anymore because i have you. a spouse. my soulmate is FINALLY mine. i don’t– ”

and what had started concern made way for anxiety shortly after. fingers shrinking out of cru’s reach, body matching subconsciously. leon making himself small to prepare for whatever answer may come. he had no right to be jealous. their entire relationship so far having been built on a certain policy of openness. but built all the same on never having spoken otherwise. had he not done enough to yet ? what if he was never truly enough for his other half ? would he even have any right to be hurt by that ? “ have you been… seeing other people still ? is that something YOU want to do ? ”

he could picture it now; cru tangled up in the arms of another. someone’s head in their lap as their fingers traced slow through soft hair. affection aimless, and innocent. nothing that either of them could HELP. but directed all the same towards another not wearing cru’s RING. leon tried to brush away how crushing it ALREADY felt. how much like rejection it tasted when he knew it wasn’t. never had been before. “ i don’t want that. i don’t want you to be unhappy with me, but i don’t want that. ”

cru hummed quietly as if in thought , “ HMM , “ they tipped their head to the side , pursing lips before cracking a coy smile , “ yes but no. “ he admitted with a shy smirk , gaze diverted as long fingers tangle with his LOVERS. they almost immediately regret bringing it up , afraid to meet leon’s gaze for fear of the truth of his expression but they lifted grey eyes , “ okay , okay -- , “ they scoff a chuckle. they nod as their hands CHASE the other’s hands as he shies away ,  pulling him in closer as he slipped around the bar , “ hey , no , SHH. “ 

they wrap their arms around the boy , nuzzling their face into the place between his neck and shoulder , “ SH , SH , i love you. there hasn’t been anyone else , leon. it’s only you , it’s only ever been you. “ he shook his head , peppering kisses along his lover’s face tenderly , “ that’s not something i want to do anymore , I PROMISE YOU. “ cru ran fingers through the other’s hair , covering his mouth in a quick kiss. 

Zaid almost laughed. Want. What did that word even mean anymore? “If I want to? I want a hot shower and a bottle of jack.” He almost smiled then. “Guess that room’s as good of a consolation as any.” Zaid took just a second to look the other up and down. He tried not to think about him much— hell, he tried not to think about anything much, but Nolan was good at sneaking into his thoughts regardless. The man made for a good travel companion. Strong, dependable, not too depressing, not too talkative. Zaid tried his best to convince himself that’s all he liked about the other. Nothing else. 

Managing to pull his gaze away, he looked back at the Sun, muse suddenly striking him. “C’mere,” he muttered, waving the other closer. “Sit here. I want to draw you.” He announced, still staring at the golden-kissed sky. “Unless you had other plans. I know you’re usually very busy this time of day.”

nolan dropped his gaze , tucking his chin and nodding his head , “ you’re right. i’d KILL for a whiskey neat and a hot shower myself. “ he heaved a sigh , “ the water might still run , but it’s probably COLD AS ICE. “ the blonde glanced around the room , lips pursed , “ good a place as any t’ rest our heads. it’s gettin’ dark and i haven’t slept in a bed in GOD KNOWS how long , how ‘bout you ? “ he scoffed with a slight quirk of the corner of his lips. it was pretty much a rhetorical question seeing as they’d been together for a DECENT time now and if he hadn’t slept in a bed then neither had zaid. he gestured towards the bed , “ you can sleep , i’ll take first watch. “ he still didn’t feel comfortable not having someone ALERT at all times and he was fairly certain he couldn’t sleep even if he tried.