bell hooks spoke about her disdain for the phrase “i’ve fallen in love” and calls for its change to “i’ve chosen love”, “i am loving”, “i am love” and my heart has softened since i read those words.

“Co-regulation is the process through which two nervous systems find attunement. We are physiologically soothed by feeling safely connected to someone we love. While it is a good idea to have both self-regulation and co-regulation tools in our toolbox, there is no shame in needing co-regulation. There are a lot of messages encouraging us to be entirely self-regulating and expecting us to be entirely emotionally independent and self-sufficient. These messages ignore the biological reality of our nervous systems which need safe relationships. Healing does not mean overcoming our human need for connection and co-regulation. It means learning how to safely meet those needs through strong relationships, a mix of self-regulation and co-regulation skills, and an awareness of our nervous systems. Our nervous systems are built for relationships. It is healthy and normal to need other people.”

I was really hoping these weren’t staged and the artist just spends weeks in art galleries and days in front of paintings to make these