Since childhood I had to live in this little box for so long, growing up, the box became invisible and I thought myself to be free. I did what I wanted to do didnt I? I did but in the confinements of that damn box. The box was opinions, dreams, fears, limitations of others. A lot of times people would get jealous for no apparent reason, seeing me as competition, men and Women. I tried to play small to fit in. Fit into a place where I never was supposed to fit in. And now that I think about it, I didnt even care to fit in or these people, I just wanted peace.

And I realized that yesterday. That I have made myself smaller and smaller in hopes of not irking anyone that much that they would make a passive aggressive comment, talk negatively, or just think that way - because I could always feel it. words unspoken but I had understood and internalized the way others perceived me long ago.

I remembered the little girl I was, full of life. I really had a lust for life, I was engaged. Yesterday I realized that that got stolen from me and then I just reenacted the thing that was now my life.