i always felt desperate for feeling the wind
always felt desperate for finding my place
and then i get the feeling like what if
what if i never find my place
what if i don’t even have a place
some of us are born belonging nowhere
i’ve just decided, like, 3 hours ago
that i’m going to stop looking for a fill
some jars are created to not be filled
emptiness looks good on some people
i’m one of them.
i have always thought that love
that sweet, requited love
(not that heartbreak we’re all used to live)
would solve everything, i thought love
could make everything clear, lighter
then, when i finally found this kind of love
that i was looking for, i also found out
that love is not enough, we can’t go too far
only with love inside our suitcase
i lived this love, day after day
i gave myself, more than a hundred percent
i only had him, this boy, always making me sad
making me angry, always making me wonder
whether should i stay or leave
i only had inside my suitcase this love
i just found out, this love i always
thought i needed; this heavenly thing.
but when this love was pulled from me
with no warning, i saw myself alone
surrounded by air, nevertheless i couldn’t breath
i saw myself with my suitcase empty
regrets can’t fill nothing
but they do make things heavier.
he told he loved me, i believed him
and after i’ve heard those three words
that i always wanted to hear from someone
after i thought it all would go right
after i thought i’d found my place on earth
a shoulder that fits my head perfectly
it was all gone, as fast as it appeared
taken from me, without an ask, without a worry
i loathed to see myself that way
this way, cause i still feel like that
i saw myself unprotected, outta my shell
i felt like anything or anyone could hurt me
i’ve always been a depressed, melancholic boy
but the reason for my depression was always
the lack of reciprocal love, the shared essence of life
but i have never dived so deep into the dark
when i saw him leaving, he gave no look back
he didn’t even want to see if i was looking at him
and i was, i was there stood still, praying for him
to turn around and come back to me
saying it was all a joke…
but he didn’t, but it wasn’t
he just moved on, forward.
and it wasn’t me that was next to him, show must go on
but what if he took my will for performing?
there is no show anymore.
i always thought i knew pain, i knew solitude
but now i know, i was just being tested for it
for the real pain, that one that allows you
to hear the sound of your own heart cracking in two
the clearest sound, the loudest sound in the world
which keeps echoing in my mind.
i could clearly feel the life escaping out of me.
like oxygen flowing out of a cylinder
i’ve just decided, like, 3 hours ago
that no one will ever make me feel this way again,
and what i truly hope is
that i can keep at least this decision.
2087
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
areudirty
