I Left My Brain At The Bridge

We had this kid running up and down the isles. It was like they gave him nothing but pixie sticks and redbull. And not a toddler, he was like...10. Several of us asked the parents and yelled at the kids something to the effect of no running in the store. But the kid didn’t care and the parent response was “He’s on vacation, just let him have fun!”

He was running down the isle with the toilet paper and there was this tiny little old lady. Right about the same time as he ran past, she reached out to grab a package of toilet paper...effective clotheslining the speed demon.

Kid fell, clutching his throat and coughing. 

We all assumed it was an accident...till the little old lady came up to the counter.

God, I hate little brats like that. His parents wouldn’t take care of it, so I fixed it for you.

I don’t know what it is about people and the island pharmacy. Today, we had a woman wander around for 45 minutes (keep in mind we’re not a large facility) before coming to the front counter...

Is this, like, a real pharmacy? Can doctors get you a prescription here and everything?

I was talking with this really nice couple, while their little ginger haired child meandered around the shop...obviously impatient.

He comes up, interrupts the conversation by screaming....well...maybe a half demonic growl is more accurate. “HUNGRY!”

The father tries to soothe the child, and say just a minute more. The child proceeds to throw itself backwards and writhe on the floor. “Hungry HUUUNGRYYYY HUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNGGGGRRRRRRRYYYYYYY”

The mother is visibly afraid at this point of the writhing little soulless ginger potato on the floor. “We better get going before he starts to have a fit”

Man1: Wanna do some fishing today?

Man2: Sure, how about some fresh water?

Man1: Yeah, that sounds great. We will take the boat out to the point

Man2: Fresh water at the point?

Man1: Yeah, that’s why it’s called the point.  It separates the fresh water in the ocean.

Rod & Gun Employee: Guys...that’s not entirely.....

Every now and then I get some really cool visitors that talk to me about work.  One guy was serving as an assistant to someone serving in our Cabinet, I don’t want to say which office because I don’t want to out the guy in any way.

But he said that we’ve no idea just how screwed up most of our people on The Hill are.  He had a serious order in one meeting that was supposed to be on a very serious defense topic, that was to call Oprah and Bruce Willis, they better be on the line in twenty minutes.  His boss had an idea for a movie that needed to happen RIGHT NOW!

Or that they have to have staged interventions with their support staff because they honestly don’t have any connection to the idea that funds for their office can’t be used to finance another home.  Or you can’t fire someone because they’re black.

It was a horrifying look into behind the scenes.

Woman: What are these rings made out of?

Me: Seashell

Woman: So the bones of shells??

Me: Just seashell.....

Woman: Seashell bones?

Me: No, just......

Me: Nowhere. They’re illegal on the island.

Woman: So...Avon?

Me: No. They’re illegal on the island.

Woman: Hatteras?

Me: No. They’re illegal on the island.

Woman: *increasingly upset* NAGS HEAD?

Me: They. Are. Illegal. Here.

Woman: But I told my son we could set some off on the beach!

Man: (comes out of the house next door) I don’t like that you’re cutting the grass while we’re on vacation

Me: Sorry, we just go where we’re told.  You can call the office if you really want to, but we’ve just got a list to go through.  We’ll be out of your way in about half an hour.

Man: But I’m on VA-CA-TION.  I don’t have to put up with a lawnmower making noise.

Me: Like I said, I just go where I’m told to go by the office.  We’ve got to cut the grass per the home owner’s request.

Man: Why can’t you do it when we’re gone?

Me: Sir, I’ve just got to cut the grass.  I’m just an employee doing what I’m told.  Please call the home office if you’re upset, the number is on the side of the truck.

I normally strike up conversation with people browsing around the shop.

Me: So, what do you do back home?

Woman: Oh, I work at Kroger.  It’s a grocery store>

Me: *smiles* Yep, my uncle works at one. Which department are you in?

Woman: Um.....home?

Me:....so.....corporate side of things?

Woman: No....uh...inside.  Inside the store

They both stare at this empty exhibit for several minutes before asking me what is in there.

“Nothing. Nothing is in the exhibit.  It hasn’t been filled yet”

What about being in protective wear says come on in?