Your Guide to Hyperfixating over Fiction

1. Round 1

My clematis, hope bloomed from the abyss,

The first thing that stood out to me is how they were trying to synchronize they're singing. I am assuming that they were both trying to beat the system by getting the exact same number of points and both living to survive the competition.

After Mizzi's death, the guard put the collar on Mizzi, and it immediately turned red. (I also noticed how the guards are human-shaped, their movements are also very human. This caught my attention from my first watch-through, which was later confirmed in the most recent comic; these are indeed humans who decided to turn their backs on their own kind and watch their kin die mercilessly like animals on stage ... I'll get into this later)

Mizzi's face is covered in Sua's splattered blood that, and in this moment we see no tears in her eyes, they almost seem hollow, as Mizzi blanks out, staring into nothingness. It contrasts the lyrics at the beginnning:

"And the starlight in your eyes"

Mizzi's eyes seem as hollow as the darkness of abyssal space.

"When the darkness blinds my sight ... I will find you by your scent "

This part was very tragic, as the last scent Mizzi experienced before Sua's death, before she "slumber[ed] forevermore" was the scent of her blood.

I also wanna talk about the lyric distribution at the beginning. For Sua, Mizzi was the hope that bloomed from the abyss, from the abyss of despair, from the abyss of a hollow ruthless universe. She almost represents something sacred.

Then we switch to Mizzi, Mizzi mentions that she always wants Sua by her side. She wants her unwavering presence in her life, through good and bad. And while yes, that does signifies a deep connection of love and attachment to Sua, wanting her to be a constant presence in her life, it also shows some selfishness, possessiveness even on Mizzi's end. I think it's very interesting that Mizzi displays a possessive attachment style to Sua because possessive people usually have a need for control, a need that stems from once losing or fearing losing the object of their affection, losing something, or someone very dear (this gets more interesting with one of the newer Mizzi comics with her and her mom)

Sua deified Mizzi, while Mizzi cages with her fear and control, she wants Sua to always be by her side. The result? A very toxic codependency.

Unfortunately, we don't get to see more of this love story; as the points were being rounded up and we almost get a glimmer of hope that our favorite lesbos are gonna make it out of this:

"Hope withered in the abyss"

I found it really interesting that it was Mizzi that said this, contrasting how Sua sang the antonym at the beginning. I think at this point, Mizzi realized that Sua was more than just an object for her affection, and the tables turned ... in a sense. I believe Mizzi did love Sua, but I think she took for granted how much Sua gave meaning to her wretched existence. Yes, Mizzi was Sua's lifeline, but I think it took Sua dying, to realize that she was not merely the object of her affection, or a love that she can control in a world where she has no control over, Sua was Mizzi's lifeline as well.

I think this is why she did not have any tears in her eyes when Sua died; when faced with tragedy of losing her lifeline, the sheer weight of emotions, numbness is the only way her body could react, because it could not react; all her 5 senses were experiencing Sua's death: the scent and taste of her blood on her face, the vision of Sua's corpse right in front of her, and most importantly the deafening absence of Sua's voice...

2. Heavenly Garden

THOUGHTS:

This was so intense in so little panels. It seems that Sua's entire biological family was adopted by the same Alien in Anakt Garden, since this was set after Sua and Mizi already met. It might be the case that Sua’s “owners” had a personal aesthetic preference for straight black hair in their “pets”, that's why they kept Sua and her sister.

Sister Sua torments child Sua about death, about dying in Anakt Garden, a place she perceives as hell. This obviously messed with Sua's young impressionable mind

Sua would imagine death on repeat. Death signifies ceasing to exist, and for Sua, it is the ultimate fear for humans, because it is the ultimate fear of the unknown. However, we get a flash-forward of Sua dying on stage, rebuking her sister's words; for Sua, not existing at all is better than existing in a world without Mizzi. From a young age, Sua's sister ingrained the idea that Anakt Garden was a place akin to hell, but for Sua it was the polar opposite — it's where she found her Eden.

I find it interesting, the dynamic between Sua and her sister, and how it ultimately and undoubtedly affects her relationship dynamic with Mizzi. It's clear that Sua had an abusive family dynamic, one that constantly belittled her, making her feel worthless, empty, and dismissed. Sua's sister trivialized Sua and her fears. When this trivialization and belittlement happen, it leads to an internalization of these sentiments and perceptions, leading to an attitude of "Why should I give a damn about myself? No one else does." Sua internalized these perceptions of herself. Ironically, I believe the reason Sua's sister tormented her like this was because she saw Sua as an extension of her personhood. Sua's sister, having an upper hand in the power dynamic and acting as a parent figure to Sua, saw Sua as a mini version of herself (they also quite literally look very similar, I lowkey thought she was her mom). So Sua was a vessel for her sister to project all her insecurities, seeing her as an extension of her own personhood. This makes sense to me because of this panel specifically:

It seems that Sua's sister has gone blind in one eye (she’s injured in that eye and there is a scar). Did she get injured by her Alien owners? Or on stage? Either way, the fact that we got this panel of her showcasing her weakness while tormenting Sua for slipping and belittling her proves my point. Sua didn’t do anything any child wouldn’t do, but her sister takes this as an opportunity to plant the thorns, projecting her own weakness and insecurities onto little Sua under the slithering guise of a parent-like love. Of course Sua would start to believe that she is worthless. This belittlement creates a personal emptiness and void. It creates a sense of loneliness and despair, which is perfectly captured in this panel of Sua sitting alone, quite literally in a void, feeling devoid of hope and consumed by fear and anxiety.

Sua internalized her sister's insecurities, as well as the idea that she was worthless, because of the constant condescending belittlement she endured from her sister.

Then Mizzi comes and gives her the security she never felt. Mizzi filled that void. Sua was a cup that was constantly being drained and drained, and Mizzi is the water that came and filled it up, that gave her life. So for Sua, Mizzi being gone is the equivalent of life itself being gone, and returning to the state of nothingness , the void, she was already in. And in the end, it seems that Sua would have chosen death a thousand times over if it meant not being empty again.