Obelisk

You gave me everything and I’ll always owe you as much,

With as many regrets to match my debt,

I know you’ll never be here to hear nor to collect,

To the trampled left in my wake, i can offer none but two things,

the pleasure that may come with knowing that in my awakening I have brought deep sorrow upon myself,

and,

the sincerity formed by the former revelation

My heart still beats feintly for none in particular and will forever bleed for the ones I’ve come to know as the unfortunate.

As a new moon looms, the haunted howls of my soul pierce the unfamiliar silence in my mind.

even if it was for only a sliver of a moment.

From the electricity that runs through your veins,

charged by the voice of the one whose palm your heart rests atop.

To the numbing coldness that spreads through your body,

delivered by one whose very existence plagues your mind.

It’s all the same.

A name, the bullet

A voice, the trigger.

What’s in a name?

Everything.

Last night I felt worse than usual, still I put on the show for my audience against the backdrop of the bright sky. It’s easier this way, I’ve come to learn.

Until the sun goes down and it’s finally morning, and the mask comes off and I can be me. I can fall apart in the solace my precious silence offers, free from the empty questions and the curiosity in care’s clothing. Free to lose myself in an author’s world. Alone in my own time, I can lay broken and bare faced.

When the sun starts to peak in the early evening, I take my rest and later awaken to the blinding night sky.

I’ll don my mask and they’ll never notice.

I wonder.

I’ve been off on some careless drifting, high flying and hard crashing. No search for attention, no void to be filled. Nothing spectacular of the sort.

I’ve been gone a while, set out on a journey of self discovery like an excerpt from a tragic romance novel on a dreamer’s shelf.

And I’ve returned, a mind once restrained, walled off and locked behind doors is loose. Set free to romp once again.

A new canvas to cover. Glass walls to break.

A new mask for the truest fake.

I remember when we were kids and they told us to treat people how we wanted to be treated . They never told me that the world is an awful and unfair place. They never told me that people won’t always treat you the same way you treat them. I had to learn these things for myself. One painful lesson after the other. I kept handing out chances because I wanted to believe in people. In return I received nothing but reasons to be filled with hate.

And they wonder why I turned out this way, what went wrong and how I turned out so broken.

At some point I said fuck it. And I embraced the darkness, let it turn off my emotions. I watched from behind my shoulder, watching as I isolated myself, putting up walls and wearing masks. I perfected my persona and let myself slip away.

Until I met her…

And she ruined everything in the best way possible.