not waving but drowning

The day we met at that party was love at first sight. We had this chemistry that gave us an unbreakable bond.

I began to see you every other weekend or so which quickly turned into every weekend, multiple times a week, and finally every day until we practically moved in together.

You did a good job in teaching me to socialize, helping me with work and making me smile… so our relationship was good for a bit.

I loved it when you’d wake me up in the morning too. We’d kick it all night and often into the next day… or two days… or three. I was never tired when you were around.

But as all things go, our restless time together became too much, and you changed. I constantly missed you and struggled when you weren’t around… a codependency I did not enjoy.

You were sociable around my friends but when we’d get home and were alone you’d make me so angry… and sad. You were ruthless in your ways.

You would abuse me like I abused my time with you. I went to sleep crying every night because of the things you’d make me think; yet, I stayed because you’d pulled me in, made me conflicted and forced me to stay. I was powerless over you and it was simply unmanageable.

Eventually your abuse became physical. You’d make my nose bleed and ears ring… and still you were ruthless.

You even tried to kill me a few times! I went to the hospital for weeks, but you visited me there too, I almost had a heart attack, and nothing ever truly got better. Who, who truly means something important would do those things to me? After all the things I’d done for you? Like betray everyone and make a fool out of myself in front of my friends? Give you all my time and effort? Spend countless dollars for you? I even lost 30 pounds for you!

You never stop taking, and you always get what you want.

Now I’m glad I cried to my parents about you. I’m glad they pulled us apart for good. I’m glad we will never have to come face to face again.

Cocaine, I hate you. I’m sorry that we are incompatible, but more so, I’m sorry that you ever entered my life. I don’t need you anymore, I need my sanity back.

I want to fucking bleed