NYCrush

         New York City is known to never sleep, of course in this context sleep does not mean sex. As I shared a cosmopolitan with my friend Sarah the other night I noticed a man sitting alone next to me at the bar. He said he recognized me from out by the payphone (why I was using a payphone isn’t clear to me either), however it became very clear he followed me into the bar. But while I may have had a few drinks I was surely not drunk enough to know when to walk away. However the same can’t be said for a friend named Damien. Damien is a lot older than me and a nice guy, however he is only looking for sex. Something very different from my own view. So while New York may never sleep, Damien is sleeping around… even with myself. Usually this would kill me to say, but it’s the truth. I slept with Damien. Twice. Three times if you count more than one time in the same night. I began to wonder as I walked home from his apartment : do we make exceptions for our own sleeping around? I myself began to assure myself what I did was not wrong, that Damien is a nice man and it is usually not like me to have done this. Yet how do I know if Damien is a friend with benefits or just giving me the benefits and not interested in friendship at all? Can anyone really be friends with benefits. For this New Yorker, I’ll have to sleep on that...

With the ever-changing weather of New York it is always a risk stepping out your front door. You are underdressed, overdressed, but rarely dressed perfectly for the occasion. Perhaps the same can be said about love. Sometimes do we prepare for dates based on what expect, only to face the reality outside? With some dates we don’t expect it to be so cold, we leave in shorts and are shocked by the bitter reality. Such as Hunter who left me in the snow expecting something better than what I got. Is it really so hard to go into a date with the right mindset? Or are we always expecting the opposite of what we get? When I went on a date with Dakota over the summer I wasn’t expecting much, but ended up liking him a lot, only to see he wasn’t dressed for the same weather. As I rollerbladed through Central Park I realized autumn was in full motion. We change our shorts and sunglasses for jeans and a sweater. However when do we know to change for dates? Or do we just have to pray for the Indian-Summers that catch us by surprise. While I am not one who have had luck with the dating field, I keep stepping outside – which is most important. And until there can be a weatherman of Love, I guess I’m going to have to dress by chance.

         So I fail you again Journal. My deepest apologizes. While today was busy and filled with classes, midterms, eboard meetings,a pink party and poetry reading – I winded down my night with a talk with my suitemate Asa. A reflection – something we so often forget to do it the fastest city in the world. Reflect, on the almost two and a half years we’ve been in New York City. This year is truly shaking the boat for some friends and me. While I have grown stronger with Meghan and Asa, my journey with Erika is a complete titanic disaster. Let me catch you up Journal, since I seem to never write. It all happened thanks to a little app I like to call Foursquare, which Erika can’t handle due to jealousy issues. When Erika would see Meghan and I together the jealousy would rage and Erika would become one passive aggressive hulk – green with envy. On September 1st I thought I was being a good friend by visiting her at Magnolia’s but instead she was cold to me. When I went to give her a hug later that night she became even colder – and so created the iceberg that hit our boat. I am usually one to turn over a new leaf, but being autumn I just let this one fall. I have no regrets for I know I did nothing wrong. Now Erika is working at Godiva. Seems working around so many sweets only makes her more bitter.

         What’s the use of a journal if you wont ever use it? Could so much time have passed before I recalled my joy for writing? I always wanted to write my life down but feared somethings are too secretive to ever be written. I’ve contemplated getting a hard journal for quite some time but the fear of a pest unlocking my life was far too intimidating. I will decide that over the next week when school is done and summer is in full bloom. This week is the most dreaded horrors of them all…finals week. While I am 60% done with my finals and moved out by Tuesday the 15th many things stand in my way: my last ever Spanish final, a trip to South Carolina for my brothers graduation, and finally the final that will finish them all put this year in the past, a history final. There is always a bitter sweetness to a school year’s end. Of all the plans that never happened and aspirations that never followed through, and for all the new plans you set for the coming year. We tell ourselves we will change some and follow through with others. But do we ever really? A test in life that we are often conflicted by- our habits. The habit every human has, to not follow through. Just as I didn’t follow through with the journal. And now here I am over a year and a half later promising myself I will write again. And I will. Or so I hope…

Secrets and Relationships. It seems those two words can be best friends or the worst of enemies. There are those who are open books, such as Anthony. And those who would rather keep their private life…private. Me? Private. Recently Beth opened up to me, probably because I opened up to her. Beth told me how she is upset because her younger brother, freshman in high school, got his first girlfriend. What sounds like a joyous occasion is not, because you see…Beth has never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed. I thought I was in that lonesome boat when I came to collage. Yet it turns out Beth and Christina are fellow shipmates…or were. Before I jumped out of that boat at the first chance I could with Ben the RA. Maybe that’s why Beth and I get along so well. In a weird way, I see a lot of myself in her. Beth is waiting for the right moment for her first kiss. I jumped right for it…or it jumped more at me. I guess I have technically kissed in high school, but those were friendly kisses that meant nothing. This kiss…was something. There was passion. Yes…not the ideal first kiss with a first love. But a kiss with a friend…with benefits. An RA. A senior. Who would want to say no? Christina opened up to me about her empty love life as well. Beth made it seem like there was a juicy secret…there wasn’t.

A weekend to focus on you. That’s what this weekend was all about. Perhaps I will regret the additional work I will have to conquer tomorrow. But living in the present- Loving life. With roommate out all weekend, this has been a boy’s dream of owning his own apartment in the upper west side. A little bit of heaven and a dream combined to become a weekend reality. Heat on high as the bitter cold rises through the city. Seems those city lights can’t warm up the whole city. Walking down the streets…I never want to take this location for granted. I want this to be the beginning of an amazing NYC adventure; starring me! Brian- The native New Yorker. Meghan hung out with me today. Attempting to defeat the grown war against our homework and deciding our futures. Indecisive and insecure we are most definitely freshman. Beth and I then went to best buy for some most unnecessary purchases; but aren’t those the best buys? A copy of the first Sex and the City movie. And that is how the three of us spent our Sunday night. Nearly midnight- and the apartment still to myself. Blackberry to Blackberry with one of my best friends Erica who is at Brown University. Seems college is a true test of a high school friendship. Some test you fail. Some you retake. Some you never take. Ours- definitely an A+. 

It seems from the begging of time man was made to work and relax. Perhaps there is no balance between the two. You simply must do one or the other. There are those occasional days where a balance is found. But for the most part, it seems like we create our days with a purpose. And sometimes that purpose is to have a day to ourselves. As any upper-west side student will tell you, you can relax very well, even in the busiest city. A day devoted to myself is how I began the day. A morning run in Central Park, organizing my room, shopping, and two movies back to back. I find organizing to be fun and enjoyable. A freshly scented room and a clean closet later, I am definitely satisfied with my day regardless of the workload I must trench through tomorrow. That’s life, just one day at a time. With my apartment to myself today, besides the brief Patrick cameo, my day was clearly devoted to me. A facial mask included, I papered well. A much needed papering to relax before a battle. The battle- this week. I must fight through my American History paper and come out on top. An outcome that was not achieved in the previous war. That’s tomorrow’s problems though. I must rest and be satisfied with my day. Relaxed. Rejuvenated. Revitalized. Refreshed. And tomorrow I will restart.