Either out of habit, sudden impulse, or not on purpose, a hidden, stolen little touch when you think nobody will notice means so much more than big display on camera.

i have been thinking a lot about the heavy energy. I’ve expressed my anger at what happened to my darling (and I won’t go into it again), but it especially hurts because it’s not only that bothering Hudson. It’s a shit sandwich served up to someone that’s already tired, frustrated and fatigued from tension that has been coursing through his blood for weeks.

It’s hard to speak about the energy right now. It’s low. He’s tired. He’s so damn tired. Previously I was getting strong emotional currents but right now it’s like he doesn’t want anyone in. Like he’s withdrawing to tend to his wounds and to hopefully not sink too far inside his own thoughts.

As tired as he is, he can’t get out off the train. It roars on. He’s too tired to relax, but he can’t rest well enough to get all of his strength back.

Here’s the thing. I think it’s easy to get lost in the weight of all this. Of everything that’s been building up over this past month or two. Or more.. In the anxiety, the concern, the worry… because we love him, and the terrible symptom of loving is a desperate want to protect him from harm.

But that’s the pain point. What he’s going through is his own journey. It’s his own path to clear, and only his footsteps will lead him through the correct doors. All we can do is send our energy, and our support sealed with best wishes, in some vain hope that it reaches him.

You know who does reach him, though?

You know. ☀️

I’ll say this outright. I don’t know when the last time Hudson saw Connor is. I understand why a lot of people believe he saw him recently, and the energy suggests that. There was a rise of currents between them right after the Awards that was.. a lot. But in my view? I think that was the longing of someone that missed his soulmate, and needed his attention - I believe he sent enough love and frustration and raw emotions through the phone for us to feel it.

I believe he’s been missing Connor ever since. I’ve seen a couple readings on him that point towards the same picture: I love you, I miss you.

I believe he mentioned Connor so many times at the Crave event because he missed him desperately. I believe he thought of him all day, and the silent sorrow we’ve noticed since is the bitter acceptance from someone walking a difficult path alone.

But he’s not actually alone. You know that, right?

I want to talk about the energy i’ve been perceiving for a minute. Briefly.

Usually, Hudson gives me pretty strong emotions. He thinks loudly, so he gives me a sense of how much tension he’s carrying. For a while now. But lately it’s been.. different. When I try to listen, it’s just the sharp buzz of a moving current. And a pressure, like he’s trying to run forward, despite some weight holding him back. But where is he trying to run to? What is he trying to reach?

Then I went to study other readings, for more perspective. And I thought of Connor’s evasive silence. Of how he’s hiding something behind his work, behind his busy schedule, behind other feelings to distract me, with a giant Do Not Disturb sign to block the door.

Ah. So we know where Hudson is going. To where he always returns. To someone who’s drawing him in and saying, Come hide here.

I don’t believe they’re physically together. I think that’s the ache a lot us feel. I think they’re trying to reach each other, but there’s obstacles in the way. Things to be done, situations to navigate carefully. There’s a pattern in nearly every reading on them for this month - and it matches my feelings as well. They are apart, but they are moving in tandem. They are communicating and bridging the distance the same way they always do - with truth, support and unconditional love.

I know a lot of people question, “Where is Connor?” because we don’t see him. We don’t hear from him. “Does he even care?” But.. he doesn’t need to appear for us. He doesn’t need to prove anything to us.

He’s there, always, for Hudson. He’s been there the entire time. He’s in his mind, in his heart, on the phone, sending his love and protection and strength, like a mountain. He’s planted his feet in the ground, for Hudson to lean on him.

Of this I have no doubt. None.

If you follow tarot in any capacity, you’ve seen it. Connor’s presence in Hudson’s cards. Hudson’s presence in Connor’s cards. Even when they are apart, their energies connect. They communicate. They love, and love, and love.

Hudson is going through a lot right now. He’s asking big questions and staring down a road that seems to wind for miles in unpredictable directions. But significant change is inherently painful. To become someone anew, the old one must die. Metamorphosis.

Connor is inextricably involved in what Hudson is going through. I have no doubt of that either. I have my theories, but this post isn’t about that.

My point of this post is simply.. this.

I know it looks like Hudson has no one in his corner. I know it’s frustrating to see him call out for someone that’s not at his side. But that’s my point.

He is.

In his heart, in his mind, in his decisions, in their conversations and future plans. Connor is a central thread running through the entire picture.

As I’ve said before… This could be easier. This could be simpler. At any time, Hudson could have decided, “we’re not doing this. I’m not doing this,” and fallen in line. And yet… Here we are.

I don’t think we’re waiting on him to decide much of anything. I think he’s chosen.

Just as I don’t think we’re waiting for Connor to wake up and go to him. He’s there.

*muffled screaming*

🚨🚨AND TAKE IT HE CERTAINLY DID🚨🚨

this was about hudson’s psychosexual obsession with how big and strong connor is and how he loves peacocking in front of him and how that led to him refusing padding during the vegas hotel sex scene ON THEIR FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING???? WHEN HE CANONICALLY FELT HE HAD TO EARN CONNOR’S APPROVAL???????

It's been a while since I made a post this long but I'm having a lot of thoughts.

On Hudson's racist leak:

I really hope Hudson addresses this directly. I will not glaze over it and make excusses for him. Speaking as a POC, My immediate thought is that what we're seeing here is, unfortunately, a fairly common experience for many POC who grow up in predominantly white environments. When you're young and constantly made to feel different or like you don't quite belong, especially if you don't have a genuinely inclusive friend group, you often end up doing whatever it takes to fit in. Sometimes that can even mean distancing yourself from your own identity or making comments about your own community in an attempt to gain acceptance.

That's what I think may be reflected in these old posts. It could also be part of the reason why Hudson now seems very intentional about wanting to work primarily with POC and telling stories that center those experiences. Sometimes people overcorrect when they've had to confront parts of their past that they're not proud of.

As for his social circle:

several of us have been saying for a while that something feels a little off. At the same time, it reinforces my belief that Hudson probably wasn't doing very well during parts of his younger years. He's hinted at that himself more than once, describing symptoms that sound a lot like depression and speaking about periods where he struggled.

What's interesting is that he has also said he had never been happier than when he started filming HR and met Connor. A friend of his posted yesterday that Hudson came home and described the project as "this hockey show or whatever, and I don't know if it'll be any good." By that point, he was already downplaying something that, by all accounts, he was incredibly proud of and that coincided with one of the happiest periods of his life.

To me, that says something about the environment he grew up in. Obviously none of us can know for sure, but it gives me the impression that it may not have been the kind of environment where people openly celebrated each other's success or felt comfortable expressing pride and excitement.

About the people saying Hudson is a bigot:

With that in mind, it's also one of the reasons I've always felt it's important for him to find some balance in how he expresses his sexuality publicly.

If his public identity is meant to be straight, then the language he uses should probably reflect that to some degree. Otherwise, there ends up being a mismatch between the image that's being presented and the way he engages with queer culture, queer experiences, and queer-coded language. A lot of his art has also centered queer themes, which only makes that disconnect more noticeable.

I'm not saying straight people can't engage with queer stories or communities, they absolutely can. But there are certain jokes, expressions, and ways of speaking that can come across very differently depending on who's saying them. If a publicly straight person said some of the things Hudson has said, many people would likely view it as offensive, dismissive, or even homophobic rather than affectionate or self-referential.

I don't know who the best comparison would be, but if someone like Chris Pratt said half the things Hudson has said, I think he'd be heavily criticized for it. That's why I've always felt there is a disconnect between the identity they're trying to present and the way Hudson actually speaks, creates art, and interacts with queer culture.

So right now, there are a lot of people coming forward with their torches out, calling him bigoted. Whether that's a fair assessment or not, this is exactly the kind of situation his PR team needs to help him navigate.

And finally, I have to admit that I feel sorry for him.

First up is a side by side comparison of two photos from the VF Oscars After Party

And now, we will have some fun comparing photos from the Met Gala and the CSAs

Bonus: SNL vs CSAs

The person he most wanted to share the moment with wasn’t there.

No matter how much happiness and gratitude he felt, I get the impression there was a Connor-sized chunk of his heart missing.

We’ve seen in little snippets how much Connor stays on his mind, imitating Ilya at the Laufey shoot, talking about his handwriting at the Oscars, even talking about him Sunday in the red carpet interview. I think it’s a safe bet they stay on each other’s minds together or not. And when they are together, you get Met Gala - attached at the hip and looking for each other when they’re not- which at the end of the morning, was pretty tame as far as what is on public record. I hope everyone gets an all night out memory in your 20’s - several in fact!

Looking back at all they’ve experienced this year, I can’t say I blame them. When you find the person you can talk with for hours, who shares your values, passions, and weirdness. Who can stand beside you on the biggest stages or at a video arcade as an equal supportive partner - is it any wonder Hudson had a little melancholy vibe at the awards? There is only one person who truly understands the man he is becoming.

They just can’t help it…

Hudson Williams Best Lead Performer CSA 2026!!

TODAY.com Interview Clip – Connor

Connor says a lot here. I teared up when I was transcribing this one. 🥹

TODAY.com: You both have said in the audition process that you kind of singled each other out to Jacob. Hudson aka the third one. When it came time to film on set, was there a moment or scene where you felt validated in that instinct that you kind of made the right call?

Connor: The entire time. The entire time. And, you know, I feel like it wasn't even on set that that was validated because I think we had the acting down. I mean, I know this is about the acting, but, yeah, I think it felt validated just with the natural flow of things. We had such a natural flow that, you know, everyone talks about the chemistry, the chemistry, and that really starts by just trusting each other. I don't think people could have the sort of “onscreen chemistry” that Hudson and I have without genuinely, you know, embracing each other in real life and really feeling seen and heard and safe. So, yeah, that's when it felt validated and real to me.

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