fearful fascination; awestricken attraction

So it's been a minute. Life has been wild and it has been going FAST.

Long story short: I had open-heart surgery in September and I'm six weeks post-op!

Long story long: I had open-heart surgery in 1995 (just before my third birthday) and had seen a cardiologist until I was about 12. Then I guess I stopped and hadn't needed to go back. Fast forward to 2022, I started meeting with a cardiologist again because I needed clearance for anesthesia for the foot surgery that I had. At that time, we started routine echo(cardiogram)s, the first of which showed that I had some mild to moderate mitral valve regurgitation - the issue that I had my first surgery for. My cardiology told me that it was likely I'd need a valve repair at some point. He gave me the range of 5-20 years (what a nice, small range, huh? lol) We kept up to date and had echos every six months. In February of this year, my echos showed that the regurgitation went into the moderate range, no mild. Then in July, it went from moderate to severe.

Your girl had NO symptoms for what the echo was showing. According to the cardiologist, I should have been tired, short of breath, retaining water, and having palpitations. I had none of that. He was VERY surprised. With the results of that echo and my lack of symptoms, my cardiologist wanted to get a closer look at the valve to see what might be causing the regurgitation. I had a TEE (transesophageal echo) done on August 4th, which showed that my mitral valve had officially prolapsed. Now, when I went back for the TEE the cardiologist said that "if you see me after the TEE, then you'll know we found something major. If you don't see me, then it isn't something pressing." We (my mom and I) didn't see him. But, lo and behold, I get a call from his office a few hours later saying he wants to refer to me to a heart surgeon. I didn't have any information on WHY at that point. Was I just seeing him because I'd need surgery eventually? Was I seeing him because I needed surgery now? We didn't see the cardiologist, so I couldn't possibly need surgery NOW, right? Wrong 😂

With no information (results weren't ready-ready yet), I set up an appointment to see the surgeon on August 18th. It is on August 13th that I get the information that the valve prolapsed, but there wasn't any mention of needing the surgery right away/the recommendation for surgery. Fast forward to the August 18th appointment and the nurse walks in and immediately says "So, this is how heart surgery works!" And I'm there like... I didn't even know why the fuck I was here lmao I just thought it was a consult, a discussion, something. I was also told the surgeon would go over the detailed results of the TEE which he didn't so I was like ?? IDK WHAT'S HAPPENING. The surgeon comes in and explains the surgery. We set up CT and ultrasound scans for that same weekend. Then the surgeon says "Once we get the results of the scans back, I schedule about 2-3 weeks out." All of a sudden I went from a standard echo to having surgery in 2-3 weeks? The fuck? That same day, I get labs done. That weekend I get the scans. The scans will help determine if they can do minimally invasive surgery or if it will need to be a sternotomy.

About a week later, the surgeon calls and let's me know that I have too much scar tissue from my first surgery for the minimally invasive surgery. Open-heart surgery it is! His first opening...September 4th. Barely two weeks away from the phone call. I said no to that right away lol! Then we eventually landed on September 29th.

So, I officially had my second open-heart surgery at the end of September. They repaired my valve AND found a small hole that they patched up. I was in the hospital for 5 days, coming home on October 3rd. The first two weeks were AWFUL. Everything hurt, deep breaths sucked, and I couldn't even open my water bottle on my own because I didn't have tube strength. Sleep was not fun - thank God for Vicodin and the wedge pillow that reddit suggested. My mom borrowed us her recliner so I could sit somewhat comfortably. I didn't know how much I needed it until I had it. I sneezed at least once a day during the third week and it SUCKED. I felt like I was back at week one. But week four and five brought more comfort and almost-back-to-normal functioning.

plus your future in-laws thoughts on you!!!

𝗨𝗡𝗢 - 𝗗𝗢𝗦 - 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗦

𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗢 𝗖𝗛𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗘? from the left side to the right side. pick which picture is drowning you with, pulling you in. take a deep breath in and out and start to visualize all of the images above. trust your intuition and set aside your aesthetic preferences. enjoy and have fun! 🍀✨

⠀⠀ ⠀𐚁 ❪ヵめへ❫

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• reblogs for „ huggies

• 𝗨𝗡𝗢

i. your parents

your parents are quite worried about your well-being. they could sense the scheming mind lurking behind that self-control facade. they think you have a good judgment somehow a peacemaker in conflicts. they think you are quiet, smart and somehow aloof.

they think you are independent and have a strong nature. they think you would never be disappointed in this family and clan rather they are proud that you are cautious and make no mistakes so far although they love the part that you are finding ways to relieve your financial needs, they may not say it but i think you deserve to know this. they think you gonna bring a legacy and success to them, they can vision that among all.

perhaps, you may feel them being so supportive and telling you how much they love you but you can't feel the genuine affection nor connection with it. it's like, it's lacking. and you are seeking for more. a validation for freedom because your parents, they are the ones who i can see here that stoping you to achieve that "i wanna live alone" moment. despite not being a headache to them, they see you as a responsible person and they are kinda proud with that part.

ii. your in-laws

these people will think you are indeed have a good judgment, they noticed how you are someone who plays safe with its character and attitude. they think you are grounded and have a comfortable aura. although, some of them may not like you at first for your future partner but as time elapses they will love you than your future spouse, they gonna treat you as if you are the original part member of their family instead of your future person which will bring a childish jealousy and satisfaction to your future spouse's side.

although, sometimes your opinions and perspectives in life were annoying and irritating to hear. i think these people think of you as a very talkative individual and have a lot of knowledge to share perhaps you may find yourself shocked by that fact.

if you have a small height, they may find it cute and adorable if your future spouse has cousins and/or siblings they may tease you a lot because of that. you will find your comfort with these people.

i also think you bring brand new ideas in their mind and eyes while you bring imaginative taste inside of their mouths. if you are into cooking and baking they may find it a love of eternal loop whereas some of these people complaining to you that they're on a diet but they can't resist eating the foods you've cooked for them.

★ check the previous pac

• 𝗗𝗢𝗦

ii. your parents

you always surprise these people with your actions and words. for example, if they are struggling with money for the bills and foods the next day, you bring it to the table. perhaps, you may be an unplanned pregnancy or an unexpected child? for them you are an angel and their hope and savior.

otherwise, they think you are unique, someone who is different from your siblings and is someone who can bring anything at the table. they think you are resourceful and you know your responsibility, they love that. when you are not around, they always talk to each other how unpredictable you are. in their eyes you can be a star ⭐.

you are unexpected news that came into their life that turns out a favorable gift. they may not be vocal with their thoughts about you but once they did, they love to show you off to other people whether it's your achievements and winnings. they are your secretly number one fans. they think you are contented and happy-go-lucky individual despite them not meeting some of your needs. they admit to themselves they are lacking as parents towards you but you seems understand this situation.

they may feel sad too about not meeting all of your expectations. they think you are a funny child who likes to spend their day with their family. although, they are worried about your decision and what you are into, like if you are into divination, spirituality or astrological, they think it may effect you negatively.

ii. your in-laws

technically, they are kind of people who bravely show how much they don't like you for your person. they think, you are after your future spouse's money.

perhaps, you are fearless enough for any challenges that they may give in to you. they may think you are a lionhearted individual. they think you have a large family? some of them are timid when you are around. they think when you are mad, you are unstoppable and geez, they may even think you can kill any of them if you ever had an opportunity to reach a knife haha😂. you are really different from these people's perspectives. i think your feelings are detached with these people, it probably you and your future spouse live far away from them. they question you too a lot and then comparing you to others especially to some members of their family who reached great achievements.

most of them will enjoy your company but i don't know why this feminine energy in your person's, they literally don't like you no matter what you do. they won't like you and won't show any interest to get to know you.

★ check the previous pac

• 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗦

i. your parents

god, the diarrhea of harsh opinions these people have. they may think very highly of you but also prefer to sabotage you? it's like "you are good at art but i can draw better than you". i think in this lifetime, you achieve higher than your parents which makes them feel bitter and threatening. it's like at your age, they don't reach the things you've done which made them instead of uplifting and supporting your achievements they're the ones who's bringing you down.

i think your parents is very idolism of their beliefs, tradition and how they were raised as a child. no offense to your parents and their beliefs but they holding it and stuck with it. they may want and keep forcing you to do the same thing which you think wasn't your responsibility at all because you have your own ways. they may hate you for that and may be find it irritating. i think they always compares you to them which is ridiculous. these people think you are good and talented but somehow they lack of actions and words to show it, it's like they can't accept the fact you are doing well. perhaps, i sense that one of them — probably view you as someone know how to stand firm to your perspectives in life. i think your family is type of a clan where one decision and opinion is everyone else decision and opinion.

they think you got the potential but they likely shrug it off and ignore this fact. otherwise, they think you can break a generational curse especially with finances. they would think you are rebellious. they may be scared of you.

ii. your in-laws

i thought i would end this pile with a heavy energy luckily it's a no. you will find your comfort with these people. the changes with your future spouse's attitude and aspects are very clear. they think you bring changes in them. this person's mother or aunt, will literally love you and may treat you better than your future spouse, this person see their younger self in you, that's why. they think you are the best decisions that your spouse ever decide. you gonna deeply enjoy this people company, they will make you laugh non-stop.

they're gonna be interested in your backgrounds. i think these people have different beliefs and practices and backgrounds than you. they may also think you are amazing because you know more than two languages, i think you are bilingual. they may even want to learn your mother tongue language. with them, you are welcome with a wide arms open. if you have any problems with your spouse, you can rely on them. they won't judge you and will give you advices you deeply need in a certain situation. you will experience golden days with these people.

★ check the previous pac

˚⊱🍀⊰˚

jane, the bean fiend tarot reader

For our second May reading, we are looking at your person's love language. It is up to you if you use a person you know or if you want to channel your future partner. The reading includes:

Your person's love language (Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Receiving/Giving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation)

How they show their love to others

How they best receive love from others

Two key words/themes of their love language

There are four groups to choose from, each associated with a different Roman or Greek Goddess.

Group 1: Minerva

Group 2: Vesta

Group 3: Philotes

Group 4: Pasithea

Choose your group and see your reading below. Feel free to reblog or reply with your group choice and your own love language! My love language is words of affirmations <3

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