Rise, Fixate, Fall And Repeat

And did anyone else see that after learning that she earned TWO stars, Sydney goes to the kitchen, and rearranges how she tucks her pen - facing inward like Carmy? I can’t find a picture but it happens around the 34:26 mark in the series finale.

Carm out here talkin’ that he’s out - retired? Bitch, you started this. No one is saying you have to stay forever but aren’t they struggling to meet the deadline? A deadline you created?

I appreciate that Carm is trying to break patterns. It will be interesting to reflect on the patterns he broke, recreated, and created.

This is fucked. I’m on my first watch and this Carmy fussin’ isn’t the same man from the table.

UGH! I just had a thought that, depending on how this episode ends, will this be like a HIMYM? There was a set ending but the writers and such weren’t willing to pivot?

Athena. You are my one true goddess - out here staking your claim to some random woman you know is related to the foster (at this point) child Bobby has…

Bobby: Well, I wasn’t always like this. So shut down.

Hen: What happened, Captain?

Bobby: I made some mistakes and I lost everything I cared about. And I moved forward by never letting anybody get so important to me that I had to go through that kind of loss again. But apparently I’m not very good at it because you, Buck and Chimney have become that important to me.

Bobby: He just needs a little direction.

Chim: I’ll remind you of that after he gets you killed.

Bobby: They’re good people, good firefighters, and I ask everything of them. To offer up all of themselves. To trust that I can be in two places at once. […] In front, to lead them. And behind them, to always have their backs.

I wasn’t going to share it but I’m so grief stricken by the idea of watching his funeral tomorrow morning that it sent me back to reliving this dream. (Yes, I lucid dream every night so many details/sensations stick too hard. And yes, I remember crying in the dream and then I woke up hurt!)

Bobby was a nurse doing a 24hr shift. He was working with parents of a young boy who was their soon to be adopted son but blood issues = Bobby’s rare blood type that helps with rhesus disease. He was rushing about pushing for testing and his own blood draw.

Some fool trying to swim with a shark off the cove (yeah, the hospital was on a cove 🤷🏽‍♀️) and he gave them shark facts while dressing the wounds.

I can’t remember the exact nature of the other child’s injury but Bobby was sneaking in pudding.

A woman was scared to report abuse (the type of abuse didn’t stick but I remember Bobby’s underlying rage and utter compassion.)

The families get together to celebrate their loved one’s recovery with a dessert party in honor of Nurse Bobby. (Again 🤷🏽‍♀️) And then they hear that he died. The families didn’t believe it nor did I because it was as if he was paying his due - fulfilling trials to sustain him without knowing he was accruing points (?).

Bobby died barricading himself with an old mattress against some exit to an abandoned room.

And then something something something - the folks he saved were praising him and the 118 show up.

Eddie to me because I’m suddenly in the dream: Why are you crying? He’s gone.

Me: How do you know? You weren’t even there!

Shit got silent and then rumblings behind the mattress hazmat door.

I recall thinking that “He’s back!” I know in the TV show he isn’t back but yeah…that was my fever dream.