Nil

Would you hate me if I said I'm very very angry at you at times , sometimes ? I want to make you sit in one place and in complete stillness. I want to not a single breath of yours pass without my notice. Annoy you with a thousand silly and unwanted questions about yourself and study you from head to toe so I can finally quench my thrust of trying to know you. Sleep by your side and watch every bat your eyelashes until you're asleep. I want to be near you , within a touching distance of my hands so I can know that you're still in the realm of my reaching.

Everyone who supported me turned into an unrecognisable mass of words that I don't remember loving.

Grieving the death of a person when they are still alive certainly feels strange.

I know what I want. I am very aware of my desires. Like right now I want to stare at you , fixed , deep and blank . I expected more from you like you're a 10 year old who hasn't eaten his vegetables. Sometimes i want to pinch your nose and make you look at me forcefully. Almost like you're such an inattentive student in my class I have to teach how to read into my sadness. More often than not , I want to touch you simply , nothing sexual or intimate , simple touches that would make you more of a real person to me , more feasible and less imaginary. Most of the time , and in utmost intensity i want to exist , just exist in the same space as you. You in front of me would be the most magical thing ever. If i am ever able to see you. .....

I want to pretend that I am drowning in you ,

I want to be a fake pessimist

Let apocalypse come and swallow us both.