The Untitled Goof Project

He couldn’t blame Harrison for not wanting to be around him. He wished he could leave himself sometime too.

He struggled not to think of it as he made his way up the street. He needed comfort food, which in this case would be chocolate milk and cinnamon toast crunch, and with the way his tips had gone… that would be all he could afford anyway.

He reached for the door but before he could pull it open, someone shoved from the opposite side; snapping him square in the face with enough force to knock him on his ass. He hit the ground hard, whimpering both from the pain in his face and the pain racing up his spine from landing on his ass. His hand shot up to his face, his eyes watering as he sat there on the concrete.

Today could not possibly get any worse!

Max found himself grinning a bit ruefully. “Because it’s way more badass than saying I got hit in the face by a door because I was too up my own butt to be paying attention.” The small touch of amusement helped him relax slightly and he leaned back in the chair and pressed the cold bag against his throbbing face. “It’s all good, Barley. It could have been a lot worse than bruising.”

He felt himself tearing up when Barley had the cereal and milk. It was such a small thing but that was all he had wanted and it had felt so far out of reach until that moment. The momentary moisture behind his eyes vanished as the other boy tripped and caught himself before completely face planting on the tile floor. “I still do that. It was way worse when I was in school though. I was voted most likely to hurt myself because I tripped over my own two feet.” He gladly accepted the bowl and poured himself some cereal with chocolate milk.

“This is going to sound stupid but thank you so much. I did not have the best day and this was honestly all I wanted to make the day better.” He paused at that question and sighed deeply. “My boyfriend and I broke up. We’d been together for almost three years so… it hurts.” He ruffled his hair and worked up a small smile. “Hurts now but it will pass eventually right? And I’ll go back to feeling normal again.”

Barley scrunched up his face, “Is it more badass?” He asked, still smiling. “Sometimes there’s nowhere better to be than in your own head. Trust me, I know all about that.” After Max took the bowl, Barley slid into the seat in front of the other and propped his chin up on his hand, elbow on the table. “I still feel bad just lookin’ at ya.”

At the anecdote from Max’s youth, Barley laughed again. “I was voted most humorous, but if there was a clumsiest category, I’d’ve had it in the bag.” Apparently, they had similar backgrounds and traits, and Barley was surprised by how well Max was taking being hit in the face, and how gracious he was being for Barley simply trying to make it better.

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all. I’m glad I could help, even if it was after making it just a little bit worse.” He laughed then, shifting in his seat as his smile faded into a slight frown – that wouldn’t stay for long. “That sucks big time, man, I’m so sorry.” Barely didn’t exactly have the right words for these sorts of situations, but he reached out and pat Max on the shoulder, giving it a little squeeze at the end before his hand fell back into his own lap. “I can’t say with any certainty, but, I think, like all things, time will be the most healing. So, there’s probably not much I can do now, huh?” Barley was smiling again, looking at Max as the other happily ate his cereal. “Do you happen to like playing games, Max?”

“Ya know. It is what it is. I loved him but it would have been selfish of me to ask him to give up on his career. He worked so hard to get where he is and I wouldn’t want to be the reason he failed….” That was true but he wondered if he’d even missed him since leaving and it hurt him to think maybe he hadn’t. He shrugged. “Some things aren’t built to last. Maybe my next relationship will be.” He rocked back and thought about the question, momentarily wondering if he had stepped into some kind of Jigsaw saw trap before laughing it off. “I used to kill at mouse trap. What did you have in mind?”

Max smiled softly at that. “Public school is weird. You have to have certain things, wear certain clothes, act a certain way to be accepted. I might have. Even nice but I was awkward and weird and desperate to be accepted and that actually made me the black sheep. But little secret? It doesn’t matter now that I graduated. I’ve seen the people that weren’t all that nice to me and we get along pretty well. It’s like a cosmic joke.”

“You dance ballet?” max asked, genuinely surprised. “That is actually super cool. I should take some classes. The more types of dancing you can do during auditions the more chances you have at getting cast. Ballet and tap are on my list. It’s just been so hectic lately I haven’t had time to even think about that stuff.” He ruffled his hair, nose wrinkled in annoyance.

He was a bit surprised at the boy’s admittance to knowing a lot of science. “Not gonna lie dude…. That’s pretty impressive. I made it through physics and chemistry in high school and did basic bio in college basics but past that I was a mess, so good for you.” He cocked his head to the side as he sipped on his cider and crammed a handful of popcorn in his mouth after it. He chewed for a moment and then leaned back. “I know you say he’s a scientist but like… what of exactly? Is he focused on multiple things? Like what? This is actually pretty cool.”

The movie went on and he grinned. “Dude stop motion animation is so cool. Every time something moves in these kinds of movies it’s moved bit by bit by a person until they make a whole movie. I could totally make a list of them all. I used to be so freaking obsessed with it even though it can be incredibly off putting sometimes.” Max looked at him for a second and then grinned, shaking his head. “Nah. Us peasants have to do it ourselves. Some people put up fake trees which is okay but dad and I have always liked going to find our own tree, a real one, on our own. When your place is as small as mine is, it feels the whole place up with the smell of pine and we have Christmas ornaments I made when I was small to put on dad’s tree and whatever I found at the dollarama that I thought was cute for mine. It’s just… tradition at this point.”

-

Doug listened to Max, having no frame of reference for school other than private tutors and homeschooling. “At least you had your friends to get through it,” he replied, sounding a little envious even if he didn’t mean to. “But I guess it doesn’t matter, like you said. Do your friends still come around? PJ and Max?”

The younger boy lightened up when the conversation shifted to ballet. “I’ve been practicing ballet since I was five. It’s one of my guardian’s hobbies, and I loved it when he showed me,” Doug smiled fondly at the thought. It was one way that he had earned Charles’ undivided attention from the rest of the boys’. While the others fought over it, he took the less aggressive route in the things that Charles’ liked - only to genuinely fall in love with it himself. It was a healthy escape from him, while also having carry over into his athleticism. “I hope you do,” he said, a small shrug of his shoulders, “dancing is really therapeutic for me, but I haven’t done it in awhile.” It was harder to dance when he felt too much pressure on him. Even now, in his free time, he couldn’t help but worry that maybe he should have been doing something more productive than sit watching christmas movies. He could almost hear the impatient tapping of dress shoes on the wood floors of the manor.

Reflexively, Doug glanced at his watch to check on the time. 

“What?” He looked up when Max asked about what his guardian did research on, acting like he hadn’t heard the question when really he just needed to buy himself time to think. “Oh - well, there’s still a lot that the world hasn’t discovered or studied. He really prides himself on his exploration and finding the impossible. There’s a new species of bird that he found deep in the jungle - he found a fossil of it first, and now we’re trying to capture a living one so he can prove that it isn’t extinct,” he nodded his head once, like he was satisfied with how he had told the truth without going into great detail. “It’s just been really hard to catch. Have you ever tried to catch a pigeon before?” A clever mislead.

“Isn’t that also a fire hazard?” Doug asked, missing the point, “and messy?”

“Dude that’s really kinda amazing. I’ve seen how strong and agile those dancers are and I can’t imagine being that good at it.” As a good? Definitely. But as something serious? He was sure he wouldn’t be any good something that required poise and grace, two things he severely lacked in life.

At his explanation, Max nodded although something felt…. Off about that. “What does he do that hen he finds them?” Something about the image of poor creatures languishing in a cafe— or worse— made his stomach churn. Nobody deserved a life like that. Surely, Doug wasn’t so sheltered he could believe that something like that was ok… He shook himself out of it, giving Doug a look. “Um…. Never seriously,” he laughed. “I like running through them to scatter them.”

“It could be. But at least we aren’t putting candles on it like they did in the old days. Now THAT was a fire hazard.” He grinned “it’s a fun tradition. Messy and all.”

He laughed. “Or doing a really awesome skateboard trick,” he let the younger boy into the small apartment and brought all the snacks over and placed them on the battered little table he’d thrifted to use as a coffee table. “Well, I was the awkward dork so I wasn’t the most well liked. When you’re like me you’d latch onto the friends who really know you’re and keep your head down until you can graduate.” He settled down beside him on the sofa. “And honestly, it wasn’t…. As terrible as I made it out to be in hind sight. Just…. A very basic experience. You probably would have been incredibly popular though. Maybe you could have played football or something.”

He paused and cocked his head. “I mean, you were homeschooled right? What was that like…. And what are you doing now? If you aren’t going to school does that mean you have job? What do you do?” He realized that he didn’t have any idea what he did past the bare bones of things he told him.

Max laughed. “Sounds good to me. I have a lot of stuff queued up.” He pressed play and started the thirty minute little short and begged out for a minute and exhaled softly as he began to relax as he watched the little sheep get into his usual sheepy shenanigans. He started another movie and went to refill the treats and stretches himself out. “Hey, I’ll be putting my tree up next week. You can come get it with me or just stop by to help me decorate, if you wanna.”

-

“Seriously? People didn’t like you? That really surprises me, you’re so nice to me,” Douglas paused as he said it, remembering his conversation with the maid, Sophie, and comparing nice vs. compliancy; Max was definitely nice. There weren’t any conditions attached to their reason for being friends. That thought made him smile. “You think so?” He asked, speculating now on what high school might have been like if he had gone. The thought had him curious, but he shook his head as his imagination came up with his own hypothetical. “I don’t know, I’ve always been teacher’s pet. I’d probably be in your friend group. And I’d be in dance - I like ballet more than sports. That’s more up my brothers’ alleys.” 

 Douglas shifted a little, quiet for a moment when Max returned his questions with curiosity of his own. “Yeah, Charles taught me. I don’t know how traditional it was, but I know a lot of science, biology, anatomy, zoology and botany; since he’s a scientist so it just made sense for me to learn about those things when I was in the field with him. Anything he couldn’t teach me - or didn’t have time for - he’d hire someone to, usually when we were in cities, so it was a lot of crash courses - but I’ve always been a fast learner,” he explained, pausing to think for a moment when Max asked about what he did if he wasn’t in school anymore. “I mean - yeah, I help Charles. I have a knack for finding things that he’s looking for to study. So, yeah, that’s kind of what I do. I don’t have to worry about trying to survive on my own, so I’m very grateful for what he does for me.”

“You dance ballet?” max asked, genuinely surprised. “That is actually super cool. I should take some classes. The more types of dancing you can do during auditions the more chances you have at getting cast. Ballet and tap are on my list. It’s just been so hectic lately I haven’t had time to even think about that stuff.” He ruffled his hair, nose wrinkled in annoyance.

He was a bit surprised at the boy’s admittance to knowing a lot of science. “Not gonna lie dude…. That’s pretty impressive. I made it through physics and chemistry in high school and did basic bio in college basics but past that I was a mess, so good for you.” He cocked his head to the side as he sipped on his cider and crammed a handful of popcorn in his mouth after it. He chewed for a moment and then leaned back. “I know you say he’s a scientist but like… what of exactly? Is he focused on multiple things? Like what? This is actually pretty cool.”

He couldn’t blame Harrison for not wanting to be around him. He wished he could leave himself sometime too.

He struggled not to think of it as he made his way up the street. He needed comfort food, which in this case would be chocolate milk and cinnamon toast crunch, and with the way his tips had gone… that would be all he could afford anyway.

He reached for the door but before he could pull it open, someone shoved from the opposite side; snapping him square in the face with enough force to knock him on his ass. He hit the ground hard, whimpering both from the pain in his face and the pain racing up his spine from landing on his ass. His hand shot up to his face, his eyes watering as he sat there on the concrete.

Today could not possibly get any worse!

“Maybe I can lie and say I got it in a street fight,” he said, offering the joke to ease the situation and keep himself from crying. Never mind that Max had never been in a fight in his life and nobody would believe him if he said he had. “Damsel in distress type of thing…. If that’s not too PC to say….” He shrugged helplessly and shut up then, fully aware he was rambling at that point.

He let the man lead him across the street. He stupidly felt relieved that he was able to give control up at this point. He wasn’t doing a very good job for himself after all so it was nice to know that someone could help even if he hadn’t asked for it. “You don’t have to do that,” he said after a pause that lasted much too long. “I don’t want you to be hungry. I’ll go buy some chocolate milk and cereal when I leave.”

The ice pressed into Max’s face and he shivered, holding it against the part of his face that was throbbing with an incessant need to be acknowledged. “I… yeah. Just whatever’s easy. I don’t want to be a problem.” He mumbled, propping his elbow against the table. “It wasn’t your fault. If I’d been paying attention to something besides myself I’d have seen you coming and moved…”

--

“Why would you rather have been in a street fight?” Barley asked with a curious little smile as he shuffled through his cupboards, ready to be the best host and remembering – suddenly – he hadn’t even given the guy his name, nor had Barley gotten the other’s name. “Oh, by the way, my name is Barley. Barley Lightfoot, and I’m so, so sorry I smacked you in the face with the door.”

Barley turned back to the cupboards then, “Chocolate milk and cereal I have.” He flung open a cupboard and there were several boxes of sugary cereal. “If that’s what you want, please…. The least I can do is give the guy I gave a black eye a bowl of cereal.” He smiled nicely at Max then, already in the motions of grabbing the other guy a bowl when he nearly tripped over his feet. Catching himself, Barley laughed it off though the apples of his cheeks were a little pink. “See? I’m always doing stuff like that. Don’t blame yourself, it was entirely me.”

Righting himself once more, Barley got a bowl and a spoon out without even waiting for the other’s response. “You doing alright? Other than the black eye, I mean… something got you in your head?” Maybe it wasn’t Barley’s business, but he thought he could be a listening ear at least.

He felt himself tearing up when Barley had the cereal and milk. It was such a small thing but that was all he had wanted and it had felt so far out of reach until that moment. The momentary moisture behind his eyes vanished as the other boy tripped and caught himself before completely face planting on the tile floor. “I still do that. It was way worse when I was in school though. I was voted most likely to hurt myself because I tripped over my own two feet.” He gladly accepted the bowl and poured himself some cereal with chocolate milk.

“This is going to sound stupid but thank you so much. I did not have the best day and this was honestly all I wanted to make the day better.” He paused at that question and sighed deeply. “My boyfriend and I broke up. We’d been together for almost three years so… it hurts.” He ruffled his hair and worked up a small smile. “Hurts now but it will pass eventually right? And I’ll go back to feeling normal again.”

“You should have seen me in high school. If it wasn’t for Pj and Bobby having my back I don’t think I’d have survived.” He stepped aside to let the other boy into the room and closed the door behind him. “It feels shitty but hey. It happens.” He was just happy to have his company and distract himself from the depression trying to creep in on him.

“Yeah, of course. You actually picked a good time to call. I have a bunch of days off and I can’t think of a better way to spend the day.” He offered a smile and pointed to the tv. “We have access to Hulu, Netflix, Disney +, Tubi, and Amazon prime so we can watch all the Christmas movies. I made spiced cider because I know you have an allergy aaaand I have all sorts of snacks. So we should be all set for a holly jolly hood time.”

-

“I’m glad you did survive. What a lame way to be taken out. At least if you’re going to die, let it be something cool like jaguars or something,” Doug kidded - half kidded - he’d had his own brush with death with a jaguar chasing him once. “What is high school like?” He followed up with, curious about what school with other kids must have been like. “I was homeschooled. I bet regular school was a lot of fun.” Or at least, he thought so. He’d mostly just craved having kids around his age around.

“I don’t know what those are, so I’m going to suggest you pick what we watch. I probably haven’t seen it,” he said honestly, grinning from ear to ear at him when he remembered his allergy and had a clever substitute for traditional hot chocolate. The thoughtfulness was touching. “You’re the best, Max. I’m super glad to have you as a friend. I wish I had known you earlier.”

He paused and cocked his head. “I mean, you were homeschooled right? What was that like…. And what are you doing now? If you aren’t going to school does that mean you have job? What do you do?” He realized that he didn’t have any idea what he did past the bare bones of things he told him.

Max laughed. “Sounds good to me. I have a lot of stuff queued up.” He pressed play and started the thirty minute little short and begged out for a minute and exhaled softly as he began to relax as he watched the little sheep get into his usual sheepy shenanigans. He started another movie and went to refill the treats and stretches himself out. “Hey, I’ll be putting my tree up next week. You can come get it with me or just stop by to help me decorate, if you wanna.”

Max was more than a little relieved that he had some days off after he’d been smacked in the face. It would give the bruises time to heal and the swelling to go down and he could go back without having to. Explain that he was clumsy and hadn’t been watching what he was doing.

Of course, that left him alone with his own thoughts. He missed Harrison although he had to admit his reasoning for leaving was decent, honorable even. Still, he couldn’t help but feel that… whatever had happened on Halloween; he had no played a part in pushing him away.

If that was true, as he suspected it was, he would never forgive himself.

He was more than relieved to get a text from Doug. The boy was always full of surprises and he suspected that there was no way he could be sad if Doug was there. He told him to come over and prepared snacks. Hot cider, because he felt as if he remembered that Doug was allergic to chocolate, getting some snacks that fit the Christmas theme, and queuing up the Netflix full of Christmas movies, starting with a half hour Shawn the Sheep special that looked adorable.

When he opened the door for Doug, he stepped aside and let him in, pausing and ruffling his hair. “I…. Yeah I had a clumsy moment… someone opened the door and I wasn’t paying attention. He smacked me in the face and blacked my eye.” And bruised his tailbone but that was a little too embarrassing for him to admit to Doug. “Come on in though. I made snacks and have some movies picked out to watch.”

-

Doug frowned, starring at his friend with a puzzled expression and a slight tilt of his head. “A clumsy moment did that?” He asked, “I know you’re not the most coordinated but dang.” 

“Yeah, of course. You actually picked a good time to call. I have a bunch of days off and I can’t think of a better way to spend the day.” He offered a smile and pointed to the tv. “We have access to Hulu, Netflix, Disney +, Tubi, and Amazon prime so we can watch all the Christmas movies. I made spiced cider because I know you have an allergy aaaand I have all sorts of snacks. So we should be all set for a holly jolly hood time.”

It had taken Douglas a little while before he started to crave socializing again, feeling obligated to stay close to Charles to focus on whatever his mentor needed from him. He was more appreciative of everything he had, knowing how hard it would have been on his own and how wildly unprepared he was for it. His arguments about being an adult and wanting to be treated like one had become quietly silenced. He was brutally aware of the fact that he had no idea how to survive on his own - and that wasn’t Charles’ fault. 

As the chill of november set in, a stir of excitement started to build up in the young man, knowing that Christmas was coming. It was the one holiday of the year that he did celebrate, and for the first time, he had the freedom to explore the city and experience it for longer than a week while attached to Charles’ side. He was acquainted with a christmas tree, and presents - though the myth of Santa Claus had never been perpetuated. He knew were his presents came from - Charles, but some mythical, strange man in a red suit that invades people’s homes at night.

But Doug was eager to experience new things this year, especially with his new friends. When he’d started to relax and felt less obligated to do whatever Charles’ asked to make up for the inconvenience his disobedience had caused, Max was the first person he thought to text to hang out.

It wasn’t long after he’d gotten the text to come over that Doug grabbed his bag and sprinted in that direction. The back of his fingers drummed against the door, a smile spread across his face as he indulged in a slice of normalcy - but when the door swung open, his smile faded as he noticed the hard-to-miss bruises and cuts on his poor friend’s face. “Oh - Max, what happened to your face?” He asked, instinctively concerned. 

Of course, that left him alone with his own thoughts. He missed Harrison although he had to admit his reasoning for leaving was decent, honorable even. Still, he couldn’t help but feel that… whatever had happened on Halloween; he had no played a part in pushing him away.

If that was true, as he suspected it was, he would never forgive himself.

He was more than relieved to get a text from Doug. The boy was always full of surprises and he suspected that there was no way he could be sad if Doug was there. He told him to come over and prepared snacks. Hot cider, because he felt as if he remembered that Doug was allergic to chocolate, getting some snacks that fit the Christmas theme, and queuing up the Netflix full of Christmas movies, starting with a half hour Shawn the Sheep special that looked adorable.

When he opened the door for Doug, he stepped aside and let him in, pausing and ruffling his hair. “I…. Yeah I had a clumsy moment… someone opened the door and I wasn’t paying attention. He smacked me in the face and blacked my eye.” And bruised his tailbone but that was a little too embarrassing for him to admit to Doug. “Come on in though. I made snacks and have some movies picked out to watch.”

He couldn’t blame Harrison for not wanting to be around him. He wished he could leave himself sometime too.

He struggled not to think of it as he made his way up the street. He needed comfort food, which in this case would be chocolate milk and cinnamon toast crunch, and with the way his tips had gone… that would be all he could afford anyway.

He reached for the door but before he could pull it open, someone shoved from the opposite side; snapping him square in the face with enough force to knock him on his ass. He hit the ground hard, whimpering both from the pain in his face and the pain racing up his spine from landing on his ass. His hand shot up to his face, his eyes watering as he sat there on the concrete.

Today could not possibly get any worse!

Max was keeping it together decently until the person who’d caused the run in showed him kindness. While his face hurt like hell, that was what made his eyes start to water. All he had wanted was a chocolate milk and some cereal so he could go home, eat, and fall asleep watching Bojack but he wasn’t even allowed to have that.

His lip wobbled; dangerously close to tears, as he took the other man’s hand and let him pull him to his feet. He was fine. It was fine. Everything was FINE. He sniffled and let him look at his face and although he wanted to turn him down and go home… he didn’t.

“Yeah… yeah that would be nice actually,” he said, hating how small he sounded, laughing slightly. “You got me good, dude.”

---

Barley’s face crumpled a little when he saw that the other was about to start crying. That welling up in his eyes reminded Barley a little bit of his little brother and he was suddenly stricken with the idea that he would do anything to stop this guy from crying. “You’re going to have one helluva shiner, that’s for sure.” He offered with a bright grin that seemed to take up his entire face.

“You alright?” He asked once Max was standing, looking even closer to inspect the damage that was done. Barley was glad when the other man accepted his offer for some ice. “You can have half my sandwich, too!” He piped, grabbing Max by the elbow, just in case he got dizzy or lost balance, and leading him across the street to his apartment. He even helped the guy up the stairs before unlocking the door to his second floor apartment and leading Max inside.

Barley guided Max to a chair and went straight to his fridge, tossing his keys on the counter and setting the sandwich down beside them before popping open the freezer. “I’m really sorry, again -- I should’ve been looking out.” He said, pulling out a bag of frozen corn which he wrapped in a paper towel -- like his mom would -- before pressing it to Max’s face. “Hopefully I can at least make it a little better... you hungry? Like I said, I got this killer sandwich...” Among other things in his home, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the chocolate milk in the fridge.

He let the man lead him across the street. He stupidly felt relieved that he was able to give control up at this point. He wasn’t doing a very good job for himself after all so it was nice to know that someone could help even if he hadn’t asked for it. “You don’t have to do that,” he said after a pause that lasted much too long. “I don’t want you to be hungry. I’ll go buy some chocolate milk and cereal when I leave.”

The ice pressed into Max’s face and he shivered, holding it against the part of his face that was throbbing with an incessant need to be acknowledged. “I… yeah. Just whatever’s easy. I don’t want to be a problem.” He mumbled, propping his elbow against the table. “It wasn’t your fault. If I’d been paying attention to something besides myself I’d have seen you coming and moved…”