The Unofficial Guide to Jewbearianism

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest

gotta be funny so girls forget about my teenie weenie

I wouldn’t reblog this normally (my dick is huge and not small), but I really relate to the idea of making up for all of my other, admitally small flaws, with humor

nice try tony but we all know the truth. tony is only one letter away from tiny…….

it’s also 32 letters away from try shutting the hell up motherfucker

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair Like no Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies of the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

I’m the crush u look at closely and realize he kinda ugly

Free market to the rescue

God bless the free market

HE DID THAT

Fucking QUEEN

i almost scrolled past this, like some kind of idiot