Notes From Inside The Closet

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I think Im asexual

Judy Seoud

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I came out in the year of 2015 to my brother, he said "I won't believe you until you tell mom and dad," and he almost outed me to them. I was scared for a very long time to tell my parents. I took baby steps. First I told the people I know could keep it a secret. I told my best friend (she came out way before I did) and she said "I know," and apparently it was like super obvious that I was gay. Then I told my other siblings that I knew I could trust (two of my sisters). And then the day came. When I completely left the closet and told my parents, they told me to go back in. Because in their words "We don't want you to get hurt," but I know why they said that. My sister Kaitlin had a lesbian phase while in high school. Needless to say, I didn't go back in. I wanted to shout it out to the world. Coming out of the closet is a choice but it was honestly the best choice I've ever made. I felt as if a burden was lifted off of my shoulders. That I could finally be me. In the month of April, 2016, my nephew was just born this year. And I love him so much. While I was holding him, my mother said one thing "How are you going to have children?" I've always wanted children. My mom saying that... I felt happy. I knew that she completely accepted me by that moment. It was absolutely amazing. I'm proud to be a part of the LGBTTQQIAAP+ community.

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There's something I'd like to ask you... Why? Why do you twist your opinions, your acceptance, your love? When she told you "I like a girl at school." you replied with "Oh that's wonderful sweetie!" So why is it that when I finally had the courage to ask your beautiful daughter to go on a date, you suddenly turn your back on her and say "No! That is not normal, not natural, not real!" Why was it that you supported her then, but not now, when she needs you most? She was brave enough to tell you who she truly is, who she truly loves... And you said "No. Not in my house, not under my roof you won't." I cannot fathom the ignorance it takes to be so indecisive and hateful at the same time. So, again, I ask you: Why?

My coming out letter to my parents.

I came out to my siblings first, my sister said she kinda knew and has been totally fine with it for a year and a half, my brother was indifferent and hasn't talked to me about it since. Two years later I came out to my parents and that didn't go as well. My dad is a pastor, he said he had an idea but wasn't happy, my mother actually was disgusted and it was horrible. My sister got mad at me and has stopped supporting me. I haven't told anyone else, my family is very religious and very conservative, it sucks honestly. I know that when I tell everyone else they will stop talking to me, they will pretend I don't exist or even worse insult me or bully me. I will have few supporters from both sides of my extended family. There are only a handful of people that I know will be there after the smoke has cleared, and I am so terrified....not sure