As Any Night

me: we have… a Problem

Depression does not always mean Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity Or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye Sometimes depression means Not getting out of bed for three days Because your feet refuse to believe That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor Sometimes depression means That summoning the willpower To go downstairs and do the laundry Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week Sometimes depression means Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours Because you cannot convince your body That it is capable of movement Sometimes depression means Not being able to write for weeks Because the only words you have to offer the world Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying Sometimes depression means That every single bone in your body aches But you have to keep going through the motions Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed Sometimes depression means Ignoring every phone call for an entire month Because yes, they have the right number But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore

The Rules of Social Anxiety 1. Walk with eyes fixed on the ground They are watching, laughing, judging Walk normal Don’t focus on it too much or you will stumble and be made a fool of 2. Look like you are writing and busy in class avoid being called on you know the answer but what if you stutter or mumble What if they tell you “speak up I can’t hear you” 3. Don’t make a noise hold in that cough that sneeze that breathe people will hear you do not draw attention to yourself like that 4. Spend time every night before you go to bed to think Think about all the embarrassing things you have ever done Everyone remembers, that’s all they remember 5. Never enter a room full of people They all look Why are you here? Why are you alive? 6. Your friends all secretly hate you you know why they didn’t reply to your text you know how they all dread seeing you you are only put up with because of pity 7. Always be scared Scared to sit next to a stranger Scared to see someone you know Scared to eat in front of people Scared to talk on the phone Scared to go to social events Scared to order at a restaurant Scared to talk Scared to have a panic attack Scared to be noticed Always scared but don’t worry, you don’t like people anyway, at least that’s what you say, you’re “antisocial” You don’t even care what they think, people are annoying, that’s what you tell them. You play it off as a joke but really you’re always scared.