maybe I'm not here

im doomed im fucking doomed and the only solution to it traumatizes everyone ive ever loved and its HER FUCKING FAULT its HER FAULT IM HERE i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you you stupid fucking cunt you let that monster knock you up at 37 because you were a druggie fucking loser and he was a druggie fucking loser and you didn't have any better idea than keeping his fucking cum as a pet when you couldn't take care of it because of this godforsaken mental illness you passed along to me your worthless fucking offspring and when you crumbled under the pressure of raising your mirror image you let me go to him the fucking demon that haunts my dreams the one that beat and/or raped every woman that spent enough time with him and i got it worse than the whole fucking lot of them because i was yours and he hated what you turned me into he hated you so much he turned me in to the thought police who beat and raped and trafficked me more than he did because of the crime of being genderfuck the crime of being a fucking faggot in god's world. he made me like this he made me like YOU and he and you and everyone the fuck else did nothing to save me from the hell you FUCKERS put me into i hate you all i hate myself why cant i just be normal!!!!!! why did i have to be born i fucking hate this i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you you fuckign cunt you're the reason im here and nothing could ever make me forgive you for doing that for failing so badly i am the consequences of your actions the consequences you always abandon there's nothing for me here but abject FUCKING misery and its YOU ITS ALWAYS BEEN YOU ITS YOUR FAULT THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME HERE AND YOU MADE E FUCKIGN EXIST ANYWAY WHY

WHY.

i wish you fucking died in that accident when i was 16

i wish i fucking died at twelve when i last tried

i wish i didn't tell anyone i took all those pills fourteen fucking years ago i would not have to live with the fact YOU made me this, you made me live like this you agve this to me you passed this fuckshit on to me it's you its your fault WHY DID YOU MAKE ME YOU FUCKING BITCH WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME I HATE YOU IVE ALWAYS HATED YOU THERES NOTHING FOR ME HERE MY EXISTENCE IS A SIN AND SO IS YOURS.

if god had pity or mercy we'd both be in hell right now

if god had pity or mercy neitehr of us would have ever existed in the first place