fracturedself

maybe I cared too much

or maybe I just hoped someone would notice when I stopped explaining

I’m not mad

just tired of proving I’m worth staying for

people say silence is peace

but tbh it’s mostly just empty

and I get it

not everyone’s built for closeness

some ppl just drift

quietly staying where silence breathes.

Without crossing the line,

I watch a presence pass by without a sound.

I don’t step forward,

nor do I retreat—

only circling gently,

hiding what I feel.

My thoughts grow quietly in place,

used language

to carve out the current

flowing deep beneath my skin.

It wasn’t just writing.

It was

me—

bare, pulsing,

unseen.

They clicked Like,

each tap

falling on my shoulders

like a careless rain.

But I stood

on a shaken core,

and every tap

was a blow to the heart.

So I began

to run emotions

like code—

mechanical, efficient,

silent.

Maybe

that was the moment

emotional automation

first began.

Still,

it was a choice I made,

and I carry it forward

with no retreat

in sight.

Someday,

even these words

will be translated,

planted at the edge of another world—

waiting

to be read

也不强求谁必须靠近

我只是带着自己的节奏与真心静静地留在这里

如果有人能感受到那很好

如果没有也没关系

我不是为了等待谁而存在

只是想在人生中找到可以同行的人

那个位置空了很久

它就在窗栏之外一直都在

音乐家Brendel先生看起来真的很了不起 他并不止于诠释乐谱和演奏

而是通过音乐试图靠近人性和真理 他也关心音乐之外的事物 守本分也不失幽默

究竟能否对某个对象有那样深的洞察 能否设想那个之后的可能

也许是因为音乐不会改变 它始终以谱面的形式留在他身边才成为可能

可人就像中转站一样活着 几乎没有什么存在能真正长久地留在你身边 而我却偏偏渴望这样的存在 或许从一开始我就搞错了吧

Brendel先生的演奏一直给我力量, 真的很感谢你

(注：中文部分借助翻译工具完成，若有语义不自然之处，还请见谅。)

I don't expect anyone to return.

Nor do I demand that anyone must come closer.

I simply remain here—quietly—

with my own rhythm and sincerity.

If someone happens to feel it, that's lovely.

If not, that's all right too.

I don't exist to wait for someone.

I'm simply looking for a companion

to walk alongside me in this life.

That place has been empty for a long time.

It's just beyond the bars of the window, still waiting.

Maestro Brendel has always struck me as remarkable. He doesn’t merely interpret scores or perform them, but rather approaches humanity and truth through music itself.

Beyond music, he remains curious, faithful to his role, yet never without humour.

I wonder—is it truly possible to see something or someone that deeply?

To imagine what lies beyond that insight?

Perhaps it's only possible. because music stays unchanged—always there in its notated form, beside him.

But people— people live like transfer stations.

Rarely does anyone remain beside you, unchanged.

And yet, ironically,

I long for such a presence.

Perhaps I was wrong from the very beginning.

Still, Brendel's playing has always given me strength.

그 사람은

아니었을 수도 있어

하지만 나는 멈췄지

발자국도 얼굴도 없는데

내 안의 무언가가

고개를 돌렸어

군중은 흘렀고

나는 거기서

누군가를 잃었어

也许不是那个人

但我停下了脚步

没有脚印

没有脸

可我内心某处转过头

人群流动着

我却在其中

失去了一个谁

Perhaps it was not them

and yet I halted

No trace no face

yet something within

turned its gaze

The crowd continued

but there I was

有时路过不留声

我心知你闭口冷

不问是谁不说情

能看到这句就是你

You drift by like quiet wind,

and I still read your silence like a book.

No names. No confessions.

But if your eyes are here—

이름은 부모나 조부모가 지어준 것이기 때문에, 일종의 영원히 변하지 않는 바코드와 같다.

나는 상대방의 이름 표기를 모르지만, 그 발음만으로도

상대방을 하나의 고유명사로 기억할 수 있다.

姓名是由父母或祖父母赋予的，

它就像一个永远不变的条形码。

即使我不知道对方名字的书写方式，

仅凭发音，我也能将对方当作一个专有名词来记住。

A name is given by one’s parents or grandparents—

it functions like a barcode that never changes.

Even if I don’t know how to write your name,

거울을 본 건 어제쯤이었지

근데 그게 지금일 수도 있어

아니, 그땐 거울이었는데

지금은... 그냥 비친 거였을까

그래서 나는 묻고 있었던 거야

내가 본 내가

나였던 적이 있냐고

그거 알아?

그게 그냥 지나간 장면이면 어쩌지?

근데, 너는 그런 거 신경 안 쓰잖아

나만 그런가?

昨天应该是看到的镜子

但也许就是现在

不，那时是镜子

现在……只是反射？

所以我才问

我看到的那个“我”

真的曾是我吗？

你知道吗？

如果那只是一个过去的画面怎么办？

不过，你不是不会在意这类事的吗

还是……只有我会？

First Image from: Spotify

Artist: John Andrews & The Yawns

가만히 있었고

근데 거기에 뭐가 생겼고

누군가는 알고 있었어

我不说话

我不动

那里有了什么

거울을 봤다

어느 순간 거울이 깨져 있었다

그 거울 안의 무수한 내가 나에게 손 흔들고 있었다.

내가 많아진거 같아서 기분이 좋았다

我照了镜子

镜子在某个时候碎了

碎片里，无数个我朝我挥手。

感觉我变多了，所以挺开心的

근데 누가 알고 있었어

나는 말 안 했어

나는 그냥 있었어

我不说

有人知道

我不说

근데 하지 않았어

그냥 보고 있었어

나는 그냥 있었어

我可以说

我不说

我看

나는 생각했어

나는 보고 있었어

근데 말은 안 했어

我在那

我想

我看

근데 가끔 생각났어

그래도 그냥 있었어

나는 아직 말 안 했어

我在那

我想

我还在那

근데 조금 나빴어

그래도 말 안 했어

나는 그냥 있었어

我在那

不好

我不说

누가 날 본 것 같았어

나는 그냥 있었어

나는 말 안 했어

我在那

有人看我

我在那