mattheo riddle. a concoction of every terrible, addictive thing you could think of. a drug to your susceptible mind. the one person who ruined everything by giving you such happiness.

it all started back in the summer before 7th year. of course, most teenagers flee to the coast during the warmer summer months, a desperate attempt to absorb as much sun as possible before having to return to scotland's less than scorching weather for yet another year of classes at hogwarts. you were no different, and it seemed mattheo wasn't, either.

—

salty ocean air filled your nose as his lips met yours, a desperate action to be close to each other. he blindly searched for the rusty door handle of his hotel room behind you, wanting to get you out of the hall and into his bed as quickly as possible. sure, you’d had a couple of heated make-outs before, but nothing like this. it had never gotten to this point.

quickly pulling you down onto his sheets, he let his hand wander, beelining towards the plush of your ass, your hands searching through the chocolate curls atop his head.

“you sure you want this?” he whispered into your ear, planting sloppy kisses along your neck, his breath loud and heavy next to you, “i mean it. are you sure?”

you let your head fall back into the pale pillow, a place to rest whilst you tried to understand all of the new sensations pumping through you like blood from your heart, giving yourself a second to think.

“i’ve never done this before, matty,” you replied, your tone timid and weak compared to the rough husking of his voice swirling around your head, a constant memory of the boy you knew you’d never get over.

“it’s fine. you trust me, yeah?” mattheo pulled away for a moment, wanting to check before going any further with you.

“i want this,” you nodded, giving him all the reassurance he needed, prompting him to continue his journey down your body with the knowledge that you wanted to do this with him. you trusted him with something as fragile as your purity. that made him feel fucking insane.

his dark eyes took in the sight of you sprawled out across the white hotel bed, your soft lips and innocent eyes, your hair forming a halo around your head. his angel.

—

“red or white?” you smiled up at mattheo, your eyes darting to the bottle of wine in his hands as he handed it to you with a small shrug.

the two of you had decided to have a little picnic by the beach, a day to relax together as if that wasn’t what you did every day, anyway.

“not a clue,” he huffed, sitting down on the blanket you had set out on the sand, his hand instantly going for some cheese and crackers.

you slapped his hand away, a small pout on your face as he met your gaze, having absolutely no clue what you were stopping him for.

“wow, this looks fantastic! this is so good! thank you so much for getting all the food!” you mocked quietly, rolling your eyes. no matter how hard you tried to appear annoyed, you couldn’t hide the small smirk that crept its way onto your lips.

“oh, shut up,” he chuckled, tugging his shirt off and tossing it to the side, shaking his head, “thank you for putting it together. it looks really nice. you’re really nice, angel,” he added, his words playful, yet still a genuine thank you.

you poured each of you a glass of wine, laying down next to him, both of you on your stomachs, as he began to absolutely demolish the small buffet on the picnic blanket, your fingers lightly ghosting over his back. you couldn’t help but trace your own name, an invisible claim on the boy you adored more than anything.

“what are you doing?” he huffed quietly, turning his head to look directly at you and the way that a pink blush quickly spread across your cheeks as you got caught, your fingers pulling away, “i didn’t tell you to stop. i asked you what you were doing.”

“just… enjoying the moment,” you shrugged, shuffling close to him in an attempt to brush off the way you got flustered at his words.

his arm snuck around you almost instinctively, his lips planting a small kiss buried deep in your hair. a secret. a mark so important to you, but invisible to everyone else.

“i’m enjoying it, too,” he mumbled in reply, his free hand covering his mouth to hide all the food he’d shoved in it.

—

mattheo walked along the side of the road, watching the white-rimmed waves roll over on each other, bored of having nobody to speak to when you weren’t there.

he looked to the left as a car rolled around the corner, his head tilted slightly. he knew those sunglasses.

“no way,” he huffed, his jaw dropping as the car stopped next to him, “no fucking way. you passed?”

you looked up at him with a wide grin, absolutely ecstatic that you had not only taken your driving test whilst on holiday, but had passed, meaning you could drive anywhere you wanted. mattheo had already passed his a couple months before, so you’d been using him as your personal chauffeur for your time together, but you could finally go wherever you wanted on your own.

“get in, then,” you rolled your eyes playfully, nodding to the passenger seat of the convertible as he quickly made his way around to the other side, seeming just as excited as you were.

mattheo’s arms wrapped around you, pulling your head close to his chest as he smiled down at you.

“i’m so fucking proud of you, angel,” he muttered, planting wet kisses on your cheek, holding you tighter than ever before, “we should go out to celebrate. that italian behind the mall that you like? i’ll pay.”

you nodded, not wanting to turn down an opportunity to do anything with him, especially when you were already in such a good mood.

you drove to the restaurant, a regular place the pair of you went together since it was so small and intimate, yet never felt overcrowded.

—

you both got your meals and began eating, laughing and joking as normal, casually celebrating you passing your test.

“mattheo?” a girl’s voice came from behind you, his eyes immediately hardening as he glared up at whoever it was, “where’s-”

“don’t,” mattheo cut her off with a warning, your head craning around to see who it was.

pansy parkinson.

pansy was a fellow slytherin girl in your year; you knew her a little due to sharing some classes, but you were nowhere near being friends.

pansy just glanced between the two of you, her jaw slightly dropping further and further until she caught herself, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

“you’re fucked up, mattheo riddle,” she hissed as she walked past your table and out of the door, seeming not only shocked, but angry.

you turned your head back to the boy, your brows furrowing in confusion. it seemed that mattheo and pansy had a silent understanding of whatever it was they were talking about, and you were not part of it.

“what was she talking about?” you asked, but he completely ignored you, slamming his drink onto the table and walking out of the restaurant, leaving you even more bewildered.

you watched through the front window of the restaurant, watched them argue and shout at each other about something. it seemed as if pansy was calling him out for something, but you couldn’t think of what he could’ve done. sure, he was a bit of a troublemaker, but why would it affect pansy?

after a couple minutes, mattheo walked back into the restaurant, seeking incredibly annoyed about whatever the situation was.

“what was she talking about?” you repeated, your head tilting with not only confusion but concern.

“nothing, oh my fucking god,” he spat back, before checking himself on the way he was speaking to you, “sorry. it’s just… it’s nothing. it’s not going to ruin today. this is about celebrating you, not wasting time on whatever pansy parkinson has to say.”

you nodded and continued with your meal, though couldn’t help but feel there was more to it than he was letting on.

—

after the summer, you returned to hogwarts for your final year, everyone talking about their breaks incessantly. the issue was that mattheo had told you not to tell anyone about your involvement with him.

“let’s keep this as much of a secret as we possibly can, okay?” he’d muttered to you as you laid next to each other in bed, your head on his stomach and your body between his legs.

“why?” you’d asked, completely oblivious to why he wouldn’t want to share your feelings for each other with your friends and be happy in public, but he’d just shut you down every time it came up.

“i wanna keep this private, angel. there’s no need to have everyone else involved in whatever it is that we’re doing.”

if only you knew.

you’d spent the first week confined to your dorm, cancelling every plan anyone tried to make with you to wait for a single call or text from him, but nothing ever came. the second you got back to school, mattheo ghosted you.

—

you were sitting in your defence against the dark arts class, occasionally catching mattheo’s gaze every now and then. you’d always give him a small smile, but he would just look away or glance at you with a vague, unidentifiable expression. he showed no hint of compassion or knowledge of you in public past the odd conversation about the work you were doing in class when one of you were a bit lost and nobody else was willing to help. that had only happened once or twice. it was frustrating.

a small tap on the shoulder caused you to turn around, a girl sitting behind you with a sour expression on her face.

“did you fuck daphne’s boyfriend?” she spat, glaring at you with a look that could kill.

your cheeks instantly grew a little red. you’d only ever done anything with mattheo. who was daphne’s boyfriend?

“who?” you replied, your brows furrowing in pure confusion.

“don’t be fucking stupid,” the girl hissed, rolling her eyes, “mattheo riddle, daphne’s boyfriend.”

that one comment, that one single question seemed to bring the whole world to a stop.

you quickly asked your professor if you could go to toilet, a chance to escape the room that seemed to be clawing at your skin, ripping it raw. your eyes began to burn, a dangerous waterfall of tears threatening to spill down your face.

quickly rushing off, you brought a little attention to yourself, though it wouldn’t surprise you if everyone knew what it was about. pansy must’ve told them. it hurt more that he didn’t tell you.

it seemed that mattheo noticed, because, only seconds after you entered the prefect bathroom, he came rushing in after you, immediately trying to pull you into his chest, but you resisted.

“how could you do this to me?” you whispered, unable to stop yourself from crying as you looked up at him, “how could you do that to her? you’re… god, i should’ve listened when people said that you were out of control. this isn’t right, mattheo. you lied to me!”

he just stood there, seeming completely and utterly unbothered by your meltdown and rambling, his head tilting slightly.

“out of control? who told you that?” he scoffed quietly, rolling his eyes. it shocked you that the one comment he chose to pay any attention to was the one that was purely about him as a person, and not your words about how he affected everyone else.

“everyone, mattheo, everyone says it,” you huffed out, letting out a breath of shock at how he brushed it all off, “everyone always talks about the troublemaker that can’t keep himself away from a fight and can’t be nice to people. god, i thought they were so wrong. i thought that i had been the way to find a good side of you, but it wasn’t even real.”

he screwed up his face slightly at your words, but didn’t say anything, leaning against the wall as he mindlessly picking at his nails and giving you no attention whatsoever.

“i was so scared, y’know that?” you whispered, your voice quiet and soft now, your eyes pleading, begging with him to hear you out, “you were ignoring me. i thought i’d lost you and it turns out that you weren’t even mine to lose. do you even know how much that hurts? you could’ve told me, at least. yeah, i would’ve been upset, but at least you would’ve been honest,” you continued, watching his eyes flick up to you.

“it was just a summer fling, angel,” he muttered, realising that you weren’t going to stop crying. with that, he walked out of the bathroom, leaving you stranded with your own thoughts. your own reflection.