ermm can you put that in #vent please

i think if i were ever held close and gentle and just told sweet niceys things but like in the comfort way for once instead of the sex way i think id like. sob and throw up and kill myself. or something idrk

ok well he keeps bothering me abt trimming fhe weeds and im already being a waste of oxygen so i might as welm contribute Something at least. gos id rather die tho. do u think itll help my productivity if j hit myself with the whacker. how severe is it anyway. im okay with copious amounts of blood but not so much that id need to be hospitalized. thatd cost too much and i dont wanna die

i dot even wanna be alive rn. like its not a big deal im not gonna kill myself or anything. but just ughh. what am i even doing with my life. does anyone even like me like. in general. idk. or maybe im just a bad person for thinking that way when i Know ppl Do like me. idk. i dont even care. im just tired. im tired and i wanna go home. but i am home. so theres not rly anywhere else to be going. whatever rly

google dot com how to be a better person

i wanna ask in the server like which of my ocs i should change the body type of but if i do then it might be obvious that im only doing it as like virtue signalling or whatever and theyre gonna notice that seeing others have bear ocs somehow makes me obsess over whether IM doing enough and theyll probs like judge me which ofc they should n all ,, also if im ever hesitant to change ANY characters body type AT ALL then thats gonna seal the deal that im DEFINITELY a terrible person and rly gross abt other people having different bodies from the ideal n everything ,,

it FEELS like it counts as spiraling cuz my heart's beating kinda hard rn lol but i knoww it's not because it could be so much worse than it is rn ykkk ,, bleaghh

i wish i had ocd cuz like. whenever i think to myself something like "oh wow i'm a bad person because twinks are my type rather than bears being my type i should cut myself even though i don't want to. just as punishment for being a fucking nazi" and then i immediately think to myself like "no that's stupid. you try your best to treat people of all body types with the same respect. and you're still willing to draw characters of varying body types, not just your favorite, even if the subject is more on the raunchy end. all emotions are always, and always will be, inherently neutral in morality, no matter what; the important thing is how you treat others. besides, attraction is not activism. you are probably doing better than a handful out there who DO have that preference." and then i feel better and it's like. man come ON. i don't need that. i could've been so close to punishing myself for my feelings and now you gotta screw things up. "omgg it's ok to like basic ass bishie men that everyone treats better than minority characters 🥺" MAN shut UP. what i DESERVE is to be so utterly and unfathomably convinced that i deserve to suffer that i go ahead and damage myself. maybe if i even go as far as to cut myself every time i find myself finding a conventionally attractive character hot, so that hopefully i train myself out of it and have BETTER opinions. but nOooOOoO i have to be "healthy" even though it makes me like fucking disgusting and cringe. god. like idk is there some way i can undo this??? find a way to make myself genuinely convinced i need to hurt myself as punishment??? or... am i just being a desperate attention seeker for even complaining about this??? "waa waa waa not everything is about me 🥺" GIRL shut UUUP!!! like actually for feeling bad about that you DO deserve punishment. cuz nobody gaf!!! you're not oppressed here!!! but the worst part is i can't even find it in me to hurt myself for THAT either. even though it IS deserved NOW that i'm making up all this whiny bullshit??? like idkk OMG it would just be so much fucking easier if i was a NORMAL mentally ill person and just tried to keep my pain secret like everybody else. but instead of experiencing The Horrors and saying it's fine, i just experience one mild inconvenience and suddenly i need everyone in the universe to comfort me. like ew. so GENUINELY is there a way i can get myself to mentally decline somehow, like if i'm gonna be a drama queen i should AT LEAST be an active threat to myself yk? like if i'm an active threat to myself then it's still a concern even if it's petty. but if i'm whiny AND i'm safe, then i'm just like, a bad person??? yk??? which makes me deserve life even less, and etc etc etc... so yeah if you have any advice for making myself more likely to induce self-discipline via self-harm when deserved that'd be greattt thanksss

uuueghh now i feel sick. and like. just. something so visceral in the worst way possible. the thing this so-called "dog resort" did was incredibly fucked up, just. hearing what they did. how they treated the incident. how that body was left and everything... worst of all, i dared to watch the whole recording of the owner's breaking down and screaming about it... all just because i was curious because there's some controversy saying he was "overreacting" somehow??? but tiktokers will say anything, i don't even have it in me to be mad about that right now. not even a single tinge of anger because all i can feel is just. dread and illness. i probably should've stayed curious. i mean, i'll be fine in a few hours, just... christ. if you DESPERATELY want to know the context, idk, the name of the resort was "camp canine" you can look into it yourself. but it's really fucking upsetting, i'm not posting here to draw attention to it. i'm posting here to vent because like. jesus fuck it's actually unhinged how fucked up this world can be for no reason at all. idk. everything combined all at once, it's just all getting to me. bleagh. i think i need to find. Something way more pleasant and lighthearted. idk what would help though exactly. i'm just. jesus fuck that is so horrid it's making me want to cry too even. uagh