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@noplaceb0y

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tired of posting or writing, i hate everything i used to love, kinda done with everything

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12/11/2026
How many times has it been? Honestly i can't recall, it was a burden i never wanted since i was young, just dismissal and scorn, A curse i've carried all throughout my life, it takes away my sanity yet somehow gives me delight it brings me agony every single day so much suffering all because of a bitch your demands irritate me, insensitive i'd say so much hunger in my stomach i hope it's just worms, so much blood on the ground it's your fault, forever your filthy soul i'm so so unclean Everything that happens i always end up to blame, deep inside i feel like something's wrong with me, i should have realized it long ago, the fault was always by the one who stood by me.
negligence and psychopathy since childhood emotional abuse i've had since i was just a kid only traumas and traumas stuck in my memory i'll stay quiet after all, that was once my hope Where are you going? i think we're going too far i got used to having effective control over ur life that satisfied me.
lowk kms tonight xDD im too tired to even think im so tired of everybody i dont want to be alive and if i ever hurt anybody by my death, im sorry i tried, i dont even know what the fuck to do im never going to be free.
i need a lot of fucking papers to change my name for fucks sake just let me change it already i dont want to keep living im annoyed and everyone around me always keeps buzzing me and annoying me all fucking day 24/7 IM TIRED just leave me the fuck alone for once i cant keep up, why do i gotta babysit others? why instead of just leaving everything already why do i stay? i cant with my mental health but i have to take care of her, ig thats my fucking job and worst of it all is that im obsessed with her so even so i cant even fucking leave because without her im barely alive, im TIRED holy shit
its completely my fault for being like this XDD i shouldve js committed when i could, when nothing held me back but as much i care abt her i cant do it, she would die probably or maybe its just me, is it codependency both ways? or is it me the dependant one, the one who would die without her, im so fucking fed up i wish she was fully dependant on me, or she is?
idk and im tired, i want to die but i want her too and if everything its on my mind its my mistake if she aint dependant on me i would js commit "unhealthy relationship" STFU i just want HER to be OBSESSED with ME, after EVERYTHING i do for her, reassuring, caring and loving her, i cant she keeps saying shes gonna kill herself every FUCKING day, im so fucking tired like I DO TOO i do everything she says and i give her everythin for what? what if she isnt even dependant on me all that for fucking nothing? im so fucking tired
i just want her to only need me and only me it pisses me off sm when she talks to others like atp just ask THEM for attention not mine maybe im js toxic, full control of her doesnt sound at all bad but idfk im just tired thats all.
Diagnosed with fucking ADHD WTF XD??? istg i dont have fucking adhd and yet diagnosed im actually going to end it, they js diagnose me and put me on pills, no help whatsoever just pills genuienly im ending it after i change my name so in my grave itll be engraved.
nothing is fucking real and what do i get? adhd fucking nice W psychologist im just gonna end it and now i wait knowing my end anxiously tomorrow or in some months its the fucking end

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Change my name leave my past behind and die probably thats the future i'll have and yet everyone will forever expect more of me nothing is enough for them.
the only thing i've ever wanted was to be normal always got treated like i was an outkast did i deserve to be alone? did i deserve to suffer?
grew emotionally and socially dettached i don't matter as much as others, i'm just there and nobody will ever fucking understand me "i'm there for you no matter what" lies XD
no matter who reads this shit you wont get it you can't comprehend my feelings or what i feel i don't know who i am everything feels fake one day i'll disappear and everyone will wonder "what happened?" nothing happened, i'm fine the day i kill myself there won't be no messages i will just do it and end my fucking misery.
i'm completely fucking done.
Nevermind.
I thought i was getting better but they were just fake hopes, i cant, ill stay like this till i die. forever stuck in not knowing who am i or where i am, therapist does nothing but to ask questions that i dont even know the answer for.
i give up, forever stuck in a loop of staying or not i cant keep living in a filthy delusion out of fear. it chases but maybe i should let it catch me.
today i cameback to where i studied years back, can't believe i got this far even tho years went by and i didnt do anything worth mentioning.
even tho i dont recognize myself, i think im alive surviving atleast and thats smth to be proud of.
everything will fall into place in anyway possible.
will it ever get better? i can see the light outside of the curtain but no matter how much i try, ill never see the sun shine through my window.
i forgot how the sky looked like maybe one day i'll remember, will i be able to feel real? or in reality death is the only way out of this pothole?
Time's ticking and i don't have more time left.
I used to think I’d be stuck forever in that depressive headspace, like, no hope at all. I mean, being 11 and already thinking about how to get attention and how to hurt myself… that’s not normal. And the crazy part is, the world wasn’t attacking me, it was me against myself.
Those years felt endless. The pain dragged on forever, locked in the bathroom like that. But now, looking back, it all went by so fast… and weirdly, I kinda miss not having the responsibilities I’ve got now. These days I don’t even have the time or energy to focus on myself or figure out who I am. Maybe that’s actually my way of avoiding myself, so I don’t fall back into that dark place again. Just forget who I am and focus on being useful to everyone else. I know that stepping away from my identity is what helped me find some mental and physical peace… but is that really who I am?
This low-key little corner used to feel like home, and coming back to it today just makes me look back… without really knowing how I’m supposed to feel about it.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
The sorrowness in my heart can't be overtaken, doesnt matter how happy i get.
It will forever be there waiting to enter my heart once again.
Sorrow is truly loyal to me it never went away, it always waited for me, it'll be the only thing truly for me, forever waiting to eat me whole.
BEST flavour EVER, OG always on top 🔥🔥