in the back of my mind todd still wonders if he did actually change or if he was just managing to trick all of his loved ones into liking him again considering how 'easy' to was to slip back into angry defensiveness [both physically and verbally]. or at least thats how i write him when im writing my fic.

obviously easy is in air quotes because he was literally and metaphorically backed into a corner for all of those times

so i present an edit about that to noah kahans 'dashboard' [also ikkk the spelling mistake but its okay]

when you contextualise this storyline within his 'redemption arc' his behaviours make so much sense. working at the undertakers and his friendship with paul really were the making of him but from his first attempt to make amends with billy right up until as late as paul's memorial he has been under constant scrutiny, whether he was being a dickhead or genuinely trying to do the right thing for once. which to be honest it was usually the former for a while 😭 but even as the scales tipped, people's preconceptions of him didn't really change. he'd try to reroute his ways but it was always challenged or mistrusted - billy, sean, eileen, even george and sarah at times all assumed the worst in him (gemma forgave billy but STILL never made things right with todd after basically calling him a slapper EVEN THOUGH HE REJECTED BILLY'S ADVANCES (sorry this haunts me he was kicked out of his late friend's memorial and for what))

WHY AM I BRINGING ALL THIS UP well it's one thing how you react to being mistreated when you're on self-preservation mode and only looking out for number one, and it's another when you're actively reconfiguring the way you navigate your relationships with people and trying to be a better person.

when theo makes these attacks on his character, it's probably not just a lone voice he hears, not just theo whose judgement he doesn't even entirely trust. it's an echo of the past, echoes of these trusted figures he KNOWS to be good people and people he's knowingly hurt or let down - theo just reinforces this, only with him it's not out of hurt or encouraging him to be better but using it to instil doubt and break him down entirely. and i could be chatting out my arse reading too deeply into things but what makes me feel like this is a real insecurity for todd is his desperate appeal to george (and theo) that he's not a bad person. reasoning with billy with their shared history "you know what i'm like, i'm selfish, inconsiderate". HELL eileen literally said once, with chest, she wishes he'd never been born and you're telling me he hasn't internalised that?