I think I’m fighting a war that will never end

I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist. I got that piece of news after a couple of months into the relationship (but I always kinda knew)

We broke up on gruesome terms (a story worth a fucking soap opera)

As for now it feels like his main goal is to destroy punish and humiliate me. He tries to alienate me from our mutual friends and gets so mad when they don’t see him as the victim

The worst part of it all is that I look at him and I wonder who he is. I truly don’t recognise him. He was always a bit resentful and hateful towards me but i overlooked that because when I love I looove. Now he is so hostile so full of unspeakable hate and not only towards me but also our friends as soon as they don’t see eye to eye with him

The boy I loved so much I would burn cities for him turned out to be an illusion, a fantasy we both created so he could feed off me.

I’d never say I was a saint or the good one in the relationship i’m very anxious and have uncontrollable fear of abandonment

I guess I just wish I could be the bad one in the relationship (as I always was) but he leaves me no space for that.