#relationship vent

no, i'm not. romantic relationships don't come easy to me, they never have. it takes me a minute to open up and be vulnerable with people, and a lot of times people are impatient and i get it. i just hate when i try and try and try and it's like i'm not going anywhere. it just sucks because it's like i almost get there and then something happens and everything falls apart.

genuenly just wish he put in more effort its been like a month or two i guess not the long but it feels long because he just wont try anymore, hes not the boy i fell in love with 4 months ago..hes distant and its so fucking tiring i just miss the way he looked at me and i want him to feel the same way i feel about him. I love him so much i dont wanna loose him but if he really doesnt feel the same anymore i dont want to trap him..i just want him to communicate with me.. i just want a conversation is all im asking and im crying typing this but oh my god im so emotional.. I just want him to tell me how he truely feels..is that too much to ask???? He wont even look at me anymore, he avoids me at all times and i would kill just for a single moment with him again. This is prolly like…the hardest i fell for someone and i hate crying abt lovey dovey stuff cuz its so stupid..i want to be independent and not gaf abt any boy but it truely breaks my heart for him to b like this.. I talked to him once abt this and he just said hes a bad bf and he’ll try his best to do talk more but atp hes just given up. He seems concerned that i would break up with him or cheat on him which i never would but i just feel like he’d break up with me at any moment…I miss the late night convos we had. The laughs at the small things i said. When he actually tried to get into my interests and i get into his.. I recently read the confession note he wrote a couple months back and im crying because (what i belive) he used to love me…idk if he loves me anymore or just says “lyt” to fill the gaps…I know its stupid to cry over teenage love but it really hurts…I want to hold his hand again…we havent held hands since..since long ago..I say “hii” atleast 100 times a day and he will leave me on read every single fucking time. It hurts…it really hurts. Im tired..really tired and im repeating my words but its true. Im tired. Im sick and tired of his bullshit. I want him to notice for fucking once. and im gonna read this back when im older and think how stupid i was but just let me feel it right now. Im already grieving a break up before it happens. im sorry. I cant tell if he likes me anymore…even as a friend.. either way id go back to him 1000 times

I know someone here follows me from school and i swear to fucking god if u say SHIT.